1Cor13

I think we both still need counciling but we starting to head in the right direction. I like your thoughts and we will take them to heart. PS I use to be a Pagan too (FYI)

I spent hours soul searching yesterday trying to understand what it was that I was most angry with a discovered that it is the betrayal. I thought about it closer I examined myself and I realized that we need to setup environment of honesty we need to be able to discuss openly our desires and agree to listen with open mind with the understanding that not all ideas are acceptable. I have been a sexual prude I use to enjoy sex of all types mongomious but all types. Nothing held me back until somehow i got convinced it was wrong. locke2121 what you discribed is correct i would not like that nor could i ever go there. Even knowing about the hook-up would not be a way of life for me. SO I sent her this letter: My Wife Your letter has made me come to a few conclusions: Your having to die to self in order to fullfill what you think I want, you are thankful I let you live with me, and you don’t think you can give me what I deserve. Today I open my heart and soul to you and you basically said that you no longer have those kind of feelings that I killed them along time ago and for that I am truly sorry. Plus this morning you were talking as if you planed to live as my servant wife with no desires or dreams of her own you basically describe a non-emotional relationship. I can come to only two conclusions I either need to expand the rules to this relationship to include some open relationship stuff or I have to worry for the rest of my life because of your sacrifice and possible resentment it may casue. You said how can I Love you if I don’t know you, it because I know who you really are, I admit there has been some changes in you some good and some bad but the core you is still the same. I hate to see you kill the positive changes, just to become the shell of what you use to be, see I love the creative sexual being you have become, I like that your self-esteem and self worth was strong. You don’t need 3 dates a week to be special; you don’t need to this type of thrill seeking to be who you are. Why have you have tied your self worth to this world it is not you never has been. This world promotes pain, pain to the people who they cheat on and are not honest to, it is a bed of risk and danger due to the secrets and self indulgent nature of the acts taken place. There are others worlds that promote sexual experimentation without the deceit and dangers; there is a world were lovers can tread together as lovers and still respect each other. See the difference is one world is about self the other is love and joint exploration of each others needs and with respect to other partner’s feelings. It doesn’t have to consist of swinging or extra partners but it can. It can be anything a couple wants it to be and that what makes it a possible option. I am not asking you change yourself just your perception of what is possible for us. I value you, I respect you, I want you for you the person I know you are. Tonight I would like to open discuss what is that us as a couple needs to heal, and how we would like our sex life to be. I don’t expect this to be end all be all conversation but I think it is the positive step we both have been searching for. We need to both be honest about what is we desire and what we willing to do. Compromises are allowed, but No surrenders, no killing of selves, no arguments, just a good conversation on how we want to and can do to make other happy. And pure honesty is a must, nothing is off the table but it must be a joint decision in the end. Love your Husband The conversation had a possitive effect for some reason I feel a calm over me. I came to the table ready to discuss anything and ready for tell me she wanted extra partners. With that in mind I had a set rules in my head the conversation went well, not everything was discussed but the openess to discuss was achieved. We determined that we would rather just be with each other and explore the pleasure available to us.

Thank you, I don't know what I am going to do yet except pounder your words for a few days and I know i sound foolish but it is hard to give up on the woman I use to know. I pray daily for god to show me the way to change her heart if she will let him.

"Do you want your kids to live in an environment of suspicion, lies and infidelity?" No "You said you would be willing to go to her world...are you? I can almost guarantee that you won't like it. Strange men hooking up with her. Her not coming home at night because she's "Staying at a friends". Is that the world you want?" No!

A Copy of her last letter may explain my confusions " Rob In the last 24 hours much has happened. You want the key to unlock my house of feelings. Ihope this letter holds the key. I ahve told you all along that i couldn't be what you needed, wanted, and dedeserved. I told you not to ask questions or be nosey unless you were prepared for good or bad. You wanted to read that email today, you instisted then you were furious because of it. Had I hid it, it would have spared your feelings. In the last 4 wks I have been fighting my own emotional battles, some I have won, some i lost. I didn't share them dispite your constant pushing of me to, becuase I knew you were having your own battles and i not only didn't want to add to them or think you could handle them but I didn't after all we had gone through that it was fair to you. I miss John, and his name, and thoughts of things he used to say or do pop into my head at the least expected or wanted time. I ahve absolutely no control of when or where it occurs, so although you cant seem to understand, leaving the past isn't all that easy. The reason I looked so sad this morning is because by keeping my chating friends and keeping it clean I could handle my chioces of the new life much easier, and it seemed for your sanity I should shun it all of it. I just wasn't prepared for what it would do to my sanity and feelings. I have died to self so many times lately and have been doing what was right what I was suppose to do. I thought I was dooing well, I wanted to Stay Home with Alex, to make this house a home and i was happy with my decision. I was happy I made the choice to be with you. Yet Today I have Truly Given it all up and I again am a different person. Somehow I keep changing. I thought I had Learned alot and grown but I guess not. I will stop defending or making excuses for what I have done as there is no point in doing so. I am sorry for hurting and betraying you. I do want to say one more thing. I never ask you to trust me, love me, forgive me. Because you loved me you wanted to do those things and then when I feel off place you put me you became furious with me. I am sorry I failed you, but i never said I could do what you asked, I only said I love you Heart, mind, and soul and that I wanted to be with you. I wish I could promise you that I will never fail you again but i cant becuase I am human and becuase I am facing battles and will always have battles, that I must fight on my own. You say you love me, but I dont think you Know who I am, So how can you love what you do not know. I dont know the answer to that although I wish I did. You a better person than me and I am humbled and grateful you are alowing the girls and i to remain a part of your life as I know we don't deserve the new you. I must fight the depression I am now in Maybe I will Start the prozac again to get me out of this funk. I detest the hold it has on me and how it comes and goes from my life. I am going to force myself to shower, pedicure my feet and setermine what is for supper. Just know that I am trying, will always be trying, always want to try to be what you want, need and deserve. Signed my wife" Worse part is she make sounds like i want a subdued wife, and that it all my fault.... I'be quite and ask your oppion.

I understand what you are saying and have felt the same at first but I have to wonder if i have given it my all yet. We have Children and I want to be sure before taking such a finail action that I have given this relationship a chance. I do believe that what we had is worth saving but the question that remains is do we have it anymore or can we get it back. I can't answer that yet she seems as if she serious about working on this now but she is having troubles. It is almost as if she is fighting a addiction. I will ponder your words for sometime and would like to thank you for your input.

This is a long story, is starts that a month ago when my wife can to me seeking a divorce. She advised me she was going to leave me for another man, and that she had been having Hook-Up Relationships for the last year and half. She would advertise on AFF and Plenty of Fish and ALT, and meet men, women, and couples. While I was on the road working as of recent we have been working on our relationship After I told her i could forgive her but she would have to go on the road with me. Since then I found text messages between her and this other man she was going to leave me for they were working on hook-up plans. Even though nothing happened I confronter her again and told this would be the last betrayal I could stand and took her alternate phone and demand all her passwords. Since then see has told me that I could not understand the new person she had become, that she would try to die to self and go back to being the woman she was when i meet her. She was a Christian women with high morals and the woman who brought me to find my salvation, she was my closest and dearest friend, the only person i could see myself with anymore. Now she struggles, and is trying but won't let me help her. She says that she doesn't want to hurt me any further but she can not make any promises but she loves me heart and soul and wants to spend the rest of our life together . At one point she was hoping that i could jion her in this world after we heal our pains and I almost started to go that way thinking I would be able to control the situation better if i was there who know maybe even like it. Now i know that to join her is only to risk everything including myself. As of late I have been unable to eat right, my work is suffering my sex life is filled with the desire to show her i can be her dream man. I have become a snoop and now feel like i must monitor her moves, it not that I don’t trust that she is trying it that i cant leave the door open for betrayal. Am I wrong? It Hurts here and she is extremely angry over my lack of trust. Please help me