ats3216

Hey everyone, this is my first post here, but I've read through some of the other posts here and they have been most helpful/comforting. My ex girlfriend and I recently broke up (in February) and its absolutely heartbreaking for me. We had been together for nearly 4 years and it just seemed like we were so good together. This last September in 2010, she moved to a different state to finish here degree while I remained back at home. We had both agreed on long distance because we truly loved each other and wanted to remain close to one another. Shortly after moving, things slowly changed... We are both fairly religious and pretty conservative, but since moving down there, she has gotten into heavy drinking and partying and smoking weed... It put me in a difficult situation because obviously my number one concern for her is safety, and I was honestly afraid that something would happen to her. I will openly admit that i began to change a bit because she began hanging out with other males alot while doing these things. Yes, I became defensive and yes I started to become jealous. I tried to suppress my feelings because I didnt want to bother her, but it was difficult considering how much she had changed. Well, in February I flew to her school on Valentines day to surprise her and spend a few days with her. I can honestly say it was the worst "vacation" I have ever taken in my life. The first day I arrived she seemed extremely happy to see me and everything seemed fine. I interacted with her and her friends and everything seemed to be cool. The next day, we went for a walk and she began to tell me that she had become unhappy with our relationship. She said that I had changed from the confident funny guy that she fell in with to someone else (which admittedly I did). She broke up with me that day, and it was one of the most painful things I have ever experienced. She said she wanted to remain friends, to which I responded "ok". When i returned home, I was a complete mess. I never knew that being heartbroken literally meant that your chest hurt. We talked for a few weeks afterwards and it was difficult, but I managed to keep my composure. I found out from a friend at the school she goes to that he had seen her at a party recently making out with some guy. Upon hearing this, I couldn't stop crying, and a rage consumed me. I punched three consecutive holes in my wall out of sheer frustration (I now take my anger out with weights at the gym). Anyways, recently i have initiated NC with her and it is extremely difficult. It has been about two and a half weeks now and its beginning to get to me. Her spring break is this week and I am honestly scared at what she may do. I know that the way I have described her makes her seem like not the best person in the world, but she is the one person that I love. I've never felt so much emotion towards a single person before and it amazes me that even after all that has happened recently, I am still wild for her. Yes I talk with other women and have a good time myself, but I'm always remiinded of how amazing she is. Fellow posters, SuperDave71, do you have any advice for me or my situation? She returns home for the summer in early May (which will take me to just over a month of NC). I want to rekindle the flame and passion we once shared and feel as though Im taking the right steps in doing so. Please, if anyone has any suggestions whatsoever, I would be overly grateful in hearing what you have to share. Thank you