OK, here's the deal. I've been married for 10 years, and I have 2 kids. One is 4 years old and one 18 months. My wife and I have a good marriage, a good life, and have dreams of building a dream house on our dream property in 1-2 years. Life is good, except...I had an affair about 9 months ago, which lasted for 4 months. This affair was with my first love from high school. We had dated in school for about a year, and broke up due to what we found out 9 months ago was a misunderstanding. I had often thought about her the past 25 years, and wondered how her life turned out. I'd been looking for an email address or a phone number for her in the local paper for many years, and came accross an email address, and contacted her. She has been married for 22 years, and we basically picked up where we left off, and had an affair. Neither one of us were proud of what we did, and decided that we either needed to stay committed to each other, or to our spouses. She wanted to divorce her husband to be with me, and I wanted to do the same with my wife, but after some debate, I decided to stay with my wife for the sake of my kids. She respected my decision, and told me that if I changed my mind, she would be waiting for me. The 5 months since the affair was stopped, I have recommitted myself to my marriage. I've talked and communicated with my wife (about everything except the affair I had, because she has told me repeatedly in the past that if I ever had an affair, she would divorce me, no questions asked), asked what she needed from me, and I did the same. We have done everything we can to make this marriage great. She now says that she has never felt so close to me as she has the last 5 months. Everything seems to great right? Wrong. For the last 5 months, every 5 minutes, I'm thinking about the woman whom I had the affair with. The passion that her and I have can not be attained by my wife and I. Not in the last 5 months, not the last 5 years, not ever. My wife and I are just not capable of achieving it. There is truly a connection between my ex and I that my wife and I have never attained, and after 11 years, suffice to say will never attain. I contacted my ex girlfriend, for the first time in 5 months, to see how she was doing, and she says she is still waiting for me. She too thinks about me all the time.
My question is: My mind made the decision to break off the affair 5 months ago, yet my heart is still engaged with my ex. What do I do? Continue to live a lie with my wife, or be honest with my wife and end our marriage.
Signed,
In a mess
