Alright... I'll try to make this long story as short as possible...
I was only with one man from the time I was thirteen, until I was seventeen... Problem was, he spent time with other people while he was with me. I loved him more than anyone or anything I had ever loved. I still do. And I know he loved me, he was just really screwed up. (He was abused as a child, among lots of other emotional issues) ...Any girl he ever dated (besides the ever-continuous dating of me) He broke up with, or they broke up with him within 6-months to a year, or less.
But anyway, last year he was dating someone who wanted him to stop talking to me. So he did. (And regretted it) ...I was heart broken and distraught, but I got through it. A couple months after the whole issue, I met a man that I found myself attracted to. We started dating, and within a couple months, moved in together. I was so happy... Until things changed. The man that I am presently dating just suddenly changed.
For the past two months, I have been working full time (forty hours a week), while attempting to get a part time job to fill in on my days off. (To pay the bills) He, on the other hand, barely gets 24 hours a week, and spends the rest of his time sleeping, playing video games/watching tv, or "wanting loving from me" ...Which, I understand, he's a guy. But he used to help me out with things, get up when I asked him to. Now he just whines about how messy our place is, how we have no money, and how much his job sucks.
Then, when I try to give suggestions on how to make things better, (like possibly getting his permit or license, since he can't drive.) he gives me all these excuses why he can't or won't, and yells at me for second guessing him... I broke up with him about a two weeks ago, for all these reasons... But he came back crying, and told me he needed me, that he'd change, that things would get better. So, I gave him one last chance.
And... He's better about being mean to me, but the job thing hasn't changed... He smokes pot about once a month or so, and is afraid that a job might "test" him... So that's his excuse now.
But the problem isn't just all this crap... The problem is, I don't think I love him anymore... Most of the time, I can't stand when he's near me, or touching me. I don't feel any love when we have sex anymore... I just feel disgusting, sick, and used. I can hardly stand to look at him. Am I just going through a phase? Will this get better? Should I just break it off now? I care about him, a lot. I don't want to see him hurt, or hurt him... But I can't fight this sick feeling in my stomach... There's this part of me that almost hates him too.
Any advice? I'm sorry for the long post, I just wanted everyone to get an idea of where I was coming from... Thank you for anyone who reads this, and posts.
(By the way, my man is 26. I am 18.)
