Things about me..
I am 23 years old. I live in the US. and I am insecure with in myself.
I recently got out of a "strange relationship" to say the least. My ex and I were together for about 2 years. And it was off and on. When we broke up in November of last year. I cried my eyes out. Was 1000% sure he was the one I wanted for the rest of my life. But as of right now, I am not so sure.
About two weeks ago, I was out with friends, and drinking. Rather than drinking and driving a friend took me by a resturant to get some food. He and I were out until about 4:30 am.
And things ended up happening. Regardless, this wasnt right. And honestly I feel kinda bad. Well anyways fast forward to Sunday night. My sister and I, joined my friend from the night before, and his friend, went out to dinner. And started giving me heck aaout my ex. Well I was tired and annoyed. And already ticked off, about what the ex and I were fighting about a few days before.
I do feel bad for cheating, but it made me realize, right now I dont need to be with him. I am not sure if I still love the ex, or if I ever was in love with him. I miss him when I look at pictures, and when I think about the good times we had. He didnt deserve to be cheated on, and I shouldnt have done that. He over all treated me fairly. But like we both agreed on, we were just comfortable, and in some cases it was good. but in our case it was just hurting us more.
I hope he finds happiness in his life, and all his dreams come true.
I however feel that I have alot to accomplish as far as my life goes.
I need to get into college, and support myself 100% and move forward. I am not speaking up getting married and having kids. I am no where near ready for that. I need to get a degree first, and be financially stable in my life, before I should commit to anyone.
I do however want to "date" the old friend. We dated when I was 19 and he was 27. To back up I saw him again last night. Him and I ended up sleeping together, and having a fun time. Now casual sex, I believe is something I should stay away from. Especially if I want a future with this guy 6-9 months down the road.
I feel at 23 I am not mature enough nor willing enough to give up my freedom to another person again. (BE IN A RELARIONSHIP) now this doesnt speak of sleeping around with guys, or playing with another's emotions.
I at this moment in time, have my best friend ex husband interested in dating me. I havent told him no yet. Which I should, but to be frank I like the attention. Because I havent had that attention in so long. But I am going to have a talk with him this weekend, and just tell him its way to werid for me. And for those who are wondering, I have told my best friend of the situation, and she told me to go ahead with it. I for one could not hide something from her. If I were a lesbian her and I would be the perfect couple
Now life as I know should be fun and interesting over the next year or so. Of re-discovering myself, and trying not to do it at the expense of others.
I know in some of the above statements, I sound like a heartless witch, for cheating on my ex. Which you know if it were someone else I would probably say the same thing about. So I am in the wrong for doing it. BUt I believe all things happen for a reason. I believe that him and I if meant to be together it would later on in life.
I however, have to get back to work for now. BUt will write more later.
Thanks for reading, and please leave comments good or bad....
