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you are so right...no one wins in an affair situation...get out of your current realationship first...i'm your wife...i'm trying to trust again...but my husband's affair partner got divorced and moved onto another when he was crawlng back to me trying to rebuild here...i think that news killed him inside and i'm trying to figure out why i stay in this marriage when deep down i think he would've gone back to her if she hadn't moved onto a new boyfriend...i guess my kids...affairs just aren't worth the pain...but then again i didn't have the affair...he did...maybe deep down he thinks it was worth it....

for some reason my browser doesn't show all the posts until i post...i thought there was only one page so my advice above is really a bit late in the thread...

after reading it, it sounds like you are back on track and going to leave this other guy alone....glad you are in counseling and trying to figure your feelings out...but if you feel the need to be with another, do get out of your marriage first...

you said the chemistry was so powerful but really he isn't reciprocating that kind of chemistry with you if he is just calling at the last min to hang out...he doesn't even ask you how you are?...that is crappy.

my husaband of 14 years has cheated on me...so i'm coming from the other side...get out of the marriage first...that is what most of the people who are cheated on would want...yes, it will hurt but not as much as you breaking your vows and being unfaithful to him....think about it...affairs are so selfish...get out of the marriage first...good luck with it all.

get away as quickly as you can...i agree with everything friscodj said...

you can get over the intense short-term pain you will have by leaving him but avoid the long-term agony of a relationship with him if you try to work it out...he will destroy you with that kind of treatment if you stay with him...

you deserve so much better! you will find happiness and joy without him...you will! hang in there and good luck!

i am experienced on affairs and how partners can act...my husband of 14 years has cheated twice and oh those signs you are describing are so right on...something is going on for sure...they will deny it until you have 100% proof that anything is going on...i had the gut feeling too and denied it b/c he kept saying there was no one else...i will NEVER turn my back on my intuition again...and you shouldn't either.

"she said they were just friends and everything was ok" go to your bookstore or library asap and get a book called "not just friends" by shirley glass....this book will explain SO much about what it happening in your marriage....my husband cheated with someone from work and they started out as "just friends" but it doesn't stay that way for long...get the book.

don't beat yourself up for snooping and wanting to know...you deserve the truth and if she isn't going to tell you and the signs are there, i think you should find out (within reason) what is happening...

trust is something that can only be earned back by her actions...so it will be a while b/f you can work thru all of this and get it back...but first you've got to figure out what is going on with her...good luck!

you are so strong...you should be so proud and an inspiration to those out there who will walk in your footsteps sometime in their life...maybe even me! thanks for the encouragement...there is light at the end of the tunnel!!!

so if your husabnd commits adultrey, you can have your marriage annuled? if you have children is it different? it would be sad to me to tell my kids my marriage never happened in the eyes of God from now on...just curious...i'm catholic (kinda) and my husband has cheated twice....

my husband of 15 years has cheated on me twice...most recently it was more emotional than physical...check out this website:

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it has a lot of useful info about where each of you might be and what you need to do to salvage your marriage...

there is also a book called not just friends by shirley glass and i think it is great talking about affairs..what they mean and how to get over them. your library probably has it...

i think the counseling would be a good idea both individual and couples but that is for you to decide...it would help you all work together and see each other's view in a neutral place...very helpful for us...

you have a long road to travel and you will heal eventually with or without her....i have 2 kids and that has mainly kept me here working...it is hard and somedays are harder than others...hang in there and give yourself time to decide what is best for you...there is no rush to figure everything out...good luck!

that's rough...get into counseling if you can and figure out why you are attracted to him and not your husband...you have to stay away and figure this out b/f either one of you act on it...it will be a disaster if you act on it! good luck and get help to figure this out...asap!

you deserve to be happy and content...if this man is not willing to work at things and causes this much pain...it is time to leave...our God does understand that there are times in which we must leave ones we made promises to if the other party has broken their end of the deal...we are human...we are not perfect...nor does he expect that of us...he expects us to live the best life we can....and each of us has to decide what that means! i wish you peace...

blake....wow...i'm sorry you are having to go thru this...that is heavy stuff! i admire you for how you are handling all this...your mom sounds like a real special person...you are lucky to have a mom like that...hang in there...all your hard work is gonna pay off big someday!

and remember that therapy does help if it all seems to get overwhelming...many of us on this site have done it and it helps! tell your mom too...sounds like she could use a therpaist or a church pastor...someone to help her get thru this in addition to family....

yes...if you decide to try to work it out, you need counseling asap...i still think he did everything he is denying...most cheaters won't confess unless someone has pure proof (happened to me)

it will be hard to truly ever trust him again...( i have those issues) but i think you know that...you just have to decide how you want to spend the rest of yoru life...do you take a chance with him? only you can decide if it is worth it...an individual counselor would help you sort thru all those feelings...i'd get into couples and individual therapy....it really does help when you emotions are all over the place! hang in there!

there is a book love must be tough by james dobson...it is a book about infidelity and how to handle it...he is a religious person and references it in his book...try to pick up a copy (library had it)...it is a good read...especially if you are christian...it helped me! good luck!

i am so sorry that you are dealing with this...

i have been thru something similar...he had an affair with that other woman for sure...even if not physical...it was emotional...you should go get to a book called not just friends by shirley glass...a good read...really for everyone who cares about their marriage or wants to care about the next one!

i think he will truly never change...if you want to try to work it out, ask him to get into weekly counseling with you and see what he says...you will have to go thru intense counseling and see if he opens up and doesn't give you anymore "it will serve no purpose" crap! you will be able to tell whether he can change enough for you to get what you need and stay married...and it will take months of couseling to truly see if it will "stick" with him...if he refuses to go to couseling, then walk...no, run! but you also have every right to walk away from him now...that is what i would do...but you will decide what is best for you...

you will get thru this and find someone who will treat you with respect...you deserve that...we all do! good luck!

it is hard to walk away from someone you love...but over time after you marry him it will just get harder if he does it again...

if i had known my husband would've cheated twice (that i know of) b/f we got married, i would have walked away. we have 2 great kids now and have been married 15 years...it is so much harder now to think about just walking away with kids involved...so i know what you mean about the kid connection but you are not married to him yet...you have a chance to walk away and let him know that in no way will you tolerate someone doing this to you...i'd walk...but that is just my opinion...good luck with whatever you decide is right for you.

the strength i think will come when you are ready to leave him...definitely call off the engagment and give yourself more time to try to figure things out...don't rush it...

i am so sorry that you are dealing with this....what a crappy thing for him to do.

my husband has cheated on me twice and i have 2 kids...you are in total shock right now and need support and advice....do you go to a church? get a good therapist...ask your friends for names...you are going to need people around you who can help you get thru this...i did. they help so much! you are also going to be on rollercoaster ride of emotions so be ready for that and realize that no matter what you feel it is normal...you have been hurt in one of the worst ways a human being can be hurt.

you will get thru this in time....it won't be easy but you will. and he will have to pay for those precious children...i'd go ahead and consult an attorney too...just have a friend or someone go with you b/c you are so emotional now being pregnant and experiencing this...you'll need someone who can take notes and be there with you to recount what was all said..a good friend!

and i would hold tight if he has moved out...it is called abandonment (if you own a home) and i think in some states if will help you to stay put if he has left and you all end up divorced...but things can change...i thought i'd be divorced for sure this last time and we have gone thru counseling and he wants to work on our marriage...in the beginning (after i discovered the 2ns affair) this wasn't always true...so a few days of him being gone may change his mind about what he really wants out of life...my husband came around about a month after i asked him to leave...

hang in there and get support...and take care of yourself!

hang in there...the day my husband moved out seem like a dream...esp after he was gone and i had all that space in the closet! i did get used to it after a while and you will too!

you need to make a major consequence (i'd leave her in limbo for awhile about the future of your relationship) and her actions will prove whether she is genuine or not...the distance thing bothers me though...i can't imagine how you she will earn your trust back when you all don't see each other daily...but only you can decide what is best...good luck.

here is a good site about all the stuff you are going thru....check it out:

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good luck!

it took my husband over a year to finally get over his affair partner...and i'm sure on occasion he still thinks about her...they had more of an emotional bond than a physical one but they were connected...she has divorced and has a new boyfriend so i think that helped him realized she has moved on and what they shared wasn't the end all be all love relationship he thought it might be.

i think it will take time for you to get over the affair b/c you shared a special bond and it lasted a while. the best thing is to have no contact and do what you are doing...here is a link that is very informative about affairs/breakup and marriages....check it out...good luck!

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i am so sorry to hear that...my husband called me that once when he was distancing himself b/c of an affair he was having...i hate that word! it is verbal abuse for sure! i would get with an individual counselor and make a plan if you really want to leave....they can help..and there has to be a way to get out of this marriage if you want that...don't leave the house though b/c i think it can hurt you if you divorce but do get counsel on that...and good luck!

there is a book called love must be tough by james dobson...your library probably has it. check it out...it has religious currents throughout it and i really enjoyed its message...talks about moving forward with or without your spouse ....i thinl you'll like it! good luck!

i am too sorry for your pain...it is so hard to deal with the trauma of it all...your husband has had time to get used to this b/c he has been considering it long before he broke the news to you...there is a book called love must be tough by james dobson and i think you would like to read it...it has religious overtones but you can overlook these if you like. give it a try...your library probably has it. good luck and hang in there!

i would think that you can get half custody and then have her stay in the state...courts can rule that but i'm not sure how they make that decision...there has got to be a way that you can divorce and still be an active part of your daughter's life. i would consult an attorney in your state.

the beginning is so hard...some guys are just so good at playing both sides so beware...i don't want you to give up i just want you to have your eyes wide open since you know there is a problem...get into therapy and try to work thru this...

when my husband started talking about dividing stuff and wanting to be on his own there was another woman...this is not normal talk for newly weds so get help asap and good luck!