RKYMTNHUSBAND

The kids are 6 and 12 They seem to roll with the ups and downs pretty well. The younger of the two is a carbon copy of me so sometimes I think he feels rejection more deeply than his brother. She can be somewhat harsh with both of them as she is fairly overwhelmed most of the time. I am hopeful that there will be some kind of breakthrough soon.

Thanks Mar. I think that I will be operating under the assumption that I will be here until the kids depart. After that, if things have not improved or have gotten worse then...well lets just say I still dont want to be the one to pull the trigger on the big "D".

Thanks Mar. I think that I will be operating under the assumption that I will be here until the kids depart. After that, if things have not improved or have gotten worse then...well lets just say I still dont want to be the one to pull the trigger on the big "D".

I agree that she could benefit from some therapy. I can tell you that there is NO WAY she will go though. I think that the reason is a combo of the "its not me with the problem" and the "I do not agree with Psychology philososophy". I am really on the rollercoaster here. I want to make this work but I am also in need of some physical contact with someone. I want to feel free to love on my WIFE with out feeling pushed away or that I am being annoying. I am not talking about just sex here. (although that is a good thing too) I cant remember the last time she just came to me and showed me any affection. Sex is on her terms and her terms alone. When we were dating we were together EVERY DAY. I felt that she was hot for me. Since we have been married, I quit asking for sex because she would either turn me down out right or start up with me but it was REAL obvious that she was just not wanting to do this but "Its my duty so I guess I will" at that point I would just stop and then she would be mad at me for stopping. Or I would try to keep going, to try to satisfy her(and me) but would stop "functioning" talk about a fight then. It seems that I have quite a mess on my hands here. i am at a loss as to what to do.

Hello all, First let me say I am sorry for the long-winded post. Vital stats are: 32 yo male. Married 8 years. Two kids. Varied education and work history. I met my wife in college and fell immediately in love. we married and have never had good communication. I have always tried to develop real intamacy in our marriage but for eight years she has continued to keep me at arms length. Our sex life is dismal. once a month is doing well. Last YEAR we were "together" four times. The forcast for this year is not looking any better. Any time I try to talk to her about the issues in our life, it either turns into a shouting match or she just blows the issues off because she just wants to "keep the peace" I admit that I am far from the perfect husband. I have not always been as attentive as she might like. I am also easily distracted by lifes challanges. I am in the process of bettering myself in an effot to make myself more acceptable to her. Working out multiple times a week(for no more than an hour,at home) going to school, doing TONS more around the house(to be that helpful husband), spending quality time with the kids,and being "up"and flirty with my wife. All of this stuff has actually become annoying to her. I cant figure out just what it is that she really wants and she is not telling me what she wants. I am hopelessly in love with this woman. I find her to be stunningly sexy even after two kids and the toll that working parenthood takes on a woman. The sex thing is really bumming me out because I am a VERY sexual man and want nothing more than to be giving to her in bed. Frankly, It is pathetic that the closest that I get to real sex with her is the mental replay of sex with her during those times where I am "taking care of myself" I have tried to get her to come with me to therapy, but since it is me with the "problem" I have gone alone. It ended upthat I went to get the tools needed to exist in a loveless marriage until the kids had grown. The idea being that XX ammount of years is a long time and alot can change for the better. If not I would then get out while I still had life left to find someone to have a vibrant relationship with. I want to say though, that it is with this woman that I long to have that relationship with. I guess I am looking for some advice as to what I can do to try to get her to fall back in love with me. I understand that I cannot "make" her love me, but there has to be something I can do to make the situation better. There has to be a way that we can each get our needs met with out argueing. I am firmly commited to our relationship. During a "discussion" with her I said that it felt that she was distancing herself from me and that it feels as though she feels that she had settled for less than she deserved, and that she is resentful of that. VERY painful when she said nothing to dismiss this assumption. Any help would be great. If more info is needed...I am game.