Firefly

Thanks for the replies. The card I have is a small card with nothing written inside. I purposefully got this so I could write my own message inside... I'm thinking along the lines of "Thanks for the wonderful time I'm having with you at the moment. Happy Valentines Day". Then signed off. How would that be?

Ok, so I've been seeing a girl now for 6 weeks, we're starting to get serious but still not in an exclusive relationship (heading towards this though). I'm taking her out for dinner Valentines Day and have a card and small gift for her. I really want to write her a nice personal message in the card to let her know I think she's great and I am having a great time with her at the moment. Can you guys offer any suggestions about how I should word such a message without sounding too cheesy or full-on but still being sincere and genuine... I'm really not good at expressing myself this way and could do with some help Thanks...

Aurian, thanks for the reply. Thinking about it, the mailbox idea is great. Would be a nice surprise for him if he's not expecting it. Maybe get in touch with him soon after you expect that he's found it too.

Hi Aurian, maybe we can help each other out as we are on opposite sides of the same dilema... I would prefer a funny type Valentines card with a personal message from her inside. Nothing serious, but personal none the less. A small box of chocolates would be great also, although I would prefer to be given it rather than left inside a mailbox - but I can see how leaving it somewhere would be a great surprise and this depends on the person. I think what you have suggested is perfect for the situation, nothing too heavy, but showing that you care enough and think of them. So let me ask, what would you like to happen on his part? I'm thinking of picking her up and giving her a small gift and a card with a message inside, followed by a meal at a restaurant. Again nothing too heavy but that I'm interested enough. How does this sound? Would a small cuddly toy (i know she like cuddly toys) as a gift be appropriate or pathetic?

Hi guys, I've been seeing a girl for around 5 weeks now. We've been going out 1 or 2 times per week and really hit it off. The thing is, Valentines Day is coming up and I don't really know what to do about this in relation to her. We are not exclusively dating, just at the "seeing each other" stage. I think this may move forward soon though. Should I take her out on a date on this special day or are we too early in the realtionship to make such a big deal? Should I buy her a gift? And how "big" should this gift be? I want to let her know she is important to me and make her feel special, but at the same time I don't want to come on too strong and scare her off... Any advice on what I should do would be awesome. Thanks. Firefly.

Hi Ellie, thanks, christmas has been great! I totally agree with you about being direct and the grey areas. I'm going to ask her on Thursday. I'll ask her if he is bothered by her spending time with me, then I'll ask her how serious the relationship with him is and whether it's still casual or going steady. If she says it's casual, I'll ask her out on a "proper date". If she says it's going steady, then maybe I'll make a comment as to how I'm bummed I missed my chance, and leave it at that. I have asked her how serious they are before and she replied "depends on the definition of serious". What did she mean by this? If it was serious she would have said so, right? If she says this again maybe I can ask whether it's casual seeing each other or exclusively going out...

Ellie, thanks for taking time to offer advice. I can see you are warning me that I could get hurt further down the line if I try to pursue this and she behaves the same way... but I need to know where I stand and have decided (as you and others suggest) that I'm going to ask her directly. We are going to visit the local market on Thursday and then for drinks afterwards. I'm going to ask her then. Can you give me some advice on how I should approach this as I'm really clueless and don't want to do it in a completely inappropriate way? I'm thinking of asking her whether her "boyfriend" cares that she is spending time alone with me, and then asking her what the deal is with them. Is this a good approach? Should I ask her how serious they are or should I ask her if they are dating exclusively? Should I ask her whether she sees me a more than just friends? Any help would be great...

We're both 26. Thanks Ellie, the reason why I believe she is still hanging on to this guy is because she felt lonely about not having a guy in her life and had difficulty in meeting a guy in the first place - she turned to online dating to meet a guy as she was having no luck. I think she isn't sure whether I'm actually interested in being more than friends, so she is holding onto this other guy so she has someone, in the event that I never ask her out. Have a look here as to the signs I'm reading into: There is a lot of background info in the thread mentioned above - I'm really just looking for advice on how to find out the situation between them - so that I can then decide whether to leave it alone or whether to ask her out. She never told me about this guy until it slipped up in conversation - why would she not tell me about him when she openly talks about her close friends a lot? This girl makes a lot of effort to spend time with me. And we have spent time alone the past few weekends and she made me promise her a night out (just us 2) in the new year - I suggested a meal and drinks at a bar - to which she agreed immediately. Other people have commented on how she likes me, long before I realised the signs. Syrix - thanks for the advice - I know that sounds dumb which is why I'm looking for advice on the best way to find out what the deal between them is?

I totally agree about stealing someone from a relationship - but I don't think this particular situation is as clear cut as that... The background to this is in another thread of mine if you are interested. This is here: Heres another bit of information that may (or may not) show that she is into me. She is away for a week over christmas but is back for 1 day in between -she suggested we meet up for a drink - now why wouldn't she want to spend this day with the guy she is seeing? It is possible to be with someone for a bit of fun at the time, and without seeing the person as a long term partner (i.e. a short term fling). I have done this in the past and moved on when someone I'd like to be more serious with came along. This is the thing - I want to find out how "committed" to him she actually is, because I feel (and have been told by others) that she isn't that serious about him. If I asked her how serious she was with this guy and she said "yes its serious and I see this going somewhere" then I would leave it at that and move on. However, if she told me "its just a bit of fun" then I would ask her out. I have asked her in the past briefly as to how serious it was and she replied "depends on the definition of serious". If it was serious or "going steady" then I guess she would have told me straight out... What I'd like some advice on is how I go about finding out how serious they actually are together...? How would I word my questions?

Hi guys, I'm looking for some advice following on from my recent thread about a girl who likes me but has a boyfriend. In a nutshell - I like her, she likes me, but she has been seeing a guy for about 3 months. I have been told that she is just with this guy for some fun and is actually waiting for me to make a move and ask her out... this is a mutual friends opinion. I've decided that I need to find out about how serious she is with this guy and if I get a positive reply I will then ask her out. Anyway, I've no idea how to approach this? Does anyone have any advice as to how I will go about asking her how serious the relationship is with her "boyfriend"? And how I could interpret the possibilities of her reply? Many thanks.

I don't believe she is full of it. In fact I would say she has problems with low self-esteem (not all of the time). I think she genuinely likes me - others have said this is very obvious. I'm not worried about the work relationship - we actually work in different departments, we just see each other around the building a couple times a day and chat via email and text. I am almost blown away by her - I think about her a lot and am basically frustrated at the situation. I like her, she likes me, but she's seeing someone else... I'm just trying to figure out if she is still waiting for me to make a move and would ditch the other guy if I did. The only way I could let it go is if she said "yes I'm very serious about this guy I'm seeing" or if she told me she was just interested in being friends with me. Whilst there is a doubt in my mind as to her intentions with me and the other guy I can't let it go. This is why I'm trying to read into her behavior about spending time alone with me. Thanks for the help.

Just to clear up the situation, I am the "other" guy she has been spending time with. Now I'm not malicous enough to steal her from another relationship (if it's serious) but I feel she is just "making do" with the guy she is currently with, and that she also likes me. Heres the full story, please take the time to read as I'm tearing my hair out and the internet is my only source of advice: 1. We are work colleagues, been friendly from 4 months, not close but have a talk/laugh together. We chatted maybe once a day and had been out for after work social gatherings. 2. Early on she was attracted to me dropping subtle hints that I completely missed. Damn! I know for a fact that had I asked at this point, she would have jumped at the chance. 3. We become a bit more friendly and she stepped up her hints which I did notice. Other people also informed me that she fancied me. 4. A month ago, I was planning on asking her out (she didn't know this) but before I had the chance she mentioned she had been "sorta seeing" someone for a couple months (met via online dating) and they had been meeting once a week. She had hidden this from me (she talked openly about her other close friends) and seemed uneasy telling me about him. This wasn't a confession out of the blue, we were talking about relationships in general. This information stopped me asking her out. 5. Since then we have spent a day together for each of the last few weekends alone. She has even suggested herself that we do things like this again. I still feel she is attracted to me. She has continued to see this guy and now she is seeing him more often than once a week. But she really enjoys her time with me and has told me so, and I know she finds me attractive. 6. I asked her if she would like a night out (didn;t mention "date") for a meal and drinks in the New Year, she agreed immediately and looked pleased. She has never said no when I suggested we do things alone together. I have also been informed that she was lonely prior to meeting this guy, and was looking for male attention. She has never called him her boyfriend to me, but her friends (not work friends) have referred to him as her boyfriend. I have asked her if it is getting serious between them and she replied "depends on the definition of serious"... She has recently called me "sexy" whilst drunk then got embarrassed about it. But on the downside she invited me to meet her with her friends on night, whilst this guy she is seeing was there also... My thinking behind still pursuing this girl is that she is "making do" with this guy. I want to still ask her out but don;t want to ruin being friends with her. What do you think looking at the bigger picture?

Hi, I'm hoping some ladies can give me some insight as to what they think about this. Anyway here goes... When you are with someone, in the early stages of the relationship (say 3 months), are you still on the lookout for a better guy and open to dating someone else if another guy you like asks you out? Also, in the same situation as above, would you spend time alone regularly with another guy? For example, would you go on a night out (meal and drinks at a bar) alone with another guy whilst you were dating someone else, and would you spend a day at the weekend with another guy regularly? Assuming that the other guy is a friend but not a long-term/close friend, just someone you know to talk to. I'm wondering if this is normal for a woman to do this whilst being in a relationship - or whether she is still on the lookout for something better? Thanks for any replies. I'd also appreciate guys points of view on this too. Firefly.

Cheers, I found out she has been "casually" seeing someone. I don't think it's serious yet - but I do still think she definitely likes me. My feelings on this from things she says and things other people have said, is that she was feeling quite lonely and not getting much male attention, and maybe she is just with this guy casually for some male company. Does this sounds plausible? (If only I'd realised my feelings sooner and taken the chance eh..) I think the next time we hang out I'm going to ask her how serious she is about this other guy, and depending on her reply I'm going to ask her out on a "proper date". Any other suggestions on this?

Thanks for the replies. So the concensus is that I should make a move next time we go out. And that it doesn't matter whether I explicitly use the word "date" as they are the same thing anyway. She emailed me again saying we should hang out again soon. I know she likes me (others have also pointed this out) and I feel she is waiting for me to take it forward. I'm going to take her for out in town centre, then for a meal, and then to a bar afterwards. So I should just try and kiss her next time we go out?

Hi, I'm looking for some advice. I've been getting close to girl I know for a few months now. It seems to grow better the more time we spend with each other. Recently we have been hanging out alone and had a good time. We've never been on a "date" but have been hanging out together. I like this girl as more than friends. I know for sure that she likes me as she enjoys spending time with me and has fun with me. I also know she is physically attracted to me. How do I go about becoming "more than friends" with this girl? Do I ask her on a "date" instead of just arranging to meet up? Do I try to kiss her? Do I tell her how I feel? Any advice would be great, thanks. We are both 26 years old.