Hi
This is a really hard thing to put down in writing, and there seems no way to do it briefly but I'll give it a go.
I've been with my wife for 15 years, we got married two years ago. Our first child was born just over 4 years ago and our second is now 10 months old. The last 5 years have been tricky for both of us as w've had a lot of things to deal with. My first child has a rare genetic disorder. He has slight mobility and communication problems, the condition is so rare we really don't know what to expect and it has been more difficult than I think we realised to cope with it on an emotional and physical scale. He's a wonderful caring child and he himself has been our strenght getting through this. At around the same time as his birth I thought it would be a good idea to start my own business. My wife has a great career and earns good money so it seemed sensible at the time for her to be the main bread winner while I tried to get things off the ground and take care of the children around day care arrangements.
The goal was for me to become the bread winner and for my wife to help me with the business. Things didnt go according to plan, I spent my time struggling to get the business going and for a time it was going along the right tracks. After a few years I found it difficult to separate work and home issues as I was always under the same roof. Eventually it got to a situation where my wife would come home from work, while I get the dinner and kids sorted for bed - we would eventually sit and watch TV after a short while I would take myself off and sit in my office to escape. It became a classic rut, I would find it difficult to socialise until I was actually afraid to go out with the wife and children to things like school fete's. A few times my wife would come to talk to me and I wouldn't respond well. It wasn't like this all the time - just up and down but enough to slowly to damage.
Two months ago my wife went to the doctor for depression and was given anti-depressants. Just a few weeks in she came to me and asked for seperation. Her feeling had gone for me and she thought it was hopeless. It was at the time a devastating shock. I didn't see things going this way because of my own issues. It was enough to make me realise that I had to sort myself out, jack in the business and get things moving. We did agree to give it another shot and the next week was an amazing difference. We went out did things with the family and we really seemed to manage to sort things out quickly. I felt so much better and positive for our future and I thought my wife felt the same.
She didn't - and after a great evening with some friends she told me that she felt the same way and still wanted to separate. She decided that she would move back to her parents for a short time and give herself some space to think about it. Only two days past and she came back with the same feelings. The only thing she seemed to establish is that she couldn't live with her parents. She wanted me to get a full time job and start paying off the debts until we got to a situation where I could move out and they would stay in the house.
This happened only a few weeks ago now, but I'm in despair. Since that day she has completely switched off her emotions. She hasn't spoken to anyone including her parents. I'm told that I can stay even sleep in the same bed, until we can get on top of the situation. None of it makes any sense - and she comes in from work very late leaving me to deal with the children. Last weekend she just decided to go off to work all day Saturday. All very unusual behaviour for her. She seems so releaved and happy with her decision. I've asked to seek marriage guidance counselling for one last shot but she does not want to take it. I'm playing things so carefully, trying not to be too pushy and being as strong as I can for the kids if anything else but it's impossible. I miss her so much even though she's still here. To accept seperation feels like I'm betraying my wife and kids and I just can't do it. I know we can really make a go of things and I feel so positive we can make the difference but I can't do it alone. As time goes by I find myself trying to make sense of things. I ask myself is it the fact she depressed and taking medication? Without invalidating her reasons for wanting seperation. But after just a short time of being married and having another child I cant work out why she wouldnt at least want to try everything to make things work - so far we've tried nothing.
My doctor has suggested I seek personal counselling which I have arranged, and I've also arranged to see a marriage guidance counseller on my own. I just live in hope that one day my wife will decide to try one last lifeline.
Thanks for reading - it's helped just putting it in writing
