anonymous_adam2003

Woobie Girl, you said something in your post that kind of hit me where I needed to be hit...so to speak... You said - forget the past...let it go and look forward to the bright future ahead. I see the wisdom of this, however it is hard to do that when you feel so beaten down. I wanted to add something to my previous post...an observation I just made from reading some articles online. RE: current girlfriend She is very understanding, gives me the space I need/want isn't demanding. Even though there are things about her that I do not like (mannerisms) and outward things such as looks I'm enjoying her company and dating her Here's the big question!!! Is part of why I feel so weird relationship wise because I'm being shallow about things....for instance my last girlfriend the one that I was terribly hurt when it ended...the one following my wife...was gorgeous. She was a very attractive woman, the kind that made other men take notice when she walked into a room. She has a very warm caring personality and has a lot of the same personality traits as myself. I'm still in love with her and I compare my current girlfriends looks/mannerisms to her. Part of me feels I can't fully give my current girlfriend a chance because I'm not letting go of what I had with the last...I'm not finding in her the beauty I saw in the last. I'm not looking for it cause I'm too hung up on what I had with the other and how she looked to me (attraction)... Keep in mind I only dated the last girlfriend for 3 months...but I fell in love...we are still friends and talk occasionally on the phone and through messengers (online) Any insights Anonymous Adam

As far as my job goes...its not that the work isn't challenging...I went to school to learn what I do, however I'm drawn more to the artistic side of the business...and I don't get a lot of opportunity to excercise that. I am mostly in the role of project planning on engineering related projects. My educational background was in IT and computer visualization (3D modeling, CAD, Web Design, Interactive Multimedia) but I'm very technical and that skill has got me noticed for planning and project management. I've tried to implement the other skills into what I do but the firm I work for is someone old fashioned and stoic in how they do things....so in a sense I've given up thrown up my hands and said...OK what do I need to do "your way" to get ahead with this career field...and that has led me to the point I am...having responsiblity and a good future there - but I'm not really doing what I love to do which is Interactive Multimedia Design. I've tried to find way to incorporate it into what I do from a marketing standpoint (e.g. Demo CDs showcasing the services we provide) but its not enough to keep me happy. On the love/relationship side of things...I do enjoy this current girlfriends time...but lately I'm withdrawn from her and she notices - however I don't want to end it for fear of being alone again...I hated it...not having someone to share my day with or listen to theirs. Not having someone to watch a movie with and laugh together...I miss those things terribly when I'm single and alone. Maybe what I need to focus on...should I chose to move on...is ME...and doing what I need to do to feel whole without someone else in my life...my problem is I'm afraid of the work it will entail... Thanks Anonymous Adam

I'm not even sure where to begin...first let me say thank you for taking the time to read my post. This is my first post and I have a lot to say, so please bear with me. If you can...please read it all and if you find it in your heart to offer words of knowledge, support, caring, or encouragement I really need to get input from others that feel the same or can relate. Timeline: 2 1/2 years ago...my wife and highschool sweetheart of 12 years divorced me but not until after a long drawn out period of "her trying to figure out what she wanted" - it wasn't until a close friend of ours told me to stop waiting for her to come back, that my wife was living with another man. Apparently an affair that had been going on since before we were married (a coworker). I'll spare you the pain an agony part I went through...its atypical of any divorce 1 year later...met a beautiful woman dated her for three months and fell in love (rebound) I was devastated and became very clingy and needy of her. We are still friends to this day...via the phone and online. I know in my heart in will never be anything more than friends but I still long for her. I purposely avoid getting together for lunch or drinks or whatever as she has offered. I cannot, because I know my emotions will come flooding back and again I will be an emotional wreck because I can't be with her the way I want. I had in a very short period and the subsequent time that followed as friends, developed these fantasy images of living my life with her and her two kids and being a family. She made me feel complete and that my life had purpose. which I know today was not healthy...but it felt good Two 1/2 years later...I have a girlfriend I've been dating carefully now for about 5 months. I say carefully in that I'm constantly looking for reasons to move on...to let her go. I tell myself she is not the girl for me, but for now it works. Its like a part of me won't fall for her cause I'm afraid to get hurt again. I even go so far as to being really shallow and finding flaws with her externally to justify not completely giving her a chance for me to love her. Lately, I'm beginning to feel myself care for her more and more...yet still want to be with someone else. I'm torn and confused. My own personal assessment is that I stay with this woman now...cause its comfortable. My job is going good...to a degree. I should be happy at the opportunites I have at work, however I'm still not satisfied I feel empty, cheated, undervalued, unloved, and alone. Abstract: I feel lost...almost like a depression, however outwardly things in my life seem good. To family, my life seems to be on track. Inside I'm a wreck...its all a facade. I'm still wounded and searching and I feel empty and don't know where or why I'm doing all of this. I'm kind of just going through the steps cause society says I should. I lack a good support group of friends - because most of my friends were couple friends that have lost touch or moved on because of their lives and beginnings of families. I have a few coworkers I feel close enough to that I can talk or "get a drink" but still it feels awkard and uncomfortable. I finished college 4 years ago...and took a job with an engineering firm. I started at a low income level and in an entry level position. After four years I'm finally beginning to make progress. I've been giving responsiblities managing and planning projects and work is keeping me going - however I'm still feeling a void - like something isn't right. I'm not satiated and I long to do other types of work and make more money. I'm beginning to think I will never be satisfied or happy with who I am or what I'm doing with my life. I'm afraid to be alone...to break up with my current girlfriend and be alone...to stake out and make my claims in the work world or ask for what I want...yet to be honest I've only been putting forward a half ass effort professionally and still its getting me promoted. I have no drive, no desire, I'm lethargic and unmotivated - yet I know I'm not happy...Help me... I've done counseling...and for awhile it worked. I then began feeling like the counseling wasn't allowing me to move on - to let it all go and heal. I felt like counseling began keeping me down and always thinking about things that plagued me...so I elected to discontinue counseling and just get involved in life. That is when I met the latest girlfriend and things at work started getting more responsible and opportunities began to present themeselves... The overwhelming theme here...if I've completely missed getting it out....is....I'm not happy with my life and my place in it. Even today with the seemingly bright future I seem to have and the way things appear from the outside. I've had some people offer me this suggestion...Religion...that in all my pain and suffering no where do I mention religion. I'm afraid of religion...I've thought about attending some more well known "usable churches" around me, however I'm afraid to take the first steps...to just go and see what happens. I used to be the type of guy that had no fear...didn't care what others thought of me(in a good way) and did what I wanted. Now I'm terrifed of how people perceive me. A single man walking into church and sitting by himself (don't laugh...my interpretation of this - lonely...desolate man) I don't want to be perceived that way. The irony is....I AM Ok...I"m done for now I guess Please respond and don't hold back Thank You again...for reading my winded post Anonymous Adam