In one way I am very familiar with divorce due to my parents getting divorced when I was 14. Very ugly story with alcohol and violence (which included us children).
I am now married for over 16 years. Shortly after we got married my wife feel into an emotional whole (so we thought) just to find out 11 years later from a different doctor that was suffering from hyper thyroid. She got treatment and things were much better for her, but our marriage had been migrated (slowly but surely) into more a friendship type of thing. Barely any sex or even kissing. Anyway - things improved and we eventually had a baby (now 2 years old / baby girl).
Since the baby was born she seemed to have problems with depression, but refuses to talk about it or to get medical advice. That might have improved, but put a lot of stress on our relationship.
Our little girl has some minor development issues, but my wife and her mom are seeing that different and so it is not a minor development issue, but something much bigger. The pediatrician is not concerned and so I am not. I am trying to talk my wife out of her believe that there is a major development issue, but as soon as I leave for work mother in law calls and pretty much destroys my arguments. I do not consider my wife emotionally able to fight her own mom (she is the only child and her parent always took care of her problems until we got married).
So, we're drifting apart since our baby girl was born and are mainly arguing about parenting and all the related stuff. There is no other woman or man, nor alcohol or violance or stuff like that. Just different opinions on certain things - but major differences. Emotional we have been drifted away further than we ever were. When another situation popped up where I said it is a minor development issue (following the pediatrician) and my wife said it is a major issue and she would move back to the east coast to get her parents to help her, the word divorce fell the first time.
Don't get me wrong - our baby is getting what she needs - no matter if she gets the "extra" treatment.
But for the relationship between my wife and me - this is just major poison in the whole mix. Another fight another day and I finally said I think it is better to separate. I do not want our baby see us fighting the whole time. I have been through an ugly divorce as a kid and I think it is better to grow up without seeing the parents fight.
24 hours went by and it seemed like we were on the way to a divorce. I am in major emotional up and downs and I guess so is my wife. It is tearing me apart to think about not seeing my baby grow up. I could fight for custody, but in one way I think it is better if mom and baby stay together. I have to work anyway and all that stuff. The baby will be taken care of just fine - even if some things would be different - I think in the long run it would be better as I do not have the option to go back to parents who help me (just daycare ...).
Anyway - we started talking again and for a short moment we both seemed to think that there is still something left worth fighting for. Things have calmed down a little bit now.
My fear is that this is only for a short time and that our problems have not been disappeared. They are just hidding under the surface of our marriage and family life. We drifted away from each other so far already.
I do not want to live in an empty shell nor do I think it will help my wife or the baby. On the other side I think that the baby deserves us trying again.
We thought about marital counseling or a few months of separation. Not sure yet what to do. I am not a friend of talking to a shrink. This is just tiring and I do not have much energy left to fight. The battery has been drained in this emotional roller coaster.
This is so weird. I just don't know what to do. I feel so bad and guilty considering a divorce and "sending" my wife back to her parents.
Chris
