hidden_kitten

Day 40 - Well, I have proved to myself that I can stop harrassing him and forcing him to see things my way...but it hurts that he's not even once bothered to check in with me, despite promising for years if we ever broke up "I'll always be your friend", "I still want to be a part of you life". Do all guys lie like this? I have organised lots of things to improve my life (I'm working again, learning to drive, starting another lot of night classes this month), but I wish I could share this good news with him. Now I have nobody except the shell of myself.

I wish that I could hate you for all the promises that you broke. You were never interested in looking for a better job for yourself, to move in with me, to support us in moving forward. Instead you stick your head in the sand, act a coward and let it all fizzle out.

You will never achieve your dreams. You are stuck in this hole of a town and will never get out. I'm heading for the stars instead. Ciao

Right, just another member making a pledge to do NC PROPERLY this time. I acted the crazy ex and have called him a dozen times in the past week. He didn't pick up any of them. I'm forgiving myself because he did admit that he thought about committing suicide a month or so ago, erk...so yeh got very worried about the silence on his part but a friend has since assured that he's okay. So he's NCing me now, really.

So Day 1 for me. It's very odd being the dumper and still in love, and pain, 6 months later. The worst is yet to come but that will mean the only way left is upwards

I really don't know if I should see you again. It's inevitable that I will, and I'll be a wreck most likely. I want you back so much but I just muck up everything for you, I never dreamed of being such an awful girlfriend. You didn't deserve any of it.

This has been one eventful weekend, and I wish I could talk to you about it like we did in old times. Instead I get so many jealous pains whenever I see your name or a text from you. I'm working loads next week, really not looking forward to it, but it will keep me away you.

I really wish I never let it come to this. I thought I was doing the right thing but I feel insane. You're the only one who is acting with any sense right now, not giving into me. I tried moving all your photos off my computer but my damn CD drive isn't working so now that folder's within one easy click. This is gonna take a long time.

S, if you ever EVER change your mind, do not hesitate to contact me.

I tried being friends too early. I should never have messaged you. I should never have got myself into this mess in the first place. Wish there was some mandatory course about relationships that everyone should go on so I knew how to treat you right. No wonder you'd rather be with her now. Ugh ugh ugh I hate this.

The urge to text you or send an email is very strong today, but I have no idea what I'd actually write. Or what I'd even want to hear back. You'd probably just talk about her all the way through.

Have I made the biggest mistake of my life? Why did you let me treat you the way I did? I want to go back and erase it all, then start again.

I take it all back. I want to be with you again. I want to do it properly this time.

really missing your arms and those brown eyes tonight...but it wasn't enough for our future together.

I'm beginning to understand now why things have happened the way that they have. I'm sorry for everything I put you through and wish I could be a friend to you, but it's too hard right now. Wait a few more months

I can't believe you're with her now. When C asked me out after you and I broke up I said no because I knew how you felt about him. I would never want to betray you in that way, yet you go running to her at the drop of a hat because you can't stand to be by yourself. Pathetic.

Thank you for the birthday wishes today, but you know why I can't respond. I would just expect it to lead somewhere and for us to magically morph into each other's soulmates.

I have a notebook where I wrote down the special texts that you sent me over the past 4 years. Man you came on strong. I wonder if you're sending the same thing to her?