iamstrong

Ian: It must be sad being you. Shagging chippies as a sign of your own worth: my spirit mate pointed this out and wasn't even aware that he was talking about you. He is becoming more and more attractive to me. He is a man of character and of class. You fancy yourself a lady killer. Yes of course you are handsome: birds tell you this always. But SM has a beauty that is head above you. He remembers little things: is a free spirit: and is not trying to shag every bird in the area. You are all man: but a sad lost little man.

Ian: what do you know about wanting to be in a committed relationship? Your telly message to me made me laugh outloud mate! Other bobs heard me through the office. You want to be in a relationship with me but still free to shag other women???? Your mad! And I am pleased that I won't even entertain the idea of responding to you. "I'll get it out of my blood and then we can carry on": no, no we can't mate. You are never going to be beyond a whacker and I will not waste another line on you: it is telling of my self-respect if I fancy ringing you up to even tell you to jump off. I like me too much to even be your friend. My spirits mate: he is a friend!

Every day I am free of your spell is a good day for me. You are a bit of friend now that you have figured out that I will not shag you or purchase your spit-game: wonder how long that will last. You LIED again about the chippies you are tossing about with. You may fancy yourself a gamer: but in real time you are a sad little bloke who cannot connect in a real way. I am rid of you now. I'm off to the pub with my chum to watch American football and to ignore you should you stalk me there.

Ian: I am left wondering if you saw me and my chum last night at the pub. I only caught you out of the corner of my eye: I was sick to think you are shagging another new chippie. Does she know she is on a long list of conquests? I doubt it. What I found as relief was this fact: Holding my friends hand for even a few minutes is significantly more intimate than a shag in bed with you. He cares for me and my heart: You care about your trousers. He might not be as handsome as you but he has a much more beautiful heart than you ever will which makes him much more attractive than you ever can hope for.

I am a fool: I believed you when you told me that you were getting your randiness out of your system. That was 2 months ago! You will never commit to anyone and I feel you are stringing me along for the chance that I be available to you when one of your chippies shut you down. You call and all to keep feeling a connection to me. That's not true! You call to keep me interested. You are a bloody wacker for thinking I will stay paused for much longer. I don't care how perfect you are: You treat me poorly and you know it!

I've spoken to you twice today: once in the midday when you were just calling to say hi and to chat me up a bit. Which was nice. The second time you rang me you said that you were shagging other birdies BUT you felt like it was working out of your system. Is that right? So after sleeping with several women, you think you can now be in a committed relationship with me? That is some nerve you are showing. You expect me to be on pause while you are in bed with several other women: at least those that I know of: and then everything is suppose to be wonderful for us and we will live ever after. You hold great self esteem thinking that I will allow you to do what you are doing and then greet you with open arms. Do you really think so little of me? Do I think so little of myself? I'm a fool if I allow that to happen.

One more thought: What if the roles were reversed and you were patiently waiting for me to conclude my "need" to explore lots of different men. Would you feel like I was respectful of you? Would you feel like you were special? Or would you feel like I was a Plan B: because that is exactly what I feel like most of the time. As though you offer me just enough to keep me interested and then go about your frollicking about. I am a right silly maiden to allow this to happen to me. You will get this exploration out of your system and then be proper to be in a loving relationship with me. I don't believe that is at all possible because if you were respectful of me, you bloody well would find another way to spellbind you needs. I am so foolish.

I left the pub because I saw that while you were talking to me about the respect that has grown in your heart with me, it the back of my mind I can see you are still shagging various women. You want me to believe that while you are oystercatching you are learning how to respect and admire me. How obtuse do you think I am. You hit pause with our friendship and our budding relationship so you could shag any girl who would look your way. Without concern of how sexy I find you, I have more self worth and I will start handling things in my own way. You don't respect me and I seem to think I don't respect myself because I am allowing you to knock all these other birdies while you work it out of your system. How dumb am I to think so little of myself. Sex, beauty and a connection shouldn't be held over while you sow.

Maybe you should have been honest with me: and yourself. You should have told me that the friends around the block are other women that you are sleeping with. Am I a petrol stop? Do you fancy yourself a go-hogger? You don't deserve the time of day from me: but you are so darned sexy in your own way. I will struggle finding a way to forget about you. I don't need someone who has grand spit game only to hurt me. I deserve someone who likes me for me. So go about your business: lie about who you are visiting: try and convince yourself that you need constant shagging to find yourself. I want none of it: or the fear of whatever STD that comes along with it. You might think these other chickies are clean, but at the rate you are passing thru them, can you really keep count of who these slugs have been with? I didn't think so.

I am not sure I am using the correct forum. But right now I don't really don't care. Your funeral is tomorrow and your mom said that I should not attend. Your dying makes me open my eyes. I should have been there for you: even when you were ill. I didn't come see you in the hospital and I found other interests when you were transported to hospice and now you are gone. I can no longer contact you and my heart is breaking. I should have been a better friend to you.