Saw the pictures you posted on Facebook today. I haven't had any real activity there this week, but some time last week I liked one of your posts where you said "I'm not always right, but if I do make a mistake at least I know that it was MY decision, MY choice to search for a better life, and at least I'll now that I didn't live based on someone else's advice, someone who didn't go through the things I did." So you kinda know I've been looking through your stuff. The pictures you posted were of you, your best friend (the one who always takes your side even when you're wrong) and the guy you've been talking to for the last year or so before you broke off our engagement. It doesn't seem that you're getting that much attention from your e-friends, so you had to post petty comments about how much you love that one picture or how beautiful his eyes are. When I read those comments I sort of got this nasty feeling in my stomach, but then it stopped almost immediately. Well, this sudden stop hadn't happened before.
I tested myself a couple more times today, saw that you "liked" someone's post that said "I don't wish you anything bad, I think you got enough issues after losing me." Surprisingly, I wasn't as sad as I thought I would be after reading that. I began wondering about the horrible things that I must have done to you for you to think that way about me, but then it hit me... You're still looking for validation, still hoping that more of your friends take your side. You know that I loved you more than anything else. Sure, I was horrible at displaying affection towards you, but the feelings were there. The actions were mostly there. So, what gives? You hate me now, is that it?
As these thoughts ran through my mind, I realized that I'm becoming a * * * * * . I'm paying way too much attention to the things you do, the things you say. You can't even understand yourself, why should I try doing so? I'm old enough to know that I shouldn't be playing these stupid games with you. You're acting like a little brat, the same way you acted the last time you dumped me. So, I'm going to do things differently. From now on, I'm telling myself you're no longer the most important thing that's ever happened in my life. You really were not... I've done a lot of cool things during my life, and I'm going back to those things that I enjoyed doing before I met you. I had a personality, and some people actually enjoyed hanging out with me before I started seeing you. Someone out there thought I was funny. So, to the hell with you and this other guy. I thought I was in love with you, but today I realized that I'm in love with some of the great qualities you have, not the whole psycho package. Good luck getting a 19-year-old kid to put up with your non-sense. He won't, and you know it. That, however, is no longer my issue.
Day 1 of me loving myself again.