JeffDenver

Thanks for the advice. As far as friends I really don't have any, she never allowed it. When I did have friends it would end up in a big argument... she would always tell me her father never needed friends... God how I hate being compared to other people in her family! The biggest issue I am dealing with is that I like her family and I think they would think badly about her since this would be her second divorce. She is also 53 and never held a job for more than a month or so... I also hate hurting people... with my childhood I always had to put others well being ahead of my own. I think the hardest part would be to actually tell her... I know that she will start crying... I hate to see people cry... In arguments I tell her that I want a divorce and that I don't love her... she will usually just chalk it up to being mad. The first step will be very hard on me. It may sound a little weird but I also think I see her as an authority figure like maybe a mother and she will get mad at me... sounds stupid but it's how I feel sometimes.

I have been married for 17 years and I need out before I go crazy! I married when I was 22 to a woman 13 years older. We have 3 children 15, 15 and 16. I married a few months after my dad died and after we were married for about a year mom committed suicide. I was raised in a very abusive situation where both parents were alcoholics. I'm not sure that I ever loved my wife; I think I was looking for something stable after 22 years of hell. My dad did some unforgivable things to a couple girls that I ended turning him in for. I never told my wife about this since he was dead and couldn't cause any more harm. After a few months I ended up telling her, I assumed that when you marry someone you should be able to confide in them about anything. Well she told me that she would have never married me if she new. She said that we have a baby on the way; like I was the one that did these things. She then suggested that I have his genes. Since then most arguments she brings up my dad was a pedophile; my mom was a whor* and my whole family is nothing but drunks. Everyday she makes little comments like "were not drunks like your parents". She has told me that if I leave that I can expect to find my moms ashes in the front yard and everything of mine in the house destroyed. She has also said that if I were to leave she would tell everyone in her family about my dad and say I was doing the same. She has pulled a knife on me a few times and has even put my kids on the front steps in the middle of the night when they were little so that I would come home. On a daily basis she will always compare me to other men in her family that I hate. Sex life is non existent for 4 years now. I can never bring myself to say I love her. I'm not attracted to her anymore. She has let her hair go 100% gray, never wears makeup and weighs 220+. The biggest thing that she looks a lot older than I do (I look a lot younger than my age). People have confused me for her son when we go places. I don't love her at all, I have never been able to confide in her about anything in fear she will use it in future arguments or belittle anything I say. She doesn't clean at all or cook. Either I cook or we go out to eat. She is very unsociable with people, anything that requires interaction with people I have to do. She will not go to school functions for the kids, take them to the doctors or even go grocery shopping. My kids ask me why I stay with her and I really don't know?? She is almost 53 now and never has worked; if I were to leave what would she do?? We really don't have much; we filed for BK last year. We don't own a house and nothing in any type of savings. I make good money but really don't have much. We lease a house that I plan on buying next year. My kids say that they would stay with me I was to leave. If I were to ask her to divorce she would destroy everything in the house and make life hell for me. If I could get her to leave the house and never contact us again getting a divorce would be easy but she can become very crazy when pushed. Do I stay with her and put up with it? If I ask for a divorce is there any way to protect the things in the house and to keep her away at a safe distance? Will I have to pay alimony forever? I think I have turned out quite well for the hell I went through as a child. I don't drink at all; I now have a Masters degree and have a very good job. I have been going to counseling for the past year which has helped me see things a lot clearer but I am afraid to do anything. I'm just at a point where I can't take much more and not sure what to do??