scorpion lady

His job isn't that bad. Some days are worse than others, like any typical job. I do not "come on" to him when I know he's had a bad day at work or if I know he is tired. As far as change of scenery, when he's had days off & the kid's be in school, I've tried in our living room, kitchen, bathroom. I don't wait until dark & the bedroom only. When I have tried talking to him about this, he always has the same excuse.......it's not me & he just has things on his mind. As far as the computer, yes, the kid's & I have said he is obsessed. From the time he gets in from work, until the time he's ready for bed (which is anywhere from midnight to 2 am) BTW, we get up each morning at 6:15 am, for him to go to work & the kid's to school. On the weekends......from the time he gets up to whenever he decides to go to bed, he's on the computer. Whenever I make comments about it (or even the kid's) he says that "relaxes" him & he is "learning" things. So, our teenager's go do whatever they want, & I sit on the couch, waiting until he isn't "reading" to try to hold a conversation with him, but mainly, there isn't a conversation. Just little chit-chat. I'll try to stay up with him, but I always end up falling asleep on the couch. He'll wake me up when he's ready for bed. And no, when we get to the bedroom, he always makes sure to yawn, say his head is hurting, very tired, etc.....to plant the idea in my head that there isn't any use in trying, he isn't in the "mood". I've even tried going on to bed without him for 3-4 months, leaving him up with the computer. I wouldn't really sleep, toss & turn, watch the clock to see when he'd finally turn it off & come to bed with me. Even with leaving suggestive thoughts in his head & me walking off to bed, practically begging him to come with me........he never followed me. He also gets really, really defensive when me or the kid's make remarks about him being obsessed with the computer. He throws up my falling asleep, me crocheting, the kid's on the phone, playing playstation, etc etc..... He also has to inform all 4 of us that "he pays the bills". It's like everything else comes before me. Time for me never comes anymore. He doesen't want to have time for me. I don't know. Me & my kid's "hang" together. Our oldest son is a Senior in high school, then I've got twin's, boy & girl, who are Sophomores in hs. My boy's play football & I'll throw football with them, play basketball, etc..etc... My daughter & I will try different hairstyles, listen to music, etc... I live for Friday nights & hs football games. This is my 4th year & I have never missed a game. When football is over, needless to say, it's nothing here but to sit, crochet, watch tv, while hubby "learns" on the computer. My kid's are the only thing that keeps me here. Without them, I'd be lost. They are almost grown & will leave one of these days & I always had this "dream" of what things would be like with me & my husband, but he hasn't had any desire for me in so long, what's life hold for me when my kid's are gone? I can't live like this.

Here's a little background. We are both 39 years old, 3 teenagers in high school, been married for 19 years. Around 10 years ago, our sex life started going downhill. At first it went to once a week, then once every two weeks, to once a month. Now it's to the point to where my husband hasn't touched me in 6 weeks, getting ready to start on the 7th week. This isn't the first time thats happened. The last time we had sex (which will soon be 7 weeks ago), we hadn't had sex for 6 weeks. First, I know there is NO problem with him getting/maintaining an erection. The whole problem is that he just is NOT interested in sex with me anymore. We have talked about this & I have poured my heart out to him, trying to make things better between us. But, nothing I say or do helps in any shape, form, or fashion. My husband claims there is nothing wrong with me, he says he just has "things" on his mind & sex is not on his list. I do NOT "hound" him on a daily basis for sex. Once a week, once ever two weeks, I'll try, only to be turned away. I have "came on" to him, tried to seduce him, tried to add some spice by asking if he wanted some cool whip or chocolate (of course he wasn't interested), ask to take a shower together (he says shower stall too small), flashed him, even tried touching him. All he does is turn away. For instance, I can walk up to him, start kissing on him, tell him how much I need & want him, run my hand down his chest to the front of his pants & "attempt" to rub him..........What does he do? Turns away quickly & will tell me.....now, now, now.....don't get yourself all worked up.........then he walks away from me. I am hurt, lonely. I feel all alone. I am tired of pleasuring myself. I know sex isn't everything in a realtionship, but it sure is a big part of it. Seems like I'm good at being the maid, work horse, friend, and mother to our 3 teenagers but when it comes to the bedroom..........I'm no good to him. I am so tired of being alone here. I feel guilty for saying this, but it's been on my mind for a couple of years now anyway.........I believe my husband is just "comfortable" in our so-called relationship. He's got a wife who works & doesen't mind changing oil in the cars, help put a roof on the house, cooks, cleans, & is a good mother. I feel like a "buddy" instead of a woman. I don't feel desirable at all. When that "blue moon" hits & we do have sex...........it's nothing special. I don't enjoy myself & am not satisfied afterwards. I can tell that my husband just isn't "into me or the sex" when its going on, that doesen't help me at all. I don't know but I'm getting to the point that I really don't care if he touches me anymore or not. Maybe thats why I don't enjoy sex with him. Maybe after all these years, all the turn downs, I may not be strong enough to walk away but in my mind, I've walked away from our relationship sexually, just as he has me. I'm sorry for going on & on here. This is my first post, I do not have anyone to talk to. I have casual friends but none close enough to actually talk to this deep. I'd appreciate any advice. I just don't know what to do or what I want anymore.