I'VE BEEN DIVORCED FOR A YEAR NOW. AND separateD FOR ALMOST 2 YEARS. BUT I'M STILL DEEPLY IN LOVE WITH MY EX HUSBAND. HE IS THE ONE THAT WANTED THE DIVORCE. AND NOW THAT I LOOK BACK, I CAN'T BLAME HIM ONE BIT. I WASN'T THE GREATEST WIFE IN THE WORLD TO HIM. AND GOD KNOWS HE TREATED ME LIKE A QUEEN, UP UNTIL THE END. I GUESS HE GOT TIRED OF BEING TREATING BADLY BY ME. HE ALWAYS TOLD ME I NEEDED TO GROW UP. AND I NEVER REALIZED WHAT HE MEANT, UNTIL OUR SEPERATION. I NEVER HAD TO WORK, OR WORRY ABOUT MONEY WHEN I WAS WITH HIM. HE TOOK CARE OF ME VERY WELL. HE EVEN HAD MY MOTHER COME AND STAY WITH US. SO I WOULD HAVE SOMEBODY WITH ME WHILE HE WAS AT WORK. I ALWAYS THOUGHT HE WAS CHEATING ON ME. BUT COULD NEVER PROVE IT. I GUESS YOU COULD SAY I WAS THE REAL JEALOUS TYPE. BUT AFTER OUR BREAK UP, WELL, MY HEART WAS COMPLETELY BROKEN. AND IT TOOK ALL OF THAT TO MAKE ME SEE HOW BAD I SCREWED UP. AND I KNEW HE LOVED ME MORE THAN ANYONE ELSE. SO WHY DID I MAKE IT SO HARD ON HIM? I HAD TO LIVE WITH THAT FOR A LONG TIME. I DIDN'T EVER SEE HIM AGAIN. AND I ALWAYS WONDERED IF HE STILL LOVED ME OR THOUGHT ABOUT ME. SHORTLY AFTER OUR BREAK UP, HE STARTED SEEING SOMEONE ELSE. AND MY HEART FELT LIKE IT WAS BREAKING ALL OVER AGAIN. SINCE THEN, I'VE TRIED TO DO BETTER BY MYSELF. I'VE DONE REALLY WELL FOR MYSELF. I HAVE A GOOD JOB, A GREAT HOUSE. AND MY KIDS THAT ARE NOT WITH HIM, ARE GROWING LIKE CRAZY. BUT AFTER ALMOST 2 YEARS, I CAN'T THINK OF ANYONE BUT HIM. I ALWAYS THOUGHT IN TIME, I WOULD GET OVER HIM. I KNEW HE HAD SOMEONE LIVING WITH HIM. BUT I STILL DREAMED ABOUT BEING WITH HIM AGAIN. I EVEN MOVED TO A DIFFERENT STATE THINKING THAT WOULD HELP ME GET OVER HIM. HE STILL LIVES IN THE SAME TOWN THAT ALL OF MY FAMILY LIVES. AND ONE DAY OUT OF THE BLUE, MY AUNT CALLED ME AND SAID MY EX HAD CAME BY HER HOUSE LOOKING FOR ME. I COULDN'T UNDERSTAND WHAT HE WANTED AFTER ALL OF THIS TIME. I KNEW IT WASN'T BECAUSE HE WANTED TO GET BACK TOGETHER. I THOUGHT MAYBE SOMETHING BAD HAD HAPPENED AND HE WANTED TO LET ME KNOW. ABOUT THREE DAYS LATER, I GOT THE COURAGE UP TO CALL AND ASK HIM WHAT HE WANTED. NOW REMEMBER, I HAVEN'T EVEN TALKED TOO OR SEEN THIS MAN SINCE HE TOLD ME HE DIDN'T WANT TO BE WITH ME ANYMORE. I WAS TERRIFIED OF HEARING HIS VOICE. WHEN WE TALKED, I GUESS HE GIRLFRIEND WAS ANGRY THAT I CALLED. HE WOULDN'T REALLY TELL ME WHAT HE WANTED. AND I LEFT IT AT THAT. BUT I COULDN'T HELP BUT WONDER FOR MONTHS DOWN THE ROAD. ABOUT 3 WEEKS AGO, I WENT BACK TO MY HOME TOWN TO VISIT. AS MY AUNT AND I WERE DRIVING DOWN THE ROAD, WE SEEN MY EX HUSBAND. I WONDERED IF HE HAD THE SAME CELL PHONE NUMBER. SO INSTEAD OF WONDERING, I CALLED IT. AND HE ANSWERED IT. HE ASKED ME HOW I HAD BEEN DOING AND ALL. WE TALKED FOR A WHILE BEFORE THE COMMENT CAME UP ABOUT US MEETING SOMEWHERE. HE SAID HE JUST WANTED TO TALK ABOUT OLD TIMES. SO WE ENDED UP MEETING. WE DIDN'T TALK LONG. I SHOWED HIM PICS OF MY DAUGHTERS AND TALKED ABOUT MY FAMILY AND HIS. AFTER ABOUT 15 MINUTES, WE BOTH SAID WE HAD TO GO. I DID ASK HIM IF HE WAS STILL WITH THE GIRL. HE SAID YES. MY AUNT WAS WITH US, SO WE REALLY COULDN'T TALK ABOUT ANYTHING I WANTED TOO. BUT AS WE WERE STANDING OUTSIDE MY TRUCK, HE ASKED IF HE COULD SEE ME AGAIN BEFORE I WENT BACK HOME. I TOLD HIM YES, WE COULD MEET UP LATER AFTER I TOOK MY AUNT HOME. AND AS WE HUGGED, HE TRIED TO KISS ME. MY FIRST INSTINCT WAS TO MOVE BACK AND NOT LET HIM. AND THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I DID. HE SAID HE WAS SORRY FOR THAT. AND WE BOTH WENT OUR separate WAYS. AFTER I DROPPED MY AUNT OFF AT HER HOUSE, I CALLED HIM BACK. WE MET UP LATER. AND I GUESS WE DROVE AROUND ALL NIGHT TALKING. HE HELD MY HAND AND TOLD ME THINGS I HAD ALWAYS WONDERED. HE SAID HE USED TO DRIVE BY WHERE I LIVED JUST TO SEE IF I WAS STANDING OUTSIDE. AND THAT HE STILL LOVED ME VERY MUCH. WHEN I ASKED IF HE LOVED HER, HE WOULDN'T ANSWER ME. HE JUST SAID HE CARED FOR A LOT AND THAT SHE WAS A GOOD GIRL. BUT EVERYTIME HE WOULD LOOK INTO MY EYES, IT SEEMED LIKE HE WAS GOING TO CRY. I COULD TELL THAT HE TRULY DID STILL LOVE ME. AND I KNEW IT WAS WRONG, AND SO DID HE. BUT WE MADE LOVE TO ONE ANOTHER THAT NIGHT. I FELT REALLY BAD ABOUT IT. BUT I COULDN'T CONTROLL MYSELF. I'M STILL VERY MUCH IN LOVE WITH THIS MAN. AND HE TOLD ME THE MOST AWFUL NEWS THAT NIGHT. THAT HIS GIRLFRIEND WAS PREGNANT. WE HAD MY TUBES TIED YEARS AGO WHEN WE WERE TOGETHER. BECAUSE HE NOR I WANTED ANYMORE KIDS. AND I ASKED IF HE WAS HAPPY ABOUT IT. HE TOLD ME HE DIDN'T WANT ANYMORE KIDS, BUT SHE WAS VERY HAPPY ABOUT IT. AND THEN WE LEFT IT AT THAT. HE TOLD ME TO CALL HIM. BUT I LET A WEEK PASS. AND WHEN I WENT TO VISIT MY MOM. I CALLED HIM. WE MET UP AGAIN AND MADE LOVE. IT'S LIKE THE OLD TIMES AGAIN. I GUESS. BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. I FEEL BAD FOR DOING THIS BEHING HER BACK. AND SOMEHOW I THINK HE'S STILL VERY MUCH IN LOVE WITH ME. AND IS TRYING TO FIND A WAY OUT OF IT WITH HER. I GUESS HE WAS PROUD THAT I DID GROW UP. AND HE TOLD ME HE WAS PROUD. BUT I NEED HELP. SHOULD I KEEP SEEING HIM. AND HOPE IT TURNS OUT GOOD FOR ME. OR SHOULD I BACK OFF. SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT TO DO.
