L.J.

Best wishes 2001ACU and LONE on your 40th !!! Life starts at 40 and it gets better. All the best to the both of you.

The above posts are right, 2001ACU. Staying away from Myspace is a good thing.

Thanks Stunned. I'm hanging in. I'm just exhausted, tired.

Good morning Stunned,

I am so glad to read your post because it is giving me encouragement. I can see you are making a big progress because I followed your post from day one. I was doing good for weeks and all of a sudden I'm feeling down since yesterday. Seeing your progress and the steps you took to accomplish that is giving hope that I can be on my feet again.

Maybe you are right about the life style of both of us. Although, we used to do a lot of things together, we did not have a problem before.

With the age difference, lifestyle might not have posed a problem when both are younger. Now at 26, it's normal if she is anxious about accomplishments in life. Both of you are probably at a very different point with your career too.

Do you have kids? Have you guys talked about children before? This can be a touchy subject with the age gap. The question of having kids might not be an issue for both when she was younger, could potentially bring a lot anxiety now with your age.

Things you like to do together then could be different now. Do you have problem socializing with her friends, a group of twenty-something's? Does she have problem with yours, probably most with teenage kids?

A pot calling a kettle black. Yours too, friscodj ... great post

Hey Stewi, I understand your situation. It's hard as it to be young parents, even harder to be a young single dad and having problem in your relationship.

It is hard and you feel trapped but it's not impossible to move on. It takes time. Enjoy your time with your beautiful kids in the evening. They really need you now. Every other weekend when they are with their mother, you go out and enjoy your freedom, Hang out with old friends and make new ones. Before you know, you will be moving on. Be strong and hang in there for you and your kids. How old are they? Boys or girls?

Mel,

My posts is not a criticism. I'm making a point that your issue and problems encompass beyond her cheating. My suggestion is:

A) Refrain from violence. B) refrain from her C) move on.

It doesn't have to be in any particular order.

Please never resort to violence. Laying hand on her is wrong no matter how right you are.

 

-Men of peace usually are brave.

Nope. Her action cannot be justify either. Violence is not acceptable.

I loathe to imagine if a child hit him first.

What's done is done.

mistakes still need to be acknowledged so they aren't repeated.

What's done is done... emotional scars last forever.

How can it be JUSTIFY ??!!

FACT:

Three million women are physically abused by their husband or boyfriend per year. Around the world, at least one in every three women has been beaten, coerced into sex or otherwise abused during her lifetime.

Mel,

Please never resort to violence. Laying hand on her is wrong no matter how right you are.

-Men of peace usually are brave.

Following the seductive path of the heart, huh? Keep us posted about your well-being, ok?

Did I say flatfish or bestfish

I've decided to sit tight and do nothing- at least for this 24 hr period, or xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sorry, I omitted the second part of your sentence. You haven't change your mind yet, so don't let your subconscious think you will.

L.J...it's at the bottom of the ocean where the flounder lives

As it stand in a dictionary, "flounder" has two definitions: Staggering in water or mud... you can also define it as a flatfish typically in shallow coastal water.

I pick the latter so I can be on my feet sooner

L.J...let's go back to the tennis court where "love" means nothing...

Is this where we wander but not lost?

Bestfish... better to reign in hell than to serve in heaven?

Hey now, Bestfish ... it's not totally a guy thing O You didn't count me, did you?

HP, there are no stupid questions, just stupid answers. You don't want to mess up someone else's life. I really respect you for that. A visit to the Relationship Commitment section in this forum might give you an insight how many lives are messed up.

Stunned,

That is an amazing story. I am hearing that voice again. Buddy was a stray, suffering physical and emotional abuse. In time of despair, he seeked comfort in you. Moral of the story ... he is teaching us how to heal.

He claimed the overstuffed chair... you go claim some strength, ok?

Not at all, Stunned. They are my words but it's your voice. I hear it ... relax,relax, there is a light at the end of the tunnel !!

Goodness. All the 4-footed kids? How many do you have?

Stunned,

Great you had a workout shoveling the drive and you get to play with the boys. Well, next time you just have to read the boards before attempting to clean the snow blade, or ... moral of the story, you can keep the lawn tractor clean, leave the blade dirty

The dumping of the snow will continue but it doesn't have to create havoc to your sense of well-being. It's an ideal opportunity, to have a good read by the fire-place while listening to Nina Simone or something. The older boy with arthritis might not want to be outside for long. I'm sure he would love to be indoor as your leg warmer. Soon enough you'll be out of the house again.

Bestfish,

Thanks for your message. I'm glad you came to, with strength and determination. Here's how I think your situation fit mine like a glove. I spent the entire morning on T-Day resisting attempts to call. I had a delightful evening congregating with friends and then woke up in the morning listening to a voice mail from you guess who, suggesting we give ourselves another "try". There are also friends who surmised I'm torturing myself.

NC or break NC... I can discern no difference between the two when I read your previous post. I was lost in a space of darkness, in all fairness, a blind cannot lead a blind. I couldn't response to your post in a succinct manner. I needed time to think. So... here's my conclusion. She asked to give it a "try", but didn't say how big a spoonful of salt to try it with. It's redundant to speak of my decision. Your latest post pretty much describe how I will kindle the candle below the ocean.

Hey Stunned,

It's okay if you didn't hear from her. Stuck at home spending quality time with your four footed kids, huh? Did you get a chance to take them out for a walk like I suggested before the storm?

Spending a joyous evening with friends and waking up the next morning alone can be extremely difficult.

I doubt it's your obstinacy ... I am obfuscated by your post and I cannot succinctly response. Your situation fit mine like a glove so it wouldn't be fair to response without some thoughts.

I just bought her Deluxe Edition CD. Yes, her stuff with Buddy is good. You like blues too? Maybe you like Memphis Slim's album "Raining the Blues"? Incredible piano.

Just hit the 5th week marker!! Not at the seafloor, still submerged in depth.

Why are you listening to everyone else? You are skipping back and forth not really sure of what you need or want. It is time you made a decision for yourself. It might be an idea to pull yourself out of both relationships and stand alone for a while. I think you need to work on your self esteem.

That is essentially my point. I cannot agree better with Survictor

I know i went back to my wife many times, I did so as I had and still have feelings for her, i never once slept with her

That's the point (not the sleeping part). Would you want a serious relationship with anybody who still have feeling for their ex?

Your ex could also have feelings for the people she's seeing too, you know? Why is that not okay for you?

i sometimes believe it was my wife who ruined my relationship with this girl, this girl loved me and i loved her, i was ready to move on all the divorce papers were ready to be sent, it was my wife who said i was making the wrong choice

Was it a separation agreement between yourselves that you seek her approval who you date, who loves you or who you loves? But that's beside the point. You are ready to move on, but haven't .. you are still married. You can perceive yourself as having an affair (cheating) if you want to. Any women involved with you can think the same until you are divorced. Most people if not all, wouldn't want to be in a relationship with baggage.

i know i have issuse which have not be spoken about here and they are for me to sort out

Don't you think it a good idea to sort it out now on your own or with the help of professionals? I don't think your wife or your ex are trained in this field to help you.

I know you would say end it now and have space but i believe that would be wrong to do

If you believe this is wrong, what do you believe is right to do? I don't think having your wife and your ex at the same time is the best option, do you?