Moonchill

Thanks for that meaningfull post, Piruru. Lovely story

Every relationship has it's lesson. Ok not every but most of them.

The lesson I learned from my ex was that I cán fall in love with a guy that treats me well.

Too bad it had to be one with commitment fear...

Ok I just need to rant about the following:

I told a friend about that apology text. He asked me:

"What's your purpose? You asked him to leave you alone and then you contact him after a few months?!"

I said "Yeah, yeah, I'm a hypocrite. I just wanted to apology" He thought I wanted more than just apology because I was disapointed my ex didn't respond. But that's not the case. It's normal to want a simple reply to a very personal apology, right? Doesn't mean I hope he wants me back or anything. Enough with the"just let it go" already

I don't feel like I'm back to square 1 after contacting him again.

But it put me back for a little bit.

I think he really moved on and does not care anymore.

That he doesn't miss me anymore.

That realisation hurts a bit but it's also a good motivation to let him go too.

Though in his place if I would not care ,I wouldn't do something so hostile as ignoring my ex.

Hmmph.. whatever...

So there's me:

Pouring my heart out to you

Apologizing to you

Making myself vunerable for you

Being honest to you and

Being honest to myself

Then there's you:

Not giving a &*^%# :sad:

Not caring enough about me to give me the slightest response!:sad:

Please don't have the guts thinking I want you back . Don't think this apology was a failed attempt to try to get you back. [-X

It was just a sincere apology after a fair amount of alcohol. Nothing more, nothing less.

So your silence is my answer to the questions that's been in my head all along:

"does he still care about me?"

"does he still miss me like I miss him?"

"would he make the effort of contacting me?"

"would he really be there for me like he promised me? "

NO

](*,)

That's the spirit LapointeP, dumpee power!

Thanks for the peptalk Janeiac. I just had to do it though, can't keep walking around with this guilt and regret towards him.

Yes I'm disapointed that he does not care enough for me to respond to me spilling my heart out but as long as he read it and knows I don't hold such a grudge anymore it's ok. I had to do this for closure even though it hurts. Does that make any sense

Not to stimulate people to break NC btw.

I was drunk and I spilled my heart out to you...

I wanted words but all I heard was..... nothing....

I got nothing

He didn't respond. I thought it would not bother me but it does. This sets me back.

Maybe he didn't even bother to read it. &^%*# THIS HURTS

After 49 days of NC.............................

........I caved in.

As I told you before, I gave up the hope of getting back together and I did not have the urge to contact him anymore.

But as I told you yesterday, I had my fair share of alcohol and.. I guess that made me weak.

I just had to get this off of my chest. To be honest I don't really have any regrets right now because I was walking with this feeling of regret for so long! I feel relieved that I finally had the nerve to tell my regrets to him even though it's in a big text message. I didn't tell him that I missed him or that I want to get back together. Just that I regret my harsh words.

I haven't checken on my phone yet if he replied. Neither have I checked my email inbox. I'm going to postpone that until I am ready for whatever he responds with. His responce would still have more impact on me than I predict right now. I just want him to know that I regret it, I don't want him to respond. That might sound strange but... I don't want him to ruin my progress with some bitter words.

Ok I'm just going to post here instead of email him or text him or smoke signal him because I've had some ( ok too much ) alcohol. And right now the temptation to contact him is very very very big. But I will not do it, I should not do it. Its just that I want to apologize for my stupid words. I really want to get it off my chest. I'm glad that even when I've had some drinks I cán refuse to call or text him. I'm just getting it off my chest on this forum instead.. *sigh* ( it's 4 am in the morning out here by the way, I just went out with my friends and I had a lot of fun, without him)

By the way Janeiac, you are really making progress and it's an inspiration for lots of new people out here

Janeiac is right. Long walks on the beach with your Ipod and the sun as your best friends ftw

Moonchill, how did you let the hope of getting back together go??

A combination of the following things: insight, time, distance,distraction, activity. After some time ( how much is different for everyone I think) in which you seeked distraction in activity.And in which you don't have contact with him so you are able to get some distance from the drama. There will be a time when you are in a peacefull state of mind,looking back at your relationship and come to an insight. That , for me , is how I let that hope go. The insight for me personally was that I was not his equal, I have more things in life to fix and to pick up while he got everything going for him. And that it's ok to accept it's over. That holding on is not needed. It's just.. an important insight you get after doing NC and some reflecting I guess. In the mean time if I were you I would focus on the last 3 things I summed up.

But I told you what worked for me. It might work different for you but sooner or later you will get your own important insights in life

Your story sounds very familiar nutcase, toothpain makes you forget the pain in your heart doesn't it

I'm still staying NC.

Since I let the hope go of getting back together I feel much better!

I hope I'm not only speaking for myself but for you guys too when I say;

It does get a lot easier after 2 months.

Today was such a good day.

I bumped into my high school crush. That made my heart beat faster for sure.

The sun was shining.. I made quite a walk on the beach on my own. My focus right now is losing weight. So I have plans to go jogging with a friend.

I don't have any urge anymore to contact him. It's like I'm no longer addicted! This forum is like a rehab centre

Right now ( and I hope it stays this way ) I feel strong. Maybe because finally the sun is shining again and that makes me extra optimistic. Although I do have my regrets and I can't stop missing him, it's not that overwelming anymore.

I really, really, really hope you will never get any clue about the fact that I am posting on this forum. I posted so much personal information on here. It would be easy for you to figure out who I am and who I'm posting about. I am at my most vulnerable in my posts.

Anyhow I miss you but it's getting less and less.

I'm getting better. I'm making a tiny bit progress in my life. But progress is progress.

After seeing an episode of Greys Anatomy I had an eye opener.

That it's time to let go of the hope of ever getting back together again.

To be honest to myself and to others, I still haven't. A little part of me wants to hold on to this hope very badly.

But it's unhealthy , it's unnecessary, it's very unlikely, it's not going to happen. It's just not.

So I will send this last words into the internet and who knows into your head

Het spijt me lieverd, maar ik kan dit niet langer. Ik kan het niet aan jou onder ogen te komen om tegen je te zeggen dat het me spijt hoe alles is verlopen tussen ons. Ik moet je loslaten, ik moet verder gaan met mijn leven. Ik haat je niet, ik hou niet van je, als het erop neer komt gun ik je iemand waarvan je vindt dat ze écht bij je past. Waarbij je je écht goed voelt. Ik mis je gigantisch veel. Ik hoop dat je me niet vergeet en toen ik zei dat ik jou graag wou vergeten meende ik dat niet. Ik heb er geen spijt van dat ik ooit iets met jou ben begonnen. We hebben toch fijne tijden meegemaakt. Je hebt me laten kennis maken met jouw bruisende fijne comfortabele leven. Ik voelde me er zo in thuis. Maar het is tijd om te accepteren dat ik niet meer welkom ben in jouw leven. Het is tijd om er voor te zorgen dat ik me zelf weer thuis voel in mijn eigen wereld. Ik lifte mee op jouw succes en dat is niet gezond. Vaarwel hiempje van me *Hiem* ^^

Ps. I don't think "Getting Back Together" is the right section for this thread. I think this thread belongs to " Healing after a Break-up" because that's why the most people on here practice No Contact right?

I just saw a man on tv that looks like you, talks a bit like you and has the same body language. I miss you.

I can not make contact again because I am ashamed at how I acted towards you. And I'm scared it might set me back. Scared to get hurt again. And yes, you ignoring my messages hurts me too. The only direction I can go is the NC direction Naw! Are you scared too? I said some pretty hurtfull things I know. I just want to let go of all this shame and regret and forgive myself. Forgive you. Move on. Please get out of my head you are no use here anymore.

Helpmetoheal, welcome back. Are you feeling a bit better right now?

Anthony4, congrats with your new job!

I don't feel like I'm progressing.

Simplyme01, it's good that you recognize it's just a phase. Because it is. It's a process with ups and downs. The more time passes the more stable it will get. Atleast that's what I hope for you

It's clouded out here, not only the sky but also in my head..

Somehow I have this feeling that he isn't single anymore. That he found someone new. It's strange how I think I just know. But I do.

It's hard to absolutely know nothing at all anymore about him. About his life. I'm such a curious person. Maybe I should just use that curiosity towards people that really matter like my friends and family but still......... *sigh* I'm getting frustrated at how much time it takes.

Simplyme01, it's just one of those days isn't it. Time for some sunshine maybe that will help. You are right about the fact that you should choose the music wisely. At the time I was typing it I was also listening to a song we listened together while cuddling and stuff so that just triggers emotions. I know it does and I should not listen to music that reminds me of him. But today his name appears everywhere haha. It might be a better idea to avoic music but somehow I want to keep the memory of him alive. Now I know it's just unnecessary torture.

Upupandaway, you are also right.. the best way to describe it is the feeling you have after watching a movie with an open ending.. But when you take a step back and haven't got contact in a while it feels like it brings more clarity in your head about the relationship.. as short as it was. In general I think it could not have worked out anyway, but when I feel weak I suddenly doubt it. I get lost in the "how things could have been IF" . It's indeed a different kind of pain.

Anyhow we are posting on this thread , instead of begging pleading crying desperately to our exes so:

=D>HOORAY FOR US =D>

Somehow I suddenly have a very strong urge to contact him. Listening to comforting music doesn't help a thing, it only makes things worse. I don't feel like talking to my friends about it so I've decided to hang around in this forum.

*sigh* I see I'm not the only one having trouble with this. I wish you all the strength you need.

I really miss him

I don't want to bother you guys with nagging but it's just something I need to type out of my head or something.

I felt so at home in his world. More than in my own world. So I guess that's the problem. I need to feel at home in my life again.

I dreamt of you. It felt so real. The day before you broke things up with me I dreamt you acted indifferent. I dreamt I wanted to go away from you because I felt that you were keeping your distance from me.

This dream was different. I saw your sad eyes. I tried to cover my real mood. I tried telling you how great my life has been without you. Well, its not.

It's not great. It takes time to be great again. It apparently takes more time than this relationship lasted.

I just...

I want you to want me.

Thanks for the peptalk, Janeiac

I dreamt about him. In that dream he wondered how I was doing and I was fake smiling claiming how everything was amazing.

I saw on his face how he didn't fall for that trick.

So that's a pretty realistic dream.

I'd like to meet him when I really dó feel amazing,not only claim such a thing.

@ scentencedtoagony: Isn't it strange that a short relationship can somehow have more impact on you then a long one. Maybe because in the short one ( with all the future talks) you build a dream in your head about how things could be.. In a long relationship you already know how it ended up to be. If that makes any sense to you

Steveofsussex, finally another person that has had a short relationship with quit an impact

My relationship was also short ( 2 months) and I had a hard time too, keeping NC.

But the more time passes.. the better it gets

Though I find myself thinking about him a lot,the pain is gone.

Helpmetoheal,

I love your self-mockery Despite your situation you've still got humor and that's important too!

You might feel like your at rock bottom right now BUT that means you can only go up from here right.

The hope you feel about getting back together offcourse makes you feel good but on the other hand letting go of that hope makes you feel relieved! Relieved that you don't have to spend so much energy thinking about it... thinking about him.

The ball doesn't need to be in his court if you don't allow it to be ( by making your own choice to move on,by not waiting till he behaves the way you want him to)

You obviously already got the hint. You already know what's best. But acting in your own best interest can be very difficult , this thread proves that. There are so many people who had this exact struggle but managed to succeed and feel good about it.

Let go of the false hope.. hold on to the one I'm talking about right now.. the hope that you can get over him.

Hi there, sweet one. I hope you miss me as much as I miss you. I hope I had an impact on you. No matter how small..

It is sooooooooooooooo difficult to resist contacting you. It really is. Right now I'm having a bad time. I haven't got my life figured out at all and I need you. I feel like I need your comforting voice telling me it is going to be allright.

Notgettingover, may I ask.. what's your story?

Good luck with the challenge