Briefly, as I don't see the relevance of the drama...
I was recently relieve (not by choice) from a relationship that obviously had some fundemental flaws, but consisted of two ppl after a very rare and noble aim. she (me) 23, 5 serious relationships prior to (serial monogomist since the age of 15. he 24, first relationship.
I'm over the idea of floating on a cloud, and fireworks galore and am interested in really working to achieve an end goal. love. I honestly believe that a few rare ppl who have spent there life putting in serious efforts and serious work truly now what love is. I wanted to do that, and I found someone who felt EXACTLY the same. Unfortunately type and polarity were not working for us. Very similar creatures and we both got off on criticizing and judging our weak points that we saw in the other, and putting on the defenses. Despite our aim, and our acknowledgement of this fact, it was a fact that our machines could not escape.
And so he called it off, not seeing our similar and rare aim, and my immense sense of hope as being enough.
Maybe not, he certainly needs more experience whatever the case.
Here's the drama. first break up lasted 3 days...and then we lasted another month...2nd break up lasted one week and then we lasted another week, until our third break up. we "connect" when we're apart, manage to escape the tension of our polaritys...but the moment we're together again, that connection fades...
so we should just be friends, fine! after being in a relationship for the past 9 years non stop, i'm ready for a year off...i need it. It's hell, because I know he will not reaccur. his sincerity and our similar aim seems like SUCH a rarity, Losing the oppurtunity to work w/ someone like that on a similar goal is heartbreaking...but I will learn to deal.
The issue here is this sense of jealousy thats beginning to take over. Knowing that I'm not going to be dating for the next year, and his plan is to get in that experience...despite the fact that nothing has happened yet, my breath is already tight. Jealousy should not exist in real love...we knew we didn't have it. and i have all the logic, but the heart won't listen, won't take it seriously, and i am so identified w/ this jealousy.
What to do. We've been AIM'ing and talking and seeing eachother fairly frequently...not as much as when we were together but today is the first day i've not talked to him in over a year...
should connections be cut for a while...the jealousy is what i want to kill here...the rest of it i'll deal w/ on my own...
but i need to maintain a friendship here, we work together...and could potentially serve eachother well on our search even if not being a direct part of it (it's a personal search anyways...) we both value eachother a great deal...but this jealousy needs to die...
if anyone knows a hitman for this disease or has some suicide suggestions, i'd like to kick my jealous me out of my carcus.
thanks
