Hi I am new here and have been reading some of the threads. I thought that maybe this might be the place to share my story and get some feed back. I tried to talk to someone about it once, it was over the phone on one of those radio talk shows and she just made me feel awful then hung up on me. This will be kind of long but here goes...
I was married to the love of my life for about 15 years. About 6 years before the divorce we were having serious marital trouble due to a so-called Christian ministry we were very involved with. I won't give you the details of that because it would take days. To sum it up we got away from it because it was a very controlling ministry and we moved to an other state where we had family. We continued to struggle in our marriage. My husband was having spells that we were told by the first Dr. we saw. were panic attacks. These spells became more and more frequent and after a really bad one we went to different Dr. who did a MRI and we were told the next day that my husband had a brain tumor and that the spells were seizures. We then flew to Houston Texas to see a Neuro Surgeon at MD Anderson. He recommended surgery to resect and diagnose the tumor. This was going to cost around $100,000.00 We did not have health insurance nor that kind of money. So we flew back home and friends and family started to organize a fundraiser for the money. We live in a small community and I knew there was no way we could raise that kind of money. So I went to the State and Social Security, the latter would not kick in for 6 months and we did not have that kind of time. So back to the State I went and was able to get him on our states Medicaid. The next problem I encountered was that MD Anderson would only take Texas Medicaid. So then I went to my Senator and he called the president of MD Anderson and got him to agree to take our states Medicaid. Well after surgery, radiation, and indefinite chemotherapy a year later he was in complete remission. That was awesome because originally they gave him 6 months to live. The trouble was that my husband was a completely different person. He seemed to not have any emotion except to cry or become very angry. I still loved him with all my heart and was determined it would get better. Then one day while at a super bowel party, he seemed to be very happy to see this one women in fact they were hugging and crying all over each other. At the time I did not think much of it because I knew that they had been friends before all the cancer stuff and that my husband had helped her get away from a very crazy and abusive husband. Well later after my husband and the women left the party (I stayed because I was helping give the party) 5 different people at 5 different times came up to me and said how sorry they were that I had to see that. I had no clue what they were talking about! Finely I asked one of them and found out that my husband and this woman had been having an affair before the cancer. I also found out she was not the only one, my best friend of 27 years had also been seeing him. Man was I dumb! But I still loved him and was determined to stay with him. Until one day we got into an argument about it and I called both women a very rude name. It made my husband very angry and he got very violent with me. I ended up in the hospital for about a week and I could just not take any more. I had to live in a safe house for about 4 months and be separated from my 3 children I still had at home. I began to lean heavily on a man who I had known for 16 years. This man was a very dear friend and was always very supportive of me. I began to care for him more than a friend, the trouble was that he is married. Now if my life was not complicated enough I had to add this into the mix. I have to explain about this man and his marriage. He and his wife have not lived in the same state for years, in fact I have never met her. I have seen her but never spoken to her. The main reason they are still married has to do with the fact that she is very Catholic. My friend is also concerned that if he divorces her then he will lose his 2 daughters and 3 grandchildren. Not to mention the money involved. After my divorce I started having a relationship with him that was much more then friendship. He has been very good to my children and me. He has helped us all through the pain of divorce and a broken family. Now he is helping all of us and especially my 2 teenage boys get through the loss of their father. The cancer came back last March with a vengeance. While my ex-husband has not passed away yet he is in a nursing home now and does not know any of us. The Drs. say he will not make it much longer. Oh god how did all of this happen? I have been seeing my friend for 2 1/2 years now and God help me I love him deeply. I have not pressured him to get a divorce because I like things the way they are now. I am absolutely terrified to get married again. My children do not know too much about his situation. I have told them that he is still By law married, and I have told them a little about why. Sometimes I am afraid I am going to burn in hell for this, but I also feel I can not take an other key male figure out of my boy’s lives.
