Dodo85

Please help me what can i do? What does she want? Please help me to analyze these e-mails. Sorry the long thread. Thanks in advance!: I don't know right now if we r in a relationship or just friends or even nothing. But i feel necessary to send u this mail. About the hurt feeling i gave u, i'm sorry about it. I know u have a lot of questions u would like to ask, dont bother to ask ur friends for advice, i will answer all of them by myself. U would like to know after u've been trying so hard to be a better man for me, why i still hurt u. The answer is easy. Broken heart is hard to be mended. As long as i talk about the past, u stopped me. Past has been passed, which is true, but the hurt feeling will never be gone. U said u gonna be a better man, but i'm not sure if u will be the man i want. I mean just for an example, i hate people smoking or drinking, until now u r still doing it. Before i was totally the loser in front of u, who can be down on my knees and beg but u still ignore. U know how many mistakes u made and how badly u hurt me. Firstly ur ex, u have no courage to tell her to get out of ur life. U d rather see me getting hurt than talk to her to stop bothering u, which i can hardly accept. Later ur lifestyle totally upset me. U smoke drink hang out,sometimes lie to me, ignore my dignity. Then u broke ur promise. So i really dont think i can forgive everything. Now u r too far away and u ask me to wait, dont u think u should give me some guarantee? U even have no idea when can u be back, why should i always trust u? U promised me to quit smoking, u promised me not to hang out, until the time u left China, did u achieve any of them? Dont say 2 years is too shout for u to make a change. In love, i dont need a boy to change for me, he just needs to fit me, love is about love the person who he is, the good side and the shortcomings too. I see u r not the right type for me, the way of doing things and the way of thinking, so i dont need u to change for me anymore, u should find someone who loves u, loves ur lifestyle and ur habits. Maybe im not the one. Another reason is, seems my family can hardly accept u as a foreigner. My life my job and my everything will be here in China, it's hard for me to live in a totally different country even for 1 month. It's true that i've never tried, but this is me,i know myself really well, and this is why i quit my plan for studying aboard. U ask me to look on the bright side, tell me what bright side do i have to look? The vague future u promise me? Or the better man in the future? I believe the things i see with my eyes. The things i even cant see, i cant tell it's true. U would like to know why i took off my rings. The truth is i took a shower and was preparing for going out, i was in a hurry so just forgot the ring beside the mirror. That day u saw me wearing it, i was wearing all the time even when i felt sad about this relationship. U would like to know whom did i go to the zoo with. i was with the brother i will never have in my life, who can share everything with me. He is the one who really cares about me, from Anderson, to my high-school gossips,to u, everything he knows. I never think about being his gf and he never thinks of being my bf. The friendship is pure and real. U would like to know why i stop contacting u. In deed, my life needs more personal space. My school here is busy and i always wanna be the top, so im working hard. At least i remember to send u ecards, u said they r just a thank-u for urs, dont u think it's too harsh? the May Day card i chose an ecard with the honey bee, both of us know i spent time and heart on choosing it. U still blame me that i dont contact. By contact u mean daily several phone call bombs? Sorry i cant do it. Before i did, u said u feel tired that i called u so many times a day so i stopped. If u never complain why i dont contact u, maybe we still can go some way, now i think to be friends is better. But if u can come back one day and really be the nice man im looking for, i'm willing to restart with u. Now let's just give each other a break. I know u can never forget all of ur former girlfriends, unluckily i may be one of them someday. But u will be in my heart forever too. All the good things in u, ur kind heart, ur nice offer, and our old days, i do miss everything. I wanted to end this relationship for many times already, but i didnt have courage. I think u understand how much u mean to me. Though sad moments we had, u did bring me sweet moments that i can hardly forget. once i was really hoping u would marry me, giving me the happiest life in the world, i was really hoping. Now all i want u is to work harder and be smarter. Find a life best for u. When we both grow up, no matter how we r, u r married or not, i look forward to meeting u again... The second e-mail she sent me, just difference minutes: i do miss the old days, i do miss it so much... Plz forever save a place for me in ur heart. I really want u to be good and realize all ur dreams... And the e-mail i'd like to send her: First of all, what i'll write here hopefully u won't misunderstand anything and all the sentences r coming from my heart and just wanted u to know more and understand more that how i am and don't wanna make argument with u, there's no need to make argument again i think, while i'm just trying to be better and it's up to u that u accept it or not. Secondly, seem u finished the relationship with me already so i think i don't need to comment about this now even i really want but as u said u need space and i'm giving u as much as possible and because i don't want u to think too much, i'm respecting u that u wanna work hard, be the top in the class so i'll step back. But never say that i blamed u because u didn't contact me, u can even just text me just one time a day, like saying good morning or whatever, i don't think i asked too much but if u think it is then i have nothing to say but as i said i seriously would like to step back so that u can have more time to think about ur life, about ur future, about everything, won't disturb u. U said broken heart is hard to mended, then the first time when u broke my heart it wasn't difficult for me to mended? Especially if u cheated me but u can see i could forgave u because i love u more than anything in this world. During the time when i was with u, i never ever cheated u, never think of anything to do any thing like that to make u hurt, make u jealous, make u sad. All i'm trying to do is to make u happy, make u satisfy, make u proud. I know from my heart very well that i did a lot of mistakes before and all i asked from u is if u still have that heart then forgive me, i truly regret them. U don't know how bad i feel about it. And i think u shouldn't be upset with me because i asked u for help because i was a foreigner, i was in foreign country, been living there for more than 5 years but still had some difficulties with the language and u r there more than 21 years so it's a huge different. I didn't mean that u never helped, u did a lot of times and i'm really so thankful for that, this is one of the reason that i still love u. U said one time that love, love deeply, forget, forget thoroughly. I remember all of ur sentences u told me before, i put them into my heart. Maybe i didn't show it off but my heart always pay attention to u and listening to u. I just don't know why u can't see the good side of mine like when i asked for advice from my friends.... U can't see i'm asking because i really would like to make this relationship better, would like to do something to make u happier? Or just thinking my bad side all the time? U don't think what i've done to u? Actually i don't really need u to think what i've done to u because what i did it was coming from my heart all the time and because i love u so i don't need u to see that because it can be like a gift or surprise to u. I've never ask anything from u and won't ask u in the future, i mean if i like something then i don't need u to buy it or do it for me. All i just want to hear from u just like before so that i know u're fine. U don't know how much i do worry about u, thinking of u, thinking how to do something, how to say something that can make u happy, feeling great, feeling better so like when u're exhausted, feeling tired because of having so many classes. I never ever felt tired when u called me a lot of times before, in my heart was really happy all the time. Probably u don't believe it but u should know one thing that if i say something all about emotion, all about love r coming from my heart deeply. I never liked to play with the emotion, with love. Do u know why i stopped u talking about the past? Not because i'm afraid of them because if we truly love each other then we'll try to be better, think about present, about future, make it better, we did mistake but we'll learn from it and if we see the mistakes that we did and admit it then it's really good but we can't always rely on the past forever. Everybody's learning, everyday. If we always think about the past then we can't make any progress, we can't think clearly about the future. About smoking, drinking let me tell u the truth i don't smoke that much like before, even drinking, maximum i drink one or two bottles only but not everyday, only when there's a celebration or something like this, not like drinking crazily like before, i've stopped for a while already. And the promised that i gave u i'll do it, u asked me that to give all this things up before getting married and we have talked about this that time, i'll give all up at least half a year before it or 1 year even. Tell me when did i think that u were looser? I've never think of that, never ignored u. I just needed times to think all the things over, make myself calm down because i didn't want to make more arguments, i mean go more deeply because it would just hurt us. Please think that i went out because i didn't want to hurt u, just wanted to make myself calm down and come back with the clear mind to show u more care, to show my love to u, to take care of u, to encourage u so that u can do something successfully. U know if my mind is still not clear then how can i say something that to make u happy? How can i do something that so u can do something very well? People with unclear mind can't do anything, remember this. When i came back and when i said i just can't leave u, i mean it from my heart because i knew that if i say something like this u'll feel better, make u happier so that u can continue to do ur things better, all the things i've said always came from my heart. When i said i just can't leave u i mean it, i seriously can't leave u, never wanted to leave u, meaning exactly that u're in my heart and would like to give u what i can so that u don't have to worry about so many things and i'll always be beside u, always stand by ur side. Have u ever think that when i wanted to be with u but u pushed me away? There were sometimes like that but i've never think of this because i respect u, i can understand u wanna do something, u wanna be urself a little. No matter what mistakes u've done to me i'll forgive and forget because i just love u so much that can't leave u out there maybe sometimes i remember them but never ever will say it out because it would just hurt u or making u feel sad but i forgot them totally already. I was always ready to surrender something so that u can feel better. U mentioned that i didn't have courage to talk to my ex girlfriend to get out of my life then let me tell u i've done it before, just needed times to make everything clear so that later won't be a problem for us. I'm not like a machine that can change something right away, to make something better need times, need patience. What did i lie to u? Like i went to a place but i went to another place? It wasn't lie really, i just didn't tell u because i didn't want u to worry about me so much. Do u know what is real lie? Like when i tell u i go out with my friends but no, i go out with a girl, dating her or whatever. U always knew that whom i was with, always knew that where i went to, never hide anything from u, if i didn't say it then it doesn't mean i lied to u. Don't u think that if the people who's successful around me, giving me some way to be better then i can't do it? I can't be better? It's up to u that which bride sight u wanna look, u can look what i did, how i can be, why i'm saying all these, how much i'm trying hard to be able to give u something what u want in the future. And do u think that i really tell u to wait for me because i want u to waste time on me? If i don't want this relationship anymore then i can end it, if i don't value this relationship then i won't bother to tell u all these, won't put any effort into it. If i don't want this relationship why should i bother talking to u? Why should i explain all these things to u? Because i truly want u, i truly love u, i truly would like to share my life with u, i truly believe that we can work this out but we need to have faith, patience. About being together, i mean in ur family eyes that they hardly accept me it always gonna be ur decision whom u'll be with as long as they can see u're happy. All the family in this world want the best for their child but when it's coming to marriage and when they see u have something in ur hand then they won't say it anymore because they can see u can make the right decision, u can stand on ur own foot. Yeah, everything will be there for u but when u take off ur holiday time then u could come see the new world, see new people so that u'll get more experience. When u learn something, when u see something it always gonna be urs, always gonna be good for u, always gonna be ur advantage. Think like this there's one person who never experienced anything before but u did then u'll be better than that person, it'll be benefit for u, for ur future, u'll understand more. U don't need to tell me what u did or whom u went out with because as long as it can make u happy then do it. Sorry but u're wrong about when u said i'm just feeling thanks to u when u sent me those e-cards. I felt really happy about them, i felt u did with ur heart. If it doesn't mean anything to me then why should i reply? Why should i send u as well? Because they mean a lot to me when u're doing such kind of this things. What u asked me is contact everyday and i tried my best to do it, even not because u asked me because i'd like to let u know that i'm here, i'm here still to take care of u even if u're far away from me, just as i said because i wanted to know u're fine, everything is ok with u. Really sorry if i wanted to take care of u but u didn't want, maybe it was too much for u. I should blame myself that i did this? I never think in my mind that to disturb u, not giving u space or anything like this. Anyway i don't want u to contact me if u don't want, i've stepped back already, giving what u want. Hoping everything will go well with u and u can get what u want. To be friends with u, i'm sorry i can't do it because it would just make me suffer when i'm in love with u. Why do u still want me to save space in my heart for u forever when u end the relationship with me? Anyway i'll think about it. Right now just continue do ur things. When u're ready u can talk to me again. And the last thing probably u're right that i can't forget about my former girlfriends then why r u still talking to me? U didn't even forgive me and forget then please don't come to me even i want so much but the things won't work out like this. U don't trust me, u don't believe me then i think there's not necessary for me to talk to u because no matter how many times i'll say something u won't believe it. Anyway i still do love u so much, i don't know about u but i don't need ur answer if u don't wanna do it right now. Wish u good luck in school!