Hi,
I am writing to get some feedback on my situation. I had been in a relationship for 2 years. It ended a month ago. I knew entering into the relationship that the person I was with showed signs of depression. He told me of his feelings of despair and sorrow before I came along. However, like most new relationships, everything is fun and exciting, getting to know the others mind and body is exhilerating. He became this incredible person, always happy, loving, and caring. After a year and a half, he began using marijuana and drinking late at night after I went to bed. He was not an alcoholic, there would be days where he didn't drink. He was also not abusive and we never argued, no yelling, no screaming. The pattern of drinking and smoking resembled his previous lifestyle, one which I was aware of. He was no longer affectionate towards me the way he had been. I talked with him numerous times about this. I am not a needy person, but I like to be held or touched, something to show that the other cares. He told me a few times that he was losing the passion for the relationship. I asked what we could do to make things better, he responded every time by saying that it was not me, that it was something he needed to deal with. I talked to him about seeing a doctor about depression. He agreed and was diagnosed with mild depression. He took prozac for three weeks and quit. I am a stubborn person and if I love someone I feel that I should try to do what I can to help make things better. After 6 months he decided to leave me. I was crushed. I believed and perhaps still do, that he needed time to make things right, to get things right in his mind and would eventually come back. We would talk and write a few times a week, but every time I would cry. He felt bad and would become this caring person I once knew a long time ago. He never lead me on, he never told me what I wanted to hear. He did tell me that he lost the passion for the relationship, that he was not in love with me, but that he loved me, which I assume meant that he loved me as a friend that he still cared for me. He would tell me that I did nothing wrong and everything right. He said that he was sorry he couldn't be the loving and caring person I needed.
A little over a week ago was the last time I talked to him. I asked one last question "Why wasn't I worth getting help?" I wanted to know why he didn't take the necessary steps to feel better about himself while he was with me. Why didn't he try?, was I not worth that? He called later that night to tell me he started taking prozac and was planning on seeing a psychiatrist.
I love this man very much and it is a hard thing to deal with when they no longer love you. I reason to myself that this is for the best, but I still miss him. I still wish he would call or write to let me know that he is better and that he loved me and wanted me back. I know this won't happen and it hurts. I told him the last time we talked that I needed to be alone for a while, that I couldn't be friends right now. I want to start healing and feeling better. I try to keep busy. But I still wish. It was difficult, but I never called or wrote. I don't plan on it for a while. Why can't I let go? I know this takes time, but it hurts so much.
So, I am reaching out, not only to my family and friends but to people I don't know to give me words of advice or to share a story somewhat similar to my own. Thank you for your time.
