Retiring Army Guy

Beec, Thanks, I've already tried lots of things but your approach makes great sense. I'll give a shot in small doses to start with and get comfortable then make the big move. At this point, I'm good staying or leaving. Certainly feel it's better for my sons to try everything to stay and work things out first. Frankly don't think the wife knows what she wants. She lets herself be guided by pure emotion - so your method should offer some promising results. Goodness knows reason and logic have had no effect. Thanks

Again, thanks all for your comments. SuperDave you really hit the mark - unfortunately I've gotten that squishy, maybe sometime in the future (like up to 5 years), I'll be willing to work on it response many times now. I'm okay with waiting until the boys finish school this year for her final answer and I have the ability to schedule a good bit of travel with my work so it should be manageable. I took control of all financial accounts and put on a budget so I think I'm covered there as well. So my way ahead is to continue reading, act cordial, enjoy my kids and my freedom and see what her decision will be. If I'm missing something or making a mistake, please let me know.

She's not seeing anyone or being financially draining. I think it's more about what we each bring to the relationship. She used to bring love, compassion, understanding, caring, etc... and now she does not so things seem wildly out of balance.

Divorce still seems like the easy out even though it may ultimately be unaviodable. I did see a counselor myself for about 3 months after her initial bombshell. I read a couple of Dr. Phil's books and spent a lot of evenings at the book store after the kid's went to bed. I just got "How one of you can bring the two of you together" by Susan Page. Since my last post I told my wife I would give her until July when the kids are out of school for the summer to make her mind up to work on our relationship or not. I've had an interest in Chinese Astrology (unfortunately began after we married) and found the 2 of us are not very compatible. The other day I found this article on the web that describes my wife's Chinese zodiac What Is A Fire Horse? Although I'm not a believer in astrology, I'm more than willing to admit that it's fun. No matter your opinion on the topic, you probably also know your birth sign, at least according to the western paradigm. You know, Capricorn, Pisces, Libra, that sort of thing. Some people also know their birth sign in Chinese astrology -- mine is a horse. Others are dogs, goats, tiger, dragons, and other animals. What you may not know is that there are special personalities associated with each of the signs. 1966 was a Horse year, and it was a special kind of horse -- a Fire Horse, called "hinoeuma" in Japanese. (The Chinese astrological system is also in use in Japan and Korea as well, although each country puts a slightly different spin on it.) Japanese women who were born that year (and the previous Fire Horse year, 1906) battle superstitions about themselves all the time. Fire Horse women are called dangerous, headstrong, and are seen as deadly to men. This may sound quaint to western ears, but the 1906 Japanese herd was subjected to poverty and starvation because they could not marry. The 1966 herd has it a bit easier, but they still fight superstitions. Chinese tradition also sees the Fire Horse as a special sign entailing either spectacular good luck, or terrible bad luck; they consider that nothing about the Fire Horse occurs in moderation. However, I've never heard of any particular problem encountered by Fire Horses in China, much less Fire Horse women. The part about "seen as deadly to men" really got me. I shared this with my wife in attempt to show her that her personality may be a larger part of the problem. I think it may have had an impact. Thanks again for the advice and Happy Holidays all. I'm letting myself be absorbed in my boy's happiness this week.

Hi! My wife told me in June that she no longer loved me and that our marriage was over. She has been depressed and unhappy for many years. She was always a very, very needy persons and my inability to meet all her needs is what she says has caused her unhappiness. She has been hesitant to file for divorce or separation since her announcement which I initially took as a good sign. We have 2 boys age 5 and 8. I have consistently asked her to see a counselor and/or work on our relationship, which she refuses. Now she tells me that she wants to "just live together" - no love, no sex. I just bring home the money and let her do whatever she wants. She says it is for the kid's sake. She gives some vague illusions that she may eventually decide to work on rekindling our love (like in 5 yars) but I feel like she is just trying to string me along. We've been married 20 years - just had our anniversary yesterday. She wouldn't even give me a kiss on the cheek and seems repulsed by me. Think it's time for me to move out but hate the impact it will have on the kids. Any advice on coping with living in a loveless, sexless marraige. I think we both deserve more. How or can I convince her to join the team and come in for the big win? Thanks for any advice you can offer...