Deviltou67

Ok with those words it makes me think that my wife has questioned a lots of things that i have done, and me being so week and not telling her i just came up with an excuse, i feel that she knows that i am lying but she does not want to except it, at times i wish she would catch me and my lover together to make it easier but, i donot know.all i know is when i am with my lover i all i think of is her and being with her 24/7 and she to me, when i am not with her i have a feeling of emptiness like a hunger pain, every day i call her a we talk for a ages, i love her voice i love her touch. i have never felt this way before, even at night when i am in bed i roll over to touch her and she is not there, i sound horrible that i think when i touch my wife when i roll over i quickly realise that i am not with my lover. When i go home at night all i think of is my lover. god i miss her that much, but i just talk to my wife as nothing is wrong, i have never been like that with her, but it just happens that way.

mmmm i am not sure what to do, i know that i have to do something but the thing is that i donot want her to suffer, i know know that i have done a terrible thing to her but i know if i tell her the pain i will cause her would be unbearable for her. She still asks me if i love her and i honestly do but how can i tell her that i am not inlove with her like i was and i need to leave her. God this is hard, it is hard for me but i know it will be even harder for my wife.

I would love to have the strength to tell her, but iknow the emotional stress that she would have, at one time she thought i was going to tell her that i was leaving and she nearly feel to her knees, i told her that i love her with all my sole, she has always said if i am not happy that its ok if i leave but god i am not sure if she would cope. and this emotional pushing and pulling is very painful.

I keep feeling that i want to change my life even if i am alone, i have developed a liking of being and having my own space, but i keep thinking, my wife always sees well into the future and makes things look like its always the right thing to do, but on the other hand i feel i want to be free!

I am nearly 40yrs old and have been Married for 20yrs, we have 3 beautiful girls who are 18yrs,16yrsand 14yrs old. Over the last 17yrs i have worked away and my wife has gone through lots of demanding pressures from bringing up the children, I have worked a week away and a week at home for all this time. We met when we were 15yrs old and Married at 19yrs old. We quickly feel in love and pushed forward with our life very quickly, as a youg lad i new it was a good move as i seemed very clear and My wife new how to make it seem so clear for me. Ever since we were married i have been commited to us and looked forward to retiring as a old couple with our grandkids. But i have always been attracted to other women and every attempted to find someone else. Last year i met a girl from work she is 9years younger than me and striaght away i wanted to meet her, the word around was she was very friendly. We met and started to met on a regular basis after about 3mths of meeting her we started to develope a relationship and could not be appart. At first it was a play thing but know we hate being apart, i get this hollow feeling when i am not with her and she with me, when we are together we can just lay on the couch and hold each other for hrs and talk about every thing. I have never felt like this before, is this love i know that i want to be with her every minute of the day, god when we are asleep together we have to touch each other and the feeling of being complete comes over us. The thing is that my wife and i are great friends and we do love each other but i donot have the same feelings as i do for my lover. I want to leave my wife but i could not see her in pain, but it is tearing me apart that i am liing to her. I have manny more mixed feeling of how to be with my lover and not hurt my wife. And i have many feeling rushing through my head? I donot know how to move forward on this, I know that i would run away with my lover now but the pain that would cause would be unbarable.