HidingThePast

Agreed, but someone I care about is a friend of the mayor's daughter and and I don't want the mayor's daughter to broadcast my business. If my friend is going to find out I'd rather it wasn't through petty gossip. Actually, I don't talk about it becuase I can relate to her situation and know it's something she doesn't want discussed. The subject doesn't come up often, but every time I hear it discussed there at least one new person in the group that didn't know and does now. Everyone also gets this sad "poor her" look about them and says things like "I can't believe it, her dad seems so cool." I don't want my skeletons discussed or anyone pitying me in the same manner. I also don't want anyone to look down on my dad. He made his mistakes, paid for them and has his life back together now. I don't know. I don't think about this stuff often, usually just when I'm going to see someone from home (which I did yesterday). I guess I just wish I could see people from home and not feel ashamed of things that happened so long ago and that I had no control over then or now. Why can't people just leave stuff in the past?

Thanks sweety, but honestly I'm far from brave about this topic. I've NEVER talked to anyone about it and were it not for the anonomity of the internet I wouldn't have shared it here either. Thanks for you kind words, though.

You're right in a way. No I don't think random people see me and say "oh there's the girl whose dad was involved in that big drug bust." I do think people who know me or who lived in my neighborhood still remember it, though. There wasn't much crime in my hometown so my father's arrest was quite the scandal and the local newspapers depicted him as some sort of drug king pin. I sometimes hear friends gossiping about other people's families and I wonder what they say about me when I'm not present. For example, this girl's mom died under "suspicious circumstance" about 12 years ago. People still talk about her mom's death and what "really happened." It's certainly not something you hear talked about every day or everytime someone sees her, but the topic is discussed on occasion. I'm not worried about strangers making a connection between me and my father's crime. Surely most people have forgotten about it. I'm concerned about it being brought up in conversation between mutual friends and people close to me finding out and pitying me or thinking differently of my father. I also worry that they'll feel uncomfortable around us or uneasy because I haven't been forthcoming with them. I particularly worry about the mayor's family. Frankly speaking the mayor is not a law enforcement officer and had no right to even be present at the police raid, but he was walking around my house that night like he owned the place. I remember him looking at me and knowing he recognized me from school/sports teams. He knew that I went to school with his daughters and I'm sure I've been discussed in their house at some point or another. I get nervous everytime I see his youngest daughter because I don't really know her well and she has no reason to keep my family issues private. She seems like a gossip queen and I just envision her telling people details of what her father saw that night. It just sucks, but short of completely severing ties with people from home it doesn't seem like there is anything I can do.

I've been hiding a family secret ever since childhood. I'm 28 years old now and I still feel trapped by my family history. To the eye that doesn't know any better, my childhood probably looked idealic. I grew up in a two parent, upper-middle class household in suburbia. My parents were both successful people and I was a popular student/athlete. Our "perfect family" image masked the reality of a less than ideal homelife. My father was a workaholic, who abused drugs and alcohol. Although it surely strained my parents relationship, his drinking/drug use didn't initially affect me, partly because he was so good at hiding it. He even started dealing drugs to support his habit and conceal his spending from my mother (this way my mom wouldn't notice withdrawls from their bank account or ask him about missing money) As I got older, I became more aware of what was really happening...what mom and dad were always arguing about, why my father (a charismatic business man) was meeting all of these shady people, why he spent so much time "getting ready" in the bathroom each morning, etc, etc. I didn't dare tell anyone, though. I kept quiet and pretended things were normal. That pretense was shattered late one night when I woke up to screams and glass breaking. It was the police. They were raiding my house to arrest my father for drug possession and distribution. I've never been so afraid in my life. As afraid as I was about what would happen to my family, I was almost as scared about what everyone else would think of us. My friend's dad was a cop, another friend's father was the town mayor...they were both involved in the raid. Besides who could miss the 10 police cars with flashing lights in front of the house. Everyone was going to know. Strangely few people said anything to me about it. I lied to those who did ask. "Was that your dad in the newspaper? Nope it's a common last name" "why were the police at your house? someone tried to break into the house! we called 911" blah blah blah Over time the people stopped asking. The arrest was probably the best thing that could have happened to my dad because it forced him to get his act together. He has been recovered ever since. I, on the other hand, still feel trapped by what he did. I told so many lies to hide the family secret during his arrest, trial, treatment. I still panic when I see the mayor's daughter or someone else from my hometown in a social setting because part of me worries that they know and will expose me to my friends. What should I do? I didn't do anything wrong, but I still feel ashamed. I wish I could just forget this happened and get on with life. I don't want to sever ties with everyone I grew up with so "do they know" will be an ongoing problem. I can't tell all of these people I've been lying to them for 10-15 yrs, but I'm scared to death someone will tell someone who'll tell one of my friends, etc... Any advice?