Here is the situation I will tell you what happened last semester of college then I will fill you in on what is happenning this semester of college.
It would be helpful if anyone has delt with something like this to leave some advice for me on how to deal. I love stopping by and reading the advice and success stories of relationship on here.
Semester of college 2003-2004
How I met B.F. at the college I am attending. I had a class with him the first semester of college. I sat in the same front row as he did. So I could see the board better. I did not know B.F. before this time. While sitting in the same row I pretty much kept to myself and did not chat with him. I did not chat with him because he was tall (somewhere between 6'1" to maybe 6'3" and I usually do not get interested in men that tall usually avoid them since I do not want to overpowered in a relationship if it turns bad-safety precautions). But I listened to his complaints and sad story about how his ex fiance broke up with him after being together with him for 11 years and the only reason why he was at the college was to be with her along with taking classes. Occasionally I would say something to him but I pretty much kept my distance and watched him from a far to see who he was and get to know him that way. During the semester sometime I was pulling out my chair and did not realize that was trying to pass behind my chair to get out of the row so I hit him with the chair and we both said sorry. But the way he said sorry was he put his hand on my head and said sorry and walked off it was all done very quickly. I usually do not get woken up or notice anything when people touch me. When he touched me it was a soft touch that did not send off fireworks or anything just maybe clicked something on not sure what. But it was like wow in small way left me sitting there for a couple seconds then I moved on. So after being woken up I still kept my distance but I got more curious. Interesting things I just thought you would like to know. Well some other tidbits of information B.F. is one year younger then me, he is a RA (Resident Advisor) in the dorms, into tennis, bowling and golf, birthday is May 9 (mothers day baby), smokes cigarettes (disgusting habit), occasionally drinks and goes to the bars, is a catholic (not sure if he is strong in his faith or anything).
Second semester of college B.F. and me have two classes together and mid semester on he later becomes my tutor. I am taking a java programming class with him and we are sitting next to each other. Through out the beginning of the semester I would crack jokes or throw sarcastic jokes out under my breath about the Java class we were sitting in. The teacher could not hear most of the comments but B.F. sure did since he was sitting to the left of me. The jokes made him laugh at least almost every day. I think this what hooked him being interested in me. Not sure if I realized I was flirting with him or just trying to entertain myself in the classroom. I did notice during the whole semester I got the butterflies in the stomach whenever he was around. In the months of the beginning of the semester Jan and Feb I was really getting stressed out so much so that I was getting so tight in frustration over java and another class that I was ready to have a tantrum or cry. I started talking to my advisor, who was the teacher to the other java class, about how I was so frustrated with the class and not happy and since he was sitting in the java class already he started teaching me some java in the class room before my java class was to start. When I am so frustrated over things I get tight and when I start talking to someone about it I just have tears just flowing like a faucet was turned on. Tears started flowing while my advisor tried teaching me and the next class started arriving. I tried to hide that I was crying to the other students around me. When my advisor finished I ran to the bathroom to let the rest of the tears out. I came back to class and B.F. was there he noticed I was upset and asked if I was alright and asked me who did this to me like he was going to kick their but or something. I told him I would be fine. Him showing his concern for me just helped open my interest to him more. I soon learned that B.F. is the kind of guy who will bend over backwards to help you or talk you through your problems. The first three months B.F. tried getting together with me to hang out by asking me out to go to the bar. After the third time he gave up since I told him I am not into the because of three or four reasons (my beliefs, my father issues, my disinterest and being against alcohol).
B.F. became my tutor for Java class and I knew we would grow more interested in each other. Which we did. I am not even sure why I am attracted to him, since he does not meet my requirements for a future mate for marriage or dating partner. I hardly know him but the only way I will understand this all if I get together and talk with him even though that makes me really nervous. I believe this relationship will be short term and not long term. Before the summer I gave him (along with my other close friends) a card with my phone number and email address to keep in touch with me during the summer. B.F. seemed like he was not interested. I took that as a sign that I would not hear from him and well I did not hear from him. The way he lives his life is very busy and takes on a lot of stuff and I figured he would not be writing during the summer.
Semester 2004-05
Back at college and things are way different then planned. So far the two weeks back B.F has treated me very different. We have three classes together along with a lab and school club (we are both leaders in that school club). The most communication I got from him even while walking around campus is a a smile with a Hello or goodbye. Either in class or other places he does not communicate with me, walks away from me like I did something bad to him (did not do anything bad to him) or he is no longer interested in me, even looks over me. In one of my classes with him he corrected a teacher that got my name wrong and told her my right name while in class (not sure how I should take that) I could of told her myself but he was quicker. A few days later I got bitter and snippy and while in one of the classes we have together I chewed him out for something else. He sits two seats over in one of my classes. I heard or thought I heard he was leaving the class so I snaped and asked are you leaving and he said no only for certain days and I said I was hoping you would be since we have to many classes together. His response was now she does want me around. (Last semester I said I was hoping he would be back so we could get together) I left it like that. Later after that class ended I left a nasty letter for him. I feel like he is no longer interested and that he lead me on so I am alittle pissed and bitter but I will get over it in a few weeks. The biggest problem I am seeing is that we are not communicating and not sure what is going on on his side of his world. I probably should of got up in his face and asked what was going on rather then sending a mean letter like this. I was hoping for a response back from him but got nothing. The nasty letter I wrote him is below:
I hope your having a wonderful semester. I think you have made some changes but you are not man enough to talk to me about them. Your behavior speaks louder than your words and I am mad at the way you have been treating me. I am thinking you got a girlfriend or are no longer interested in me or moved on. I have been hurt in the past by men and I do not need to be lied to or anything else. Please be upfront with me and tell me the truth. If am assumming things or just impatient with you forgive me.
I very frustrated with this whole situation. I am taking it as a breakup and moving on. If he does not talk to me. I probably over did it with things and lost him. I have to deal with seeing him everyday. I do not plan on speaking or looking at him. I can not change my classes so I have to suffer with seeing him. My best friend gave me the best advice so far is that I do not need him and just move on. That I do not need someone like that. I am taking that advice. Anyone else have some good advice?
