gitch

I finally got my husband to agree to counseling (marriage only), which must be a step in the right direction. As far as his addiction to sex and gambling, that is another story. He fails to see his implications on our family, leaving me frustrated and angry. Last night he kept returning to the sex and how it drove him to gambling. It is common knowledge that sometimes after birth of children and leading a stressful life, that a person's sex drive diminishes. This is not to say that it won't pick up again, but it does happen. And instead of ackowledging that he keeps pressuring me. It is the pressures and the guilt he lays on me that keeps extending the intimate gap between us. Emotional intimacy is vital to the physical aspect, but he is an emotionally attached individual, thus not meeting my needs. Unfortunately this is beyond his comprehension. I guess it is important to note that he came from a very emotionally detached family. His father is a raging alcoholic since he was 18, his mother had my husband to occupy her time as to not have to deal with the alcoholic, then when she was bored with that, she had an affair with a man, which went on for 15years while she was married. he learned addiction from his father, I hope he doesn'tlearn infedelity from his mother.

Thank you sooo much for the support. Luckily, as soon as i discovered all the problems, i did just that, limited all his access to money. Now all financial matters have to go through me first. The hardest part is knowing that i constantly have to check bank statement, credit cards and on-line sites. He has finally agreed to go to a counselor, reluctantly. I want to leave but with small children I feel the need to try everything before I change my life forever. Will it end? Is this anyway to live? Gambling aside, what about his inattentiveness to his one child with special needs? He says its because he has difficulty associated with his own ADD. So , now on top of all the extra needs of my child, I am left to deal with an adult child with extra needs. UUUGHGGHHHH! Roder_rider - those filters when on the day I discovered the problem!! My mother did not raise a stupid girl. well except for trusting an addict.

Thanks for responding. We went to counseling a few years ago for other issues, i.e him not liking my inattention to him. But with recent events, i have asked him to go back on three separate occasions with no success. Earlier today he told me that his gambling addiction was a result of my lack of physical imtimacy and that he feels unneeded by me. All of this makes me feel terrible. He says he was wrong but i am having a hard time (2 months now) of getting over this. I think my husband who contolled the finances before never thought i would find out. I have always financially done better than him, and worked longer hours, which is why he got away with it for so long. My family thinks he wants to work things out, but i am not sure i do. Can you get over betrayal when the foundation of a good marriage is based on trust?

I have reached the crossroads of deciding to divorce or stay in my marriage, and could use some advice.... I have been married for 7 years to a highschool friend. We have two boys together (one with moderately severe ADHD who requires alot of special help). This information is important because I have a husband with a gambling addiction. In the last 6-8 months (or longer) he has spent 10,000 dollars on his problem, going as far as to take money away from our 401K as well as from our youngest son's college fund. All the while asking me to work more to pay the bills. I was such an idiot to believe that we had such financial problems. When after working 80 hours a week and not understanding why our accounts kept dwindling, I started investigating our records and was shocked to see what was going on. I confronted him and he agreed to stop gambling, but in the last week he has gone out and played in tourneys with his friends. He says his gambling on-line got out of control, but does not think he has a problem. This is only one of our problems. Additionally, when I was looking into our financial situation, I found that he was looking at pornographic websites routinely. My children were in the house as he was doing this. I don't think they saw anything, but to think that he was doing this infuriates me and turns me off to him. He says I am not a good wife because I don't engage in sex more frequently, but I am tired and stressed. Between the huge number of hours I work, the kids and the house, I don't have much energy for anything else. I should mention that he is complaining of my lack of physical involvement just after I had a hysterectomy!!! Really not allowed to do that right now. regardless, why should I when all he does or cares about is sex and gambling? He is of no help when it comes to the children, especially the one with ADHD. (BTW, he has ADD which explains the gambling and the inability to help with our son,but he won't seek help for that either). Throughout our amarriage, I have given him EVERYTHING he ever wanted, when is it my turn? What do I do? Thanks for listening.