I joined the University of Manchester in September to do a degree in History and since joining, I've gone through a very depressed state especially during the first few weeks; I just didn't seem to fit in very well; infact at the start it was so bad I had to go back home 2 weeks after getting up there; The freshers week was terrible I just got so drunk and made a fool of myself and said some stupid things; and when I was back home in London I felt very comfortable again; I was with my friends enjoying myself got drunk there had some fun; went to all the old places I used to be at it was great I had a really good time; however when it was time to go back to Manchester.
It didn't take long for the depression to come back it was ok at the start but it got worse and and worse and 3 weeks later I went back to London again and had a bit of an argument with my parents nothing too major but it was still a bit iffy. This time I went back to Manchester trying to make a difference and really try to fit in; I got on alot better with certain flat mates and we had quite a good night out with them one time. Then this time 3 weeks later it was time to go to London again to pick up my computer that I was unable to take at the start as it wasn't delivered; I booked my tickets with the sole intention of being in London for as little as possible to try and make a better effort, the week after I was going to Nottingham University to visit my best friend for his Birthday, however due to delivery problems I had to wait stay the whole week and then go to Nottingham from London; when I was in London that night I had the best night out ever; when I got back I received a lukewarm reception from all my flat mates.
My Flatmates are aways judging me telling me that I eat unhealthily all the time and its really annoying me.
However one night it was one of my flat mate's Birthday; we both got really drunk and I had probably the best night I've had in Manchester (he said to me he didn't like me at the start but now he really did) He was really drunk so I took his Girlfriend home (who is another flatmate) However after that the depression just started to mount again especially with the coursework I had to do and at this point I was in huge debt with my Overdraft; and I usually just spent time in my room on the internet playing video games and watching films; staying up late talking to my friends back home. Well this took its toll one day and just before I was going home I got caught in work sleeping; and I was forced into an investegation by work to why it happened (I work in Sainsburys) and it took too long that it had to be undertaken by a store I work in during the holidays in London and they were very leniant towards me because I was a good worker back before I went to Manchester; I was back in London then and I was with my best friend again; had a great Christmas had the relatives come from Ireland and I worked off my debt because I went full time at that Sainsburys and I got an award for delivering great Customer Service; I was even missing Manchester then but I secretly knew I didn't want to go back, I tried to make a pact with myself that I wouldn't go back to London till the end of term.
I had a bit of an argument with my parents because they kept bugging me and I do enjoy my independence, but we made up before I left.
I got back and its been ok I've had an exam and that went average considering (more on that later), I haven't really seen much of my flat mates though this week because I was trying to revise; they started compliaing to me about that aswell; they all wanted to share a flat aswell but I reapplied for halls again.
Well I have been back 2 weeks now and I want to leave and go back to London not just for a break now but for good I am sick of Fallowfield I can't stand it here. I had a few friends come over for the weekend and certain flatmates of mine went out of their way to make me feel uncomfortable with them; they went on about oh why don't you show them Manchester and started complaining about my eating habbits it was absolutely uncalled for; I was also told that my best friend was unable to come up to Manchester this week and that annoyed me, and then when we got back home from another drinking session with my friend who is also at University and it is his Birthday; I got into a huge argument with the flat when I came back over I can't remember but it was probably over the fact that a girl in my block is leaving University and they all put money together for a party for her and because I wasn't going to be part of it; I didn't pay as I didn't see why I should have because I hardly knew her and I felt as if they were forcing me to do it.
Well I am still not speaking to any of my flatmates right now except a few but I still wont bother coming into the common room and I am just eating out now to avoid them and I've decided that I have made too much of a mess of this year and I want to take some time time out; do somethings I really wanted to like learn Martial Arts, Play Rugby, be able to drive, make myself bigger, go travelling for a bit, earn some money because I made alot over Xmas and I have a job waiting for me and then after that apply to another University nearer to London; Right now I hate being a student; I just want to have some time to relax and rethink my options.
I am not perfect in this; I'm sure I can be an arsehole to my Flatmates but I can't stand being here; I always lend them Cds and Dvds and I hardly ask them ever for favours.
I haven't been to many University Lectures but the course isn't bad at all and the seminars I've been at I've beeb able to articulate my thoughts well despite my lack of reading.
I like Manchester but in the way I like a day trip; its not London; its not home.
I really want to leave now; I just think my parents will be angry and they spent so much money on me going.
I'd really like your advice on this. Should I leave and try to continue what I perceive to be a prison sentence and try and hope for the best or should I cut my losses go to work for a bit do alot of things I've always wanted and when I feel ready go back to University\College?
I'm sorry I may have left stuff out but I'm tired and sorry for the spelling mistakes and structure.
