L.J.

Implementing NC is mean and vengeful only when it's implemented for the sake of an eye for an eye. Her heart in not in the right place and she is as foggy as you are. The truth is, you expressed confusion and you are not sure where to go from here in the relationship. Staying as friend now will further confuse and hurt you because you are still vulnerable, still hoping.

She doesn't agree with the theory because friendship provides a safety net and she'll feels less guilty if she doesn't have a change of heart. Either way, you are the one who's going to hurt. For your own sanity, the best option is take time off from each other to let her clear the seed of doubt. Then it would be fair to talk about the future, whether or not as friends or partners.

I agree with Vynde that your emotions are still raw and you might be expecting too much, too fast, resulting in your freaking out. You still have difficulty with trust. You met at the beginning of November, barely over a month. There are a lot of legitimate reasons for his lack of calling.. work, kid, holiday preparation, etc. He could also be called away for his job.

When I first met my former GF, I had to leave for a contract job to another country for a month. I had her in my mind all the time. Calling her as regularly was hard because of the time difference. Months later, my relationship fell apart not because I didn't shower her with enough attention. It didn't work out because she hasn't healed from her former marriage.

I'm sorry you are hurting. It was laid back and cool when you saw each other a lot before. The general concept that we evaluate or define a new relationship at between 6 to 8 months might hold some truth. That was about the time you moved. You realized that she's a good person and will always be in your heart, want to make it work and want it to be serious. She on the other hand might be rediscovering her space and needed time to find her own bearings. Your over compensating and being clingy only serve to reconfirm how important her space is for her.

She's a good person and made you a better one. Give her all the time she need to discover the same about you. The more you pressure her for seriousness and commitment, the more you are going to push her away.

You are far away and isolated, can't go banging on her door, but you can certainly open your own for new friendship and embrace life with courage in a new environment. She made you a better person, now it's your turn to make yourself even better and stronger.

Do I not answer. Do I answer after a couple calls to let her know, "hey, I'm making you miss me, wanna come back?"

I'm too much of a soft heart to pull the NC without feeling guilty about it.

She's strong/stubborn and probably will NC me as well. Catch 22 if you know what I'm saying.

If you think NC is a wise move and you have decided that it's the way for you, don't count on it to get her back. Give her all the space and time to figure out the fear of commitment, on her own. It's hard, much harder since you're soft hearted. Give her all the time needed and stay out of touch.

Keep walking East and you ended up West, right from where you started. Hoping attain the same result ... he doesn't change or treat you well. Circuitous journey in most cases are longer than the direct way(nc) for the healing process. You don't deserve to be hurt again.

Hang in there ITG.

Good for you!!! If you were meant to be friends, then you will be friends, but you can't be friends until you can only see her as a friend and I seriously doubt that can happen right now. Don't plan for it or on it...just focus on you and remember that anytime someone shows you the door, walk through it and don't look back.

 

 

Good luck and keep us posted.

 

 

Orlander

Hey Stunned,

You are making big strikes. Good for you. I agree with Orlander.

Take care

There is no better equation to getting over someone than to see him as a two time loser. First he insulted you by cheating and then letting his mom insult you again. He doesn't deserve you and you deserve better. It's 13 days since the extraction of an abscessed tooth. Vehement pain is natural when memories muddles the mind. In time, the wound will close and healing will begin.

Take care.

I'm not sure how long it will take to find myself. It's been 7 weeks. The abhorring ride gets better but yet to be inured.

Probably more so the age gap than intelligence. Shallow endeavoring is a tedious process of growing up for everyone. You've been there and is now grounded in the creative world of spoken words and the arts, whereas he's still testing the social depth of life.

IS SOMETHING GOING ON? Or am I just going crazy being a stay at home mom to our baby? Thats what he says, that I have been cooped up too long and need to see a doctor!

 

I just have this feeling that something isn't right

Give it some time and see if TESSY > 3 remain constant.

If constant 3 remain constant .... no change, your husband still rate her beauty at 3. No major cosmetic surgery or procedures.

If the constant 3 is increased to 4 or more .... Your husband is doing something more than thrice.

What does the >3 mean?

The symbol > in mathematical term means 'greater/more than' and

TESSY >3 means TESSY is greater than 3 in its own context.

It could be an rating scale your husband use for TESSY, which can mean anything, for example:

TESSY >3 ... He rate her beauty as greater than 3

TESSY >3 ... He contacted her more than 3 times

TESSY >3 ... He had sex with her more than 3 times

Looks like a lose, lose, situation if he request for a meeting without giving it some time.

He's an amazing person and deserves more.... if she say NO, he hurts, if she say YES, it means the answer is pending her parents' approval. Tail she wins, head he loose.

It's gonna take a lot to get over ... it's gonna take a lot for her to grow and mature. Time time time

They broke off twice for mainly the same reason (her parents' disapproval). Unless the girl has a backbone to make her own decision, your friend has more than getting back he can hope for. The last thing he need is to date her and her parent at the same time when she decides to come back.

I want my son's relationship with his mother to be as healthy as can be! I want to show him Family is forever and love is real.

EphemeraDreams,

That's very positvie energy. Try letting go of the negative for you and your son. Though you are keeping the truth from him, children are very intuitive in sensing anger. I really think you're a remarkable father by the comments you made about giving your son the best. The least you can do beside your love for him, is to let go of the anger so you can be a better father than you already are.

HF,

It is indeed a very frustrating situation you are in. Here are some of my thoughts:

A professional photographer/videographer doesn't necessarily mean he/she takes better pictures than an amateur. It just mean he/she does it for a living. An amateur can do incredible work, but he/she doesn't do it for a living. The quality of work especially in a medium of the arts can be defined very subjectively by different people. A well exposed image of a glass of water can be defined as quality of work but to another person, the exposure doesn't matter, the glass of water just doesn't look refreshing enough.

Charley: Well, I'd try to work things out with them first

I agree with Chaley. Are you willing to negotiate?

In normal circumstances, weather there is a formal contract or not, a retainer(deposit) is in place before I would even pick up my camera. This first payment is calculated to cover your time and expenses. The balance is for the final product.

She's disputing the standard of work (product), but still has to honor your time and expenses. Is she willing to at least pay for your time? If she's willing to talk about her dissatisfaction, and if your gf can rectify this (e.g. correcting color balance and density on the computer), would she accept the pictures? As for the video, it's a not a big deal editing out the remark your girlfriend made if they find it offensive. It's just the soundtrack and it can be done easily. If you are willing to do this, are they willing to pay you?

Keep records of your negotiation. You can use this records in court to prove you willingness to settle the dispute.

As always, Friscodj .. sound advise. Your knowledge speaks, wisdom listens.

It could be she's testing to see if you are jealous or it could be a way she's telling you that she moved on. Unfortunately, vulnerability is a downside of keeping in touch after breaking up. If you're absolutely sure, you don't want her back anymore because of the way she treated you, then totally cutting contact might be the best option for you.

Hey krnswte,

I'm sorry you are feeling down right now. It's must be the weekend. He ended the relationship because you were having a lot of problems. You also told him, you shouldn't talk for a while but you continued to contact him online from that point. He replied back but now he suddenly stopped talking to you. He could be busy or maybe he needs some time to think about the problems and the relationship. You don't have to think obout moving on quite yet, but it's a good idea to give it some time and not contact him again for now. Give him some space to sort things over and see if he will contact you later. I'm sure he will if he misses you and want to work on the relationship again.

Bestfish,

Our problems are alike but we chose to stand on different edge of the sword. You're on the LC side of the blade and I'm on the NC edge. I'm wondering which side is sharper. Keep posting and let us know how it goes. I'm glad you had great success in your program. Keep the positive rolling.

Stunned,

How did it go with your big day?? You've got a smile in your face.. now keep it there, will you? Is the storm over yet or are you still having major workout shoveling? How's the online therapy coming along?

I took your advise and focused on positive thinking. That helps. I'm playing the piano again and not feeling down like I was before.

How's that fever, Stunned? Feeling better? Take care.

I feel really stuck in the past - how do you deal with the memories which just fly into your head all over the place? I feel so alone and abandoned by the one person I least expected it from. Do you ever regain the trust? Does it really ever get better?

uplateandlonely,

I know how it feels to be stuck in the past. I'm on my 6th week of NC and my head is also all over the place with memories. There is no perfect recipe or amount of time to bake the same cake. Anti-depresants might or might not be part of the ingredient, I guess it depends on who's baking it. I am not on depressant drugs but I had to use meds to help me sleep for the first couple of weeks.

In answering your question as to how I deal with the memories, I find it helpful to tell myself that I'm a creature of habits, that it's not so much my ex, but it is the comfort we shared in our daily routines that's causing me distress. I think my subconscious mind is counting on memories to compensate for these routines that are taken away from me. When I feel stuck in the past, this mindset really motivates me to be actively developing new routines, so my head doesn't depend on old ones as defend mechanism. Now I routinely visit with friends and meeting new ones. Inviting friends to my place for dinner also bring new joy and energy to the home. I am feeling less alone. Hopefully it will get better. I hope the the same for you too.

Stunned,

Today is your Special Day. I want you to know... you are not alone

May everyday bring you joy.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY !!

Many Happy Return of the Day, Stunned

HAPPY BIRTHDAY !

Yes, Happy B-Day tomorrow Stunned ! Give Buddy and the rest of your 4 footed kids a hug and enjoy your day, would ya??

***********************

And thank you everyone for your kind words of encouragement. Again, I know I'll make it

2001ACU, it's ours words but your voice is the encourangement. We'll all make it.

What about the rebound thing? Any comments or suggestions on her jumpin' from the pot to the fryin pan, so quick?

I wouldn't worry too much about it. Every smile reveals the teeth, every rebound has a potential bite. Just focus on your well-being.

Stunned !!!!!! How are you ???

You've misunderstood, it's 2001ACU's & LONE's b/d and I was wishing them. This is not my thread. Thanks anyway .... I'm can use a b-day just about now.

No apology needed 2001ACU. The slang is different, the heart bleeds the same.

Damn, it's tough though when your on-line and you can see they're on-line, but yet neither of us say anything! Don't you just wanna say something, either nice or hateful, but damn........you just wanna send something thru.

It's tough but sometimes inertia is the best move, thus, the power of NC.