gibs

i'm going to assume you don't wine like this to your wife (i'm not being mean). Can I ask you which is more important to you: your feelings or your wife? You're in such a fragile state that you're letting the smallest of things make your heart drop to your knees and you begin to struggle to make someone do things your way. If I were you, I would push aside my feelings for the moment, because you don't have a marriage right now, you have a game, and feelings get in the way. Forget about your kids, if she's using them as pawns, consider how many pawns usually make it to checkmate, and then react to her pawns with your bishop: "I completely understand you're decision to stay home tonight and i'm not going to pressure you to go." then depeding on you're wife's reasons for not going, i'd restate those in a way that you agree with. Don't be misled at all: it is a game. A game in which she's playing off emotions, and as long as you can step back and see the whole picture, you have the upper hand.

Hi, I'm a little new at this, and i felt i should try to share what i mockingly describe as "my wisdom". There are exactly 0 similarities in our lifestyles, I'm a 21 year old engineering student who repairs and maintains combustion equipment for 9 dollars an hour. The only thing in common i can see is that how are wives are behaving. So, being at a time in my life where i'm trying to learn all that i can to better my life, i'm going to share some observations that have worked to better my relationship with my separated wife. as far as her nagging and complaining and even her attacking you (verbally), the best way to deal with it is to agree with her. If you claims you cheated on her with a 12 year old, agree. She's striving on conflict and liking the negative feelings she produces, so if you agree, she has looses some of what she's trying to become addicted to. If she loses all of her conflicting arguments because you agree with her, then she loses reasons to want conflict and has less negativitey within her. I mean, there's always some truth in whatever she's saying to you, no matter how wrong it is. She asks you to move out, you say "ok, i think that's a good idea. You're right i should move out." She says "you show more backbone at work" you say "yeah, you're right. I totally reacted to that situation wrong today, i should've stood up for myself more...." (and if you handle things like this right, then usually you can get her to switch sides of the conversation: restate the fault she's "found" and usually she will automatically jump to your defense "you were only trying to be polite" or something similar) If she's trying to be a butt about ownership, agree with her, but show backbone; do what she wouldn't expect you to do. Always be happy. Be satisfied with your situation or atleast make her believe that you are. Never show her the "inner-child" who's crying and lonely, use a forum. Don't talk about your issues (atleast until you're more stable). Good to know her issues with you, but don't talk about the issues as a couple. When you do this, you imply that you want her to change, and that tells her you want something completely different than her and that's going to put negative feelings in her, and she's going to express this with conflict. If you want her to change, change what you do, she'll have to react some how. Work toward her needs and you'll help yourself. And most of all, accept that you don't need her. Accept that she's just a preference to you and that life will go on without her. It sounds odd, but they never come back as long as you're working toward "fixing" the marriage, when you start to notice that you no longer feel you need her, she feels more "attracted" to you. Show her you're not hers forever and that you're happy with life. that's about all i have. Not very much i guess, but i hope something helps. If i'm completely wrong, feel free to call me a jacka__. goodluck to the both of us.