awhyte

Hello World, Wow, where do I start.., I've been going out with my girlfriend for the last 5 years. It was all very intensive, we moved in together after 1 year of a long -distance-relationship. And have been living together since (4 years If my calculator is working correctly). The first 2 years plus were incredible, we travelled alot, found out that we like the same music, books, people, cities etc. etc. The only fights we ever had were about a) My tidyness & b) That I can be a bit inactive at times (in the sense that I am not always calling my friends and planning stuff). We even worked together for 2 years. Indeed: Getting up together, walking (yeah, I'm in Europe ) to work together, sitting in the same office together, going to lunch together, going home together, eating dinner together, watching TV together, going to bed together. Naturally we weren't like that every day, but a good proportion of our time was spent like that. Despite this proximity there were no real problems except the above mentioned. For my defence my lord, I earn very well and am successful by all definitions of the word. I always paid much more (rent, dinner, cinema, holidays etc.) and far more importantly, I never felt like I was being "done" or "used" or even over generous. I earned more, and was more than happy to pay for the things. Thats what love is about??! Our first apartment was a bit small, dark and depressing, and we stayed there for three years (far too long I know). But about a year ago we moved into a new much larger, beautiful apartment. In the meantime my gf lost her job and went freelancing in a completely new area for her (for the last 18 months now). This was a huge strain on the relationship, I was / am also unhappy in my job, but cannot find anything at the moment. So basically she was working from home and I was coming home every night in a "bad mood". Not good for the feel good factor. So HERES THE POINT (finally, the audience cheers). For the last 18 months, we have been having increasingly frequent fights. Tidyness, activeness, future, kids, marriage etc. She is 33 and I am 30. Naturally the more often we had fights the more unsure I became if she is the right girl for me. The more unsure I became the more she thought that I wasnt the right guy to marry and have kids with. etc. etc. Snowball effect or something. Exactly 1 month ago she went to a party and meet a guy shes known for 10 years (but only met maybe 3 times in that time). Since then our relationship has been hell on earth. Fights every day etc. I only found out 4 days ago that she had met someone else. Since then I have found out that she has met him 3 times since (he lives in a different city) and in the process she has naturally lied to me. Some facts: * Until 4 days ago we never REALLY discussed ever breaking up, or the possibility thereof. thereforeeeeee it is such a HUGE shock. * After a lot of Soul Searching I cannot see any real mistakes I made. Perhaps the only one being that I never (properly) proposed to her. We have joint-bank accounts, I pay twice as much into the account, we have a cleaning lady, I take her on surprise holidays etc. Maybe I became complacent that our love was permanent... * Even since I found out that she's been meeting him and we promised to tell each other the truth, she has lied to me. Question: What to do???? I still love her for Godssakes (naturally now that she is "gone" I really realize it), and was always planning to marry her. I know the "New Guy" is not really the problem, if we had been harmonious, then she would probably never have fallen in love... But then again its hard discussing the relationship when you know someone is waiting in the wings. To make matters more interesting - he is MARRIED.... Anyone got any similar stories? Any girls out there who can see it from my GF's side? Should I move out, or is that then giving up and giving the relationship no chance? I know we need time and distance, but I can't wait around for months waiting for her to decide between us... Yours, A.