waiting7711

Like I said before - on January 2nd 2006 HE came to me and said " I think we should REALLY start trying for a baby in march "... well what am I suppose to think !!!! ME NOT SELFISH !!! sorry I just had to get that off my chest ONE MORE TIME !! mixed signals are sure NORMAL to some people !!!!

and also let me just say that until YOU have suffered multiple miscarriages you have NO IDEA how it affects you and the desire to become a mother. He knew I wanted kids, he never told me he didnt want them. before we were even married we had decided that 2 kids is a good idea. this isnt some idea that I just dreamed up one day. I did go see a therapist this summer when I was so upset. the therapist even told me that he is causing this problem by saying things to me that he doesnt plan on following thru with - adoption, kids.

Thank you all for your replies. Let me just say to ROBOWARRIER that you are quite mean and I didnt ask for insults but advice. I am not selfish at all, you do not know me. In fact it is my hubby that is being selfish and he himself has admitted to that !!! Let me add just a few more things to my story, maybe I should have put them in the first post. My husband even went and told people that we were looking at adoption from Ukraine, he told people that we were starting the process in September !! I heard him telling people..... hmmmm what am I suppose to think ?? Those were words from HIS MOUTH. And I am the selfish one ??? He has outright lied not only to me but to others. Not to mention that he didnt know that I overheard him on one occasion telling a good friend of his about our plan to adopt !!! So what am I suppose to think when he says all these things and then balks on it !! And I am NOT pushing him into this - remember like I said WE WERE NOT USING BIRTH CONTROL !!! He knew that and he never told me to start birth control and our home has not seen a condom in years !!! What does he think will happen ??? So basically he says all these great things about adoption etc and then changes his mind !!! I am not selfish, he is !!!

I will try to make this a short as possible. We have been married for 4 years and stopped using birthcontrol right before wedding. He knew I wasnt taking the pill anymore, wasnt an issue. So in 2003 I got pregnant, we were both thrilled and HE was telling people even before I was. unfortunately the pregnancy ended in miscarriage at 8 weeks. I was really torn up about it and so was he - for the first little bit, then he wanted me to "get over it" and stop being so sad and stop pressuring him to get pregnant again... because that is what I wanted, to get pregnant again. We had several arguments about having kids and all of a sudden he just "isnt sure about the whole baby thing"... needless to say I was very hurt but still hopeful that he would change his mind. This issue would come up especially when one of our friends would get pregnant, I would be sooo sad and depressed because it wasnt me... Oh yah and let me just mention that during all this time we WERE NOT using any birthcontrol but we were " NOT trying " - he still wasnt sure about having a baby... yes its confusing I know. So fast forward to December 29th, 2005 - we have a huge fight and he tells me he isnt sure if he even wants kids, that he isnt ready for that responsibility, doesnt want his life to change because of a kid... Yes they are a HUGE responsibility but so is marriage, a job, mortgage payments, etc. I hated him fo making me feel so sad. Then on my birthday just 4 days later he tells me that he does want to have kids and that he thinks we should "really start trying" in march. So I am thrilled, great birthday present !!! About a week later we see this program on TV about adoption from Ukraine. Poor kids that need homes etc. Well HE says to me " maybe if you have another miscarriage we could adopt from a country like that"... I agree and think its a great idea. Well it just so happens that on January 16th I found out that I was pregnant, again he was all excited and telling people right away !! Our luck was short lived when again I suffered another miscarriage but this one had added complications and I ended up with a molar pregnancy. It is a rare pregnancy that never produces a live baby but takes a long time to resolve. I ended up in the hospital for a few days because of massive bleeding & was only free of weekly bloodwork this august. Sooo as this was all happening I had sent away for Ukraine adoption info and we talked about it. He seemed pretty interested but wanted to wait until I was healthy again until we did anything big like adopt. YAH he was stalling again !!! So again we have had many arguments and fights about him NOT SURE about wanting kids - blah blah blah !! I am frustrated and mad and angry and not sure what to do at this point. What is his damn problem already. He is jerking me around & it just isnt fair at all. In august we had a HUGE discussion and we were both looking at separating as a way to solve this. Neither of us really wanted that but we were both so angry. After hours of talking he finally told me that in January we can do the homestudy to start the adoption process... BUT that I cant push him ino the next step in signing up with an agency. Ok. But he also asked me NOT to bring up kids or adoption again until January. OK, and I have not. WELL January is right around the corner, does anyone have ANY advice ?? What if he changes his mind again ?? Pregancy is still optional for us but it is a scary thought since I will be 34 in january.