Hi folks,
I have been with my partner for 6 years now, engaged for 1 year and due to be getting married in sept.
the thing is 2 years ago i realised i had quite strong feelings for a guy we knew, at the time i went through hell and thought about what it would be like to be with this person, both sexually and in a relationship and wondered if was worth throwing away my existing relationship for this other guy and even thought if I was capable of just having a sexual relationship with him.
anyway i decided that i wanted to stay with my current partner and i was just going to try and be good friends with this other guy which was probably a really bad idea anyway but I found myself chatting to him alot on msn, texting him, and asking him to come out with my partner and our friends in social situations quite a lot - he probably ended up knowing how I felt anyway because of how much i texted him etc.
anyway then realised he was an idiot and didnt hear from him till a few months later when i talked to him on msn again and it started to make me question my relationship again slightly. this didnt last very long though and it made me realise how much i did love my current partner and we went on to get engaged etc.
the other thing is i told a mutual friend of ours my feelings as at the time i was seriously thinking about killing myself as i just wanted the feelings to go away.
i have told my fiance recently that i felt like this but not the extent of it, he thinks i had a crush on this guy but knew i chatted to him, texted, flirted a bit etc but i am feeling so guilty and depressed right now i dont know what to do - i dont want to lose him but i feel like harming myself at the moment, i also suffer from paranoia and ocd which doesnt help anything and im sure has made the situation worse.
should i leave him? i really cant imagine not being with this guy or should i tell him absolutely everything so he can make up his mind about me. he did say though that nothing i could do could make him change his mind about me.
