pissedandsad

No, my affair was 2 years ago Jan.-May 2005 (We mutually cut off all contact) and her's was November 2006 for one-time sex with email's for 2 weeks til I found out.

sorry about the language, it just gets me angry every time i think or talk about it

Wife and I have been married for over 6 years, together for 9 with 2 beautiful girls. 2 years ago during wife's pregnancy and after birth of our daughter I was having an affair with a woman for about 3 months, told the woman I would never leave my wife but she was unhappily married and we connected. Went to dinner, slept over at her house one night, went to her home and there, almost always involved us drinking and having sex. My wife doesn't know about the affair but suspected something was happening. Over past 2 years I was smoking pot daily (no sex drive and gained weight) and playing poker online religiously up until December. I found out my wife's email account password and found very descriptive sexual emails to one of her customer's (she is a business owner) about wanting to him, suck him, etc... they had sex in mid-November. When confronted she just kept saying "what are you talking about" until I pulled out the emails and showed her my proof of the affair. Have put all the timing together with cell phone and she only had sex with him once but was planning on doing it again before I busted her. My wife had tried to talk to me about how miserable she was and I ignored her, not saying affair was my fault but having one myself for being miserable I understand how it happened. He is also married and told her how miserable his wife made him and my wife told him about my poker playing, etc... and he then started to pursue her, she allowed herself to be pursued but this married man with 2 kids came after my wife once he thought he had a chance with her. I am having a very difficult time getting over the affair especially after reading emails the images of my wife with another man will not go away. I do want to get over this and regain the love and respect we both had for one another. I have quit playing online poker and smoking pot, for us but more for my children because children imitate their parents and I want my girls to have a better life than I did and don't want to start them off with bad examples. My wife has expressed she is very sorry for what she did and even signed an agreement (call it a post-nuptial) stating if this happens again she gets very little of our assets and cannot file for sole custody of our kids, also added if she even contacts this guy I can enforce agreement, I signed same agreement stating no affairs. I am having a real hard time accepting the fact of the affair and I know this is hypocritical of me but if I had not had an affair I would have absolutely been out the door that day but understanding of how they happen has made me want to forgive but how do you FORGET and get over it. I am sure there will be the usual answers of hypocrisy, and I even tell myself daily "karma is a " but I need real answers about how to move on after this. We are in counseling and started going to church as well. I love my wife dearly and want to get past this but I keep bringing it up and calling her names like and I promised her the other day I would quit doing that and have until yesterday. When I told her I couldn't get over it and we had to get a divorce she begged and pleaded with me to give us a chance, she and I deserve that chance and I really want to get back to where we were. But can we? I know they say once a cheater always a cheater but I know from my perspective I made a mistake and will never do it again so shouldn't she get the same consideration. I also want to tell this lying cheating piece of wife about his affair with my wife. I know if it was me I would want to know but should I tell his wife or even make my wife tell his wife? would like to know similar situation people's views on telling the other spouse. Thanks for your help with this.