So, I have read many, many of posts in here, and I really feel for everyone. Break-ups, getting together, relationships in general, are hard work. So, hopefully everyone is coping, having good days and bad, but coping, nonetheless.
I met this girl, we'll call "C", when I was a junior in college. She was a senior and trying to decide what "to do next" and we became almost instant friends. I really enjoyed her company and heard that she was starting to see me as more of a friend. I was scared to pursue anything, but after a night of partying, made an ass of myself and pretty much told her I liked her too. We started to date in February. May came quickly and she graduated. I thought my heart was being pulled out of my chest. I didn't know when or if I would see her again, and we hadn't really decided what we were going to do about our "relationship" (I used " " because we weren't entirely exclusive at that point...we both were kinda commitment phobes). Anyway, she leaves and goes back to her homestate; I stay in college. The next semester I was doing an internship in another city. She ended up participating in a 2-year service program and ended up VERY close to where I would be for a semester. She later told me that my being in the city I was partly influenced her decision to where she did. We spend nearly every weekend of my senior year's fall semester. By this point, we are in love. I go back to college to finish up and we start a Long Distance Relationship. It is hard, since I am wealthy, and neither was she, but we manage to do a lot of flying and eventually I graduate from college. I want to be near her, but am also feeling a lot of pressure to consider graduate school, from my semi-controlling parents. Since I was barely 21 when I graduated from college, I decided to take a year off. She pretty much gives me an ultimatum, saying I should move to be close to her. So, of course, I do. I work in the same city I interned in, and things are fine for awhile. But, then we have issues. Our relationship, though much closer in distance, is still long distance, and now she is nearing the end of her 2 year service program and I am feeling pressured to go back to school, so we are both in somewhat major transistions. She tells me she just "wants to date" and this is hard, but I agree. I come accross a grad program that I have a really good feeling about and actually get accepted into. I decide that I am leaving, going to grad school, with or without her. Granted, I will admit that I really never gave my "year off" much of a chance, since I "knew" it was only going to be a year and then I would be leaving and she would be leaving too, going to, I wasn't sure. We patch up our issues, and I take a summer job about 4 hours away from her. We drive back and forth to spend approximately 24 hours together, which was hard, but well worth. She flies to my job and drives down to grad school with me and it feels like our relationship is getting better by the week. Now here is the kicker: She finally decides that she wants to leave her city, where she has been for nearly 3 years and move closer to me. I am all for this. We begin bouncing this around the first semester of my first year of grad school.
Well, around November, things took a dive for the worst. Despite talking to graduate advisor numerous times, several students, and really checking out this program, my grad program is just not working. I freak out and look at transfer options. She considers grad school and we look at places where we could be together, physically. By spring, I am miserable in school and probably taking some of it out on her. She doesn't really communicate how she is feeling and I wasn't aware it was really damaging her. It is March by this time, and we are still together, still visiting, but I am miserable and feeling betrayed and deeply misled by my graduate program and she is deciding where to go to be near me. I keep having this awful feeling that she will be miserable in the city I was in for grad school, because I myself was miserable. After a visit to our respective grad options out west, I tell her, deeply urge her to apply to a school she is apprehensive about. I tell her they are a very strong program, which is true, and that I might be interested in attending a school in the very same city, which I discovered to late to transfer to. About a few weeks later, she breaks up with me, in an email, saying "this isn't good for either one of us." She refuses to talk about it, on the phone, we are both overly emotional, blah, blah, blah. We finally do talk, I eventually see her, shortly after our break-up and it was very nice. She says that she will see me, and I say when...she replies, "when I feel ready enough to come back."
After a couple months of drama after our last visit (nice conversations, followed by emotional outbursts and a couple letters), I finally cut off communication with her. A month later, she decides we should be friends. She decided in very late June to attend the school I wanted her to go to, in a city I will probably end up very soon. I left grad school to pursue another interest of mine, but intend to go back in the near future. We have been communicating and have finally decided the reason for our break up was a lot of circumstantial stuff, with her saying verbatim "It probably wasn't the wisest decision" and then emailing me about how she often gets "inexplicably sad and wistful" about our "lost relationship" and "what could have been." This, frankly, is killing me. Are these hints or what? I could very well finally move and commit myself to be near her, very soon, but am unsure if this is wise. She is going to school in a city where I would eventually like to be, for school as well. I do love her, I do miss her, I do thing our breaking up was a bit rash. And I'm not thinking of going back to her just because I am lonely, whatever. I'm doing okay being single. I'm just thinking, that in Long Distance Relationships, that there does come a time to "poop or get off the pot". I wondering if her mind is completey made up. I hope I am relating everything...I can elaborate, fill in holes if needed.
