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so how did the dinner go? did your kids go with you or did you go alone?

he's not ready to commit exclusively to you or he may be one of those who never can...my husnad of 15 years has cheated twice and if i had known b/f we got married that he was going to do this, i would have never married him! we have 2 great kids and we are working on restoring our marriage yet again b/c i am determined to raise the kids together if we can...

i would confront him and not let him guilt you into anything! he is the one who has cheated! and then i would leave him and not look back...you deserve better and better is out there!

wow...i have been thru exactly what you are describing...my husabnd was caught in his affair...the other woman's husband called me to tell me about it and then i confronted him...that is when he finally stopped denying it!

that was back in the summer of 05....fast forward to now...we decided to try to make it work and he moved back in jan 06...he started having confusion after about a 3 months back home...he confessed he still had feelings for her. so we hit counseling hard adn he tried to address why...they basically go thru a withdrawal period b/c the feelings of the affair was like an addiction...they have to get over that excitement (not reality) and come back down to the real world...

this is easier said than done for them...they created a bind with another person...it is like a death...a loss of a relationship...there is a good website someone else on this site reccomended:

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check it out...lots of info...the bottom line is that she needs to stay away and have NC with his other man. this site says that once they see each other or talk to each other, the process of withdrawal starts all over for them.

there is a good book called not "just friends" by shirley glass that i have recommended to several on this site...i think it would be a good read for you too if you have the time.

with all that said...my husband said that he is suppposedly over her totally now and committed to me and our family but it took over a year for him to get to this point...it is such a long and hard road to travel...and don't forget to give yourself time to forgive....it will happen gradually as she proves herself by her actions (and her feeling fade for him) ...you can't will forgiveness and trust back onto yourself...i'm still working thru that stuff...

read that webiste and grab that book if you can....good luck!

i know you can get thru this if you both want to....i know it sounds like i get a kick back from selling this book...but it is so informative about how the line of friendship and then intimacy is so easily crossed without the parties even knowing before a bond is made...it also talks about the feelings of all 3 parties (yes even the other woman/man) and how to deal with them...good luck to you!

did you ever get the book not "just friends" by shirley glass? it is so good and explains about finding friendship outside the marriage with the opposite sex and how it is dangerous and what is healthy and not healthy....i really think it would help you put it into perspective and your feelings about the whole situation. please check your library for it...mine had it!

there is a website that was referenced here before:

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this will tell your how to end y our affair or at least this man's opinion...i think it is a useful website...check it out and good luck!

you know in your heart of hearts she had a fling with this guy. she just won't admit it until you have 100% proof...my husband was like that too with his affair!

i think you are doing the right thing by moving out and giving yourself some time to think about it. i feel for your soon too! divorce is hard on kids but since he is so young he probably will adjust better, if you go thru with it.

oh and did you ever get that book i mentioned before, not "just friends"? you should get a copy and give it to your wife...and tell her you know all about her game! it is such a good book! good luck!

sounds like he was interested in another woman himself when he walked out...guys just don't say they don't love you but especially their own child....but at amy rate i agree with doyathink...both parties have violated the trust issue and it will take counseling and time to show each other you can be trusted again thru your actions not your words! time is the answer...i'm in an issue about restoring trust and i wish i could will it upon myself but with each day it is getting better...good luck!

i am glad that you are doing well and working things out.....just be aware that emotions can come out of nowhere and that is okay...you just have to deal with them (her too!) and not bottle them up....i have been thru this too! and we have so far been able to salvage our marriage! good luck to you!

this is so true...it will wax and wane but there does need to be a little excitement consistently throughout the marriage...otherwise someone will get bored and be attracted to something else eventually...

passion and physical attraction can be interpretted in so many different ways though...having a hobby you do together can spark a mutual passion for something...doesn't all have to be about sex...and physical can be hugs or touches...not all about intercourse. every couple is unique but something needs to hold them together....more so than "just the kids"...that's my 2 cents worth.

this may have been brought up in the earlier pages...just too many to read at the moment....but what if she said fine....if you want to explore other women, then i'm gonna explore other men...how would you feel about that?

my nephew is gay and came out in high school (very conservative one at that)....i think it was hard on him but also i think after he did, everyone began to accept him...he always had lots of friends (girls) around him. he is now at a univ. in a relationship and very happy with his life....i hope someday you can be who you wnat to be without the judgement of others...good luck and be true to yourself...i'd break it off with the girl if it is a lie...

he knew from a very young age too...that is why i think it is bs when people say you can change your oreintation...i think we are born being one way or another and nothing is wrong with either in my opinion!

okay...i just wrote this in another thread...go get not "just friends" by shirley glass and read it cover to cover...they are not "just friends"...this book is great...go get it from the library...good luck!...p.s.i've been in your shoes!

go get a book called not "just friends" by shirley glass....they are definitley more and you need to get into counseling asap...my husband had an emotional affair with a girl at work who poured her heart out about her bad marriage and it turned physical...they can't be "just friends"....the book explains a lot if you are interested in the dynamics of it all. good luck!

you are doing the right thing...you need support from friends and family so you can deal with this in a healthy manner and be able to be the best parent you can to your little girl....this is not going to be easy...but you WILL make it thru and come out better on the other side! do get legal advice when you return and get child support...and don't forget to go back to court after he gets his degree and ask for more! hang in there!

wow...you are really hurt...i can tell by your anger in your message...i hope that you continue to heal and move past this. it has got to be hard when you start to emotionally connect with someone during an affair b/c you can never really have all of them...you share them. you did the right thing by ending it! affairs are horrible...you are right about that...my husband did it to me and it really hurt. good luck to ya!

bestrongbehappy - well said! you are spot on about affairs!

go get a book called Not "Just Friends" by Shirley Glass and read it pronto!!!! you will find many answers...this is not good at all and you need to address it soon or things will just get worse....

they were setting themselves up for an emotional affair (when they start sharing things that they don't tell their spouses) and i bet if they had been in the same proximity physical would have eventually followed. there is a good book called not "just friends" that talks about all this...i think you are past it but if it ever surfaces again or you are curious about it grab it at your librarby...you did the right thing! good luck

yes....rabican said it well...it comes accross as very logical and practical...not emotional and sappy....to the point and i think she will get the mesage without it feeling like you are trying to hurt her...good luck!

my gut was right and i will never deny it again! my husband cheated with someone at work and always denied there was someone else when i thought there was...the husabnd of the other woman called me to confirm it in summer of 05 and then he confessed everything when he was caught...my first reaction was relief b/c i knew my gut had been right all along and i was not crazy! go with your gut and don't look back...you broke up and that is the right thing to do! with time you will stop trying to find answers about it all and move on...good luck

oh that is tough...i feel for you. counseling is the best thing for your mother. this is a big problem and she needs a safe place to work through things outside the family. you may want to see one too if this starts to be all consuming for you. good luck and come back here for support!

back to the issue of the money...would the ex would get to write off the entire amount of child support... i guess if he claims the child as the dependent on his taxes and if he makes more $ it is usually beneficial...then he will have a tax savings at his higher rate and should be able to pay her more....check with an attorney on these matters...will she get alimony? i know she will pay taxes on that and he would deduct it....but not sure about the child support...

i'll leavve out my 2 cents worth on all the issues about the child and the moving in together...i think you wouldn've asked us for our opinion on that if you wanted it....good luck.

you could wrap up a single silk rose and put it in her suitcase and then write something like the other 11 will be waiting for you when you get home...and then give her 11 real ones...i really like vandgsmom idea...and a silk rose in the suitcase put in a box might work...just don't wrap it in case security had to open her luggage and attach a note on the outside...i'd love it!

hey when you say it is forever...do you not think she would ever remarry...no more alimony if she does...

but regardless...it sounds as though it would be worth it...your happiness is "priceless"...glad you are finding your way to it!