Hey everyone, I am brand new to the forum and just happened to stumble accross it by accident.
I met this woman on a date site back in late August. She is 27, I am 33. She seemed like a great woman and I loved being with her. We started off very slow and gradually built up to something more serious. We offically called each other boyfriend/girlfriend 1 month after meeting. I would then go to her place to watch movies on the weekend/spend the night and we were intimate after 1 1/2 months after we met. We even planned to head over to Europe next spring for 3 weeks on a group tour. Things to me, were going good. But during the whole time we dated, she had ALOT of male friends. So many, that they would call her during the night, text message her, and MSN her. She is actually addicted to MSN, really. Even though we only live 20 minutes from one another, we rarely talked on the phone. It was always through MSN. When she did chat with me, I could tell that she was pre-occupied by other conversations. It actually got annoying waiting 2-3 minutes for her to reply to my IM. She knew I would get upset because of all her male friends and she thought I was jealous of them. I was actually. What guy would call a woman up at 1:00am?
It's hard to explain everything, without writing a book, so bare with me lol Anyway, while I thought things were going fairly good, I think she thought otherwise. Just a couple weeks ago, she was distant. She would chat with me on MSN, but it was like pulling teeth to have a decent conversation. Anytime we made plans, she would make up an excuse to cancel at the last moment. She then said that her father/sister were coming up from out of town and that she needed her condo keys back and the $260 I owed her for the deposit for the trip (she used a credit card). I gave them back to her, but I had a bad feeling I could kiss them good-bye. Sure enough, the night I gave them back, she told me that she didn't feel like we should continue our relationship. She didn't break up with me... as a matter of fact, she couldn't give me a straight answer. She kept saying "I don't know" when I asked her if she still wanted to date me. Finally, a few days ago, she tells me everything that has bothered her. I was shocked. I didn't know that things went that bad. She looked at every negative point and nothing positive. But still she was hanging in there and didn't want to finalize everything. I still had/have feelings for her and I don't want it to end. She said that there was no spark/butterflies when we were together anymore. We only really started officially dating the end of September and haven't spent that much time with one another if you think about it. Was she expecting too much out of this relationship? Besides a failed 3 month marriage, she has never had a serious relationship before, just dated a new guy every month. I asked her if she was ready for something serious and she said yes, but she doesn't feel the spark. I know that she is attracted to me and I am attracted to her, so it has nothing to do with looks.
Anyway, we still chat with each other, every night on MSN. It's been 2 full weeks and she is still playing that " I don't know routine" when it comes to us. It's actually frustrating. I know that she is VERY busy with work, working 14 hours a day because of the Christmas rush, so I am patient with her in that respect. I thought maybe once she is no longer busy with work, she would be fine. Then tonight, it was sad. Finally after arguing about everything, she ended it, but wanted to remain friends. Before she ended it, I questioned her about the $260 and the keys and if her dad/sister really came up. She got mad at me for calling her a liar.
After she logged off MSN, I stayed on the computer to do something else. 15 minutes later, she logged back on. She then IM me and apologized. She said that she lied to me. Her father/sister never came up to visit her. She lied to me just to get her keys back and that $260 deposit for the trip. She then told me that she was thinking about breaking up with me back then. I was angry that she lied, but I played it cool with her. She then said that she felt so sick about lying to me, that she had to throw up. Then she disappeared for 7 minutes, before coming back. She then said that she still wants to be 'friends' until she decides to give us another chance.
During the entire 2 weeks that we were debating on breaking up, she always asked me about that trip, if I am still going or not. At first I said no, because I wanted to go with her as a couple and have it romantic. Then I changed my mind and said yes, I will go. She seemed shocked. Personally, I think that she found someone else to take my place. That would be horrible, since I gave her $260 for a deposit for that trip and it's non-refundable!
I don't know what to think about this whole thing. It's like a soap opera. I have been dating since I was 19, involved in an 8 year relationship, I was even married for 15 months (together for 3 years), dated someone for a year and have dated a lot of women, but I have NEVER encountered anyone like this before. When a woman is not interested, that is it! She breaks up with me (or visa versa). I never had anyone hang onto me and have such a struggle to break up. Even after we did break up tonight, she came back online ill to apologize! She even said she had a dream of us getting back together. I don't know what to think of this. A part of me says to forget about her, forget the $260 and move on. Another part says to hang in there with her and see what she decides in a month or so. Then something inside of me thinks that she wants me to break up with her, after being so frustrated, so I would forget about the trip and she would take someone else. I am actually losing sleep over this woman and not eating right!!! This is nuts! I don't know what to do. Its almost like a game to her.
