InTheCold

Hello all, Thank you for taking the time to read my post and I would be most grateful for any comments or thoughts you may care to share. I'll try to be brief, bear with me: I am trying to cope after the end of what I thought was a very real and meaningful relationship. Firstly, we are both mature adults, she 35 and I 37. We met and soon after went on a date and it was very evident that before the end of dinner we were both smitten. We kissed at the table (something she said she would usually never dream of doing) and I was invited back to her place that first night where a degree of intimacy occurred (again something never done she said) From there we were very quickly in that almost surreal state where we both seemed to think we had finally found "the one." She said things to me like "I've never felt anything like this" "You're so wonderful, I'm so happy you're in my life" ---I trust anybody in this community can empathize. (One note, It didn't really register at the time, but she had pledged that if we ever did break up, she would be caring and kind and would never hurt me, and she even disclosed that she had a particular restaurant that she has appointed where she ends relationships---why a gigantic red flag didn't appear is due only to my thought at the time that us breaking up was utterly inconceivable) She made a point of introducing me to her brother (They are very close and it basically corresponded to meeting the parents) and later gushed "I can't believe I kissed you in front of my brother" another supposedly unprecedented act. Let me arrive to the end of the affair, or perhaps more accurately its abortion. On the July 4th weekend, we met at a bar on the evening of the 3rd, and spent the night hanging with her friends. I somewhat resented this as I thought we would spend the time alone and had looked forward to having a great weekend with her. Anyway, finally we were in a cab en route to her appartment. After I had paid the fare, I realized that I must have dropped my wallet in the taxi. This was a serious matter as I had my Green Card in it and need to travel sometimes which would mean a nightmare of going to US immigration. She said it was best that I go home as she didn't have internet access or a phone land line and I would be better off taking care of cancelling bank cards etc where I have these things. When I got home, I called her and said should I come over, she said yes but to drink two more beers before I leave (apparently on the grounds that it would calm me down, I was already whacked) I must have fallen asleep and was out cold. When I awoke I had 8 calls from her that night asking if I was coming. She also called the following morning. I was still very stressed about the wallet and for some stupid reason didn't call her until about 9:00PM and just briefly said that I had fallen asleep, was sorry and not much else. We agreed to meet the next day. Here is where I first got a sense that all was not well. She wouldn't let me meet her at her place (a first) and even said we should meet in a different neighborhood. We had a lunch and for the first time she didn't let me kiss her---up till then it seems every moment together was spent kissing, she said something like "everything is good, there's something you're just not seeing, but everything's good" She had also given me an envolope containg $100 (I obviously had lost my ATM card and due to the holiday the banks were closed so I couldn't get any money) and a poem she said she had written for me the night before which expressed deep passion. She then told me that she was spending the rest of the afternoon and night with friends and walked me to the subway (I don't like sounding self pitying but this felt really hurting, basically her saying bugger off home to sit by yourself all holiday weekend while I party with my friends and have fun) I didn't call her until the following Monday and she said she was on a call and would call me back in a few hours. By midnight, she hadn't called and I left a vm. She still never called back. On Thurday I sent a dozen red roses to her at work (I had given her roses before and she had loved them) she didn't even aknowledge them. I finally ran into her at a bar and she was totally nasty and said I should leave. I had one more bar run-in with her pretty much the same thing. I admit in the aftermath I committed the entire catalogue of things not to do following a break up (but give me a little slack, I was never informed that we had broken up) told her I loved her (actually true) asked for a chance to talk, left some unwise voicemails (which she gleefully told me she broadcast to all of her friends) and so on. So my question is, how can somebody go overnight from "you're the love of my life" to simply never speaking to me again. This whole thing has devistated me. She just switched off and decided never to speak to me again. I went through weeks of not sleeping, hardly eating, praying for a call. I couldn't believe that a mature, professional, 35 year old woman could behave like this. What in the name of God happened here? Do you think that this is basically an oft-repeated game for her?. I truly felt love for this woman and was just left to twist in the wind. Again, thanks for any response.