I do love you, you know I do..... Im crying while I type this. Months later and Im still clinging on to the hope that one day you'll change, the hope Ive been clinging onto for over a year now. I know you miss me but not how I miss you. It was a mistake to stay with you the other night, waking up next to you again just reminded me how much I miss what we had together. You moved on much quicker than I am able to. I guess thats because youve had a lot more time to think about everything and were more prepared.
Im tired of feeling this way. I know that if we hadnt contacted each other since I moved out, Id be a lot further into the recovery process than I am now.
Why dont you want me? What did I do wrong? How can you only want me as a friend and why cant you see a future with me by your side?
Im not going to contact you now but I know you'll contact me at some point. I dont want to, but I know that every time I get a message on my phone I will be hoping it will be you. What Ive got to remember is that youve let me down so many times and its all my fault......... yeah, my fault for expecting you to change. I blame myself for not having the ability to accept change, accept rejection and not being able to move on. I do miss you, I do love you and I guess I always will but I have to accept that you will never change your feelings for me. I still dont understand though, if you loved me as much as you said you did, why werent you prepared to work through it all?
Im sorry that I couldnt be the one that made you truly happy, thats all I ever wanted to do. I would have been by your side until the end. Please take care. I love you X