adamboy

I think the above to be the most rationale straightforward post on this forum...playing hardball "no contact" games is a road to nowhere in most cases unless your purpose is to truly move on and forget and them forget you..if you want to get an ex back you have to be prepared to enter the battle not run away from it.It is like a game of chess... Yes you might feel like you have contol but it is an illusion because during the time what you really are wanting is your lover to return (and that is why most people come here despite the lofty claims of it being all about getting yourself back...and to which everyone pays lip service..yes this aspect is important you did need yourself back (and you should never have lost it to begin with)...and you do need to work on those areas of character that you fall down in, if you do that is...but if you have a substantial emotional control (what needs work on first for many people...and the thoughts,self talk that drive these emotions) then you can pick and choose your own amount of avaibility and contact...your own responses to your ex partners questions and so on...an initial period of no contact does no harm and helps infact.It keep you from not doing these crucial no-no's ...pleading,begging,trying to cajole and convince.emotional blackmail ,angry outbursts and all the many other undignified behaviors...it also help in getting your partner to miss you and possibly reassess the situation and this is exactly what you want...every relationship involves comprimise and so too it's reconcilliation...your ex is very unlikely going to suddenly say in one fell swoop "oh I love you madly and want you back right now this minute" in fact her/him wanting you back will come about gradually...initial no contact paves the way but hard ball "no contact" holding out for everthing you want and when you want it is a mugs game in most instances ...you wont get your partner back on your time frame but in theirs and you can definetly help this along. Holding out for your ex to meet your specific conditions or issuing ultimatums is "not letting go" but actually holding on tighter than ever and thats exactly how your ex will see it and more importantly feel it.