insofar

Move on. She sounds like a b****. You could ask her why she did that, but I doubt you would get an answer that would make you feel better.

I noticed your age. Know that not all girls are like this, and you will eventually find someone who won't group you into stupid little school categories like dork or nerd, and see you for who you are. School is very different from the outside world because, since it's disconnected and pretty much unwatched other than the basic requirements of being there, it forms its own little ecosystem, much like a prison. Read Paul Graham's article, link removed, for what I consider a good analysis (even if you're not a nerd, don't let the title fool you). She is probably just playing the game, so to speak. You deserve someone who is above all that.

I've created a special "Exes" group at the bottom of my Trillian contact list, moved her in there, and closed it so I don't see her icon. I told her that since she said earlier that she isn't comfortable with conversation every day yet, that I needed to heal so I would either delete her icon or hide it as I said above, but she could still message me when she wanted. She understood.

And it seems to help a bit.

Tonight's conversation has made me force myself to accept that it's over. She once again reiterated that she is no longer in love with me (though still loves me) and doesn't want to think about us getting back together yet. I'm pretty sure it has a lot less to do with depression and more to do with it just fizzling out for her. So I'm back to where I was yesterday before she messaged me. Now, at least though, I think I'm doing a bit better. I can go a few minutes between thoughts of her. I can get through this.

I agree with the above opinion that your girlfriend is insane to believe that a relationship is better if arguments are suppressed. Disagreements happen, plain and simple: you're not the same person, you will have differences of opinion.

It seems to me that you are of a much higher maturity level than your girlfriend. She isn't ready to commit to you and is making that blazingly clear. As much as you might want the relationship to continue you can only bend so far; when she tries to change you to this extent, you have to ask yourself whether it's even possible, for one thing, and whether, in the end, it's a good thing for you. Because in this case, it's not. Your definition of a relationship is different from hers. You want different things. And that's OK! But compromise can only go so far as well; when she wants to you change your fundamental beliefs about a relationship, you have to wonder if it will ever work out the way either of you want.

You are not the bad guy here. And while I think she's being very unreasonable in a lot of the things she's saying, neither is she. You just want different things. Regardless of what anyone defines a "good relationship" as, it differs from person to person and from couple to couple.

Is your relationship good by either of your standards?

If it was a gift, do you really think it's right to be asking for compensation?

Yeah, one of the things I told her was that I had all the time in the world. She knows how I feel about this (I love her and want her back). But if she needs time apart from me to sort things out, I'm more than willing to give her that.

She said, when she broke up with me a few days ago, that she didn't want to marry me and so didn't want to force me to move without that commitment, but I never really expected her to have to marry me before I moved to be with her. Even so, in the absense of anything else I'd still want to have a long distance relationship.

PS: What game did you meet your boyfriend in, if you don't mind me asking? Mine was link removed (and I hope she doesn't come accross this thread now as that would just about confirm my identity. )

She contacted me. She wants to keep open contact now as it's painful for both of us to not talk at all, but she also wants to stand by her decision to be apart for now. I went as far as asking her point blank whether the problem has been, on the whole, depression issues or whether she was just losing interest in me, and she said she really didn't know. (Earlier in the conversation she had also said that the problem was just her.) I said we'll just see where this leads us for now.

I didn't want to confront her tonight, but it feels like she's evading my questions on purpose. I don't want to be kept on the back burner per se. It is relieving to be able to talk to her again but I'm mostly still as confused as ever. We'll see where this goes... I think it could realistically go either way.

To the original question: Yes, it is possible to fall in love over the internet (or phone, or what have you). I met my (recent) ex through an online game, and I knew we had something within about a month. When I finally did meet her, the sparks flew almost instantly and we were completely comfortable with each other within minutes of being alone together.

Now, the thing I can't tell you, and the thing I think you're probably wondering, is whether what you have is love. That's a question only you can answer. But I'd say give it a chance. I wouldn't have traded my last (long distance) relationship for the world.

Well, it's slowly getting less torturous to deal with. I'm trying to accept the fact that this is it at this point and that even if it's not, it's not within my control, she will have to come to me. I was able to at least sleep a few hours last night (the night before I wasn't able to sleep at all).

I've been fighting with myself as to whether I should remove her from my Yahoo buddy list. I don't want to block her as I want to keep the lines open if she wants to use them, but seeing her on there gets difficult sometimes. I think I probably will delete her eventually but right now it would be too painful. What do you guys think, am I just making things difficult on myself?

I never really thought I would be here, posting anonymously under an alternate nick to a forum I've never been to before. But I think you guys have been very helpful. It's nice to be able to spill your guts somewhere; it makes losing her slightly less lonely. Thanks.

Thanks, and I hope it's a temporary thing too, though the more I think about it the more I wonder that even if it is to do with her mental state, that it still could be permanent. I just wish she would let me in.

The day before she sent the message she said that her mother had suggested we go to counselling when I get there; at the time I was confused because I didn't see any problem with the relationship but looking back I probably should have asked how that came up... But at the time, she also said she didn't think we needed it.

God, I wish I could just stop going through everything in my head over and over. It's not going to do anything for me but I can't help it. There's so much I think of that I want to say to her, to ask her, but I know I shouldn't until (and if) she contacts me. I hope she does, and does soon though.

Unfortunately, I know for a fact she doesn't take it as well as I do. I'm not deluding myself on that one. For all I say about how we can get through this it might just be that she can't... which is also pretty depressing.

Hi guys. I've never been here before but this has been one of the most trying times of my life and I guess it just makes it somewhat less painful to talk about it.

I met my girlfriend in an online game we both played a little less than two years ago. We fell for each other pretty quickly once we started talking and about six months in I bought a plane ticket to come see her. I live in Canada, she lives in the States. The three weeks I spent with her were some of the happiest days of my life, and other trips have been much the same (I believe there have been around six or seven now, half each way, each about a month long; I work my job over the internet so I'm able to sustain myself). We otherwise keep in contact through IMs and phone, usually a few times a day. I'm finishing up a computer programming course here but we've always managed to be able to see each other at least every few months; the longest we've been apart is around four and that was very trying for both of us.

She has been dealing with major depression issues since far before she met me. I've known about these the entire time and all I've ever wanted to do is help her through them. Recently, though, she's been crying for no reason and has recently switched her antidepressants. For weeks since she came here (about a month ago) I've been working and waiting for my paycheck to come through etc., and she has kept telling me that she couldn't wait for me to fly down there (as this was the plan all along). Yesterday, though, when I saw her login and said hi, she said she wanted to break up because she wanted to focus on her mental health right now, and thought that our relationship was a small part of the problem. She said it would probably be better if we didn't contact each other at all again after that message, to which I said that it wasn't fair of her to be doing this now, in her state of mind, especially considering that the exact same thing happened the last time she changed her meds (which she acknowledged was because of the way she was feeling at the time).

I love her so much. I'm giving her the space she needs, and I know that she may not actually contact me again. But this is insanely frustrating and painful to me. There was no indication at all that she thought things were going sour; up until about two days prior to the break up message she was saying that she couldn't wait for my check to go through so I could come be with her. And as I said before, this exact same thing happened a few months back, though then she called me two days later and got back together. So I don't know whether it's a temporary thing due to her meds, or whether as she said on the phone after that message that "she loves me but isn't sure whether she's in love with me". And what if it is better for her mental health not to be with me? I don't think that would help her depression much to be honest, but I guess that's not for me to say.

I don't know. The only thing I can do right now is wait and let her come to me if she's going to do that. It's just painful and frustrating. I'm not afraid to say I would do anything to have her back. Whenever we are actually together, we're both very happy. I just hope that this is a temporary thing and she does still love me.