Davidk

It IS very simple, I know what I have to do! But it's so hard to let go and hurt someone. I tried so many times in person but she wouldn't let me. Those tears were genuine, I know they were. But I have to do this for both our sakes. You are probably right. I couldn't answer the phone today and I could hear the fear in her voicemail. I have to do this by phone. I have been dumped by email before and it is so cold heartless. I cannot do what someone else did to me. I must try by phone. I honestly can't email this, I cannot be so cruel and heartless. If I cannot do this by phone, I will try the email. Unfortunately, you just found my biggest problem. I have never been able to believe in myself, but I have to try now. Thank you so much, I really appreciate all the excellent, kind advice.

You are so right. I wil try tonight. Again, I can't argue with that. I honestly don't think that is the case. I didn't answer her call on Saturday and she left me a message on my phone today which asked me what time we are talking today. She must be getting some sick bit of fun from all this because she doesn't seem to want to end this relationship. I'm not trying to disagree, I'm just stating what she seems to want. Yes, I will try tonight. It's really not as simple as it sounds when emotions are so strong. Yes, you are right, thank you so much for your kind advice. I will try tonight. But if she gets upset and starts crying, I will end up giving in. I have tried before and it hurts to see her so upset. I admit, I'm weak but I will try my best. I really appreciate all the excellent advice.

Thank you Bethany. You are 100% correct. I'm struggling with the fact that someone could have loved me for who I am and has now changed towards me. I now feel like I have nothing to offer anyone and nobody would want me. It helped my confidence that someone could genuinely care for me as a person. And it helped her confidence that I genuinely cared for her. We both found it incredible that we cared so much about it each other and it was because we genuinely cared, not because we wanted to be a couple. But I suppose deep down, it was more than friendship. I know I have to walk away and I will do that as soon as I am strong enough. We just became too close to remain friends. Yes, she has her husband. When I told her she had her husband, her answer was that I'm her best friend and she needs a best friend in her life. Her husband should be her best friend, not me. And if he isn't, they need to work on becoming best friends. Thanks Bethany, I appreciate your advice, I really do. I know what I have to do, I just need to be strong enough to do it.

Oh, I know that. That's why the post is called "In love with a married woman" She has my business number, I am unable to change that. But if I tell her not to contact me, she would have to much pride to call me again. I think that is what I need to do. Very true, thank you for your advice. I think that is a little unfair. If I didn't have principles, I would have reacted to the 3 times she told me she was having the "wrong feelings" for me. Instead, I told her to work on her marriage and talk with her husband about their problems. She has never said she wanted to end her marriage and she never would. I have never suggested she leaves him and have encouraged her to work on her marriage. She is much stronger than me, she seems to be handling things much better than I am. This started off as 2 friends who shared everything with each other. There is a very fine line and unfortunately, the line was crossed. I am respecting her marriage and trying to get on with my life. I am not telling her I love her but she tells me at the end of every conversation. I always reply "I love you too" but I never offer those words, she does and I am unable to not respond. We have gone from emailing all day and talking many times a day to emailing 2 or 3 times a week (and the emails are a few lines and contain no warmth) and talking 4 or 5 times a week. Things have changed so much and this is really affecting me. Yet I never tell her how I am hurting and I never put any pressure on her. I tell her to work on her marriage and tell her to spend more time with her husband. It's just so hard after I travelled half way round the world (she was begging me to visit, we both wanted to see each other) to meet my closest friend and we are now different people with each other. I know I have to walk away for both our sakes. But it's so hard. Neither of us ever thought about the damage it could cause her marriage, maybe we were both too nieve (sp). I know I deserve no sympathy and appear to just be someone who is trying to steal a married woman but that is not the case. We both unknowingly got involved in an emotional affair. And it is so hard to get out of this situation. I would not allow her to ever leave her husband for me, I am just going through a tough time accepting everything. Thank you all for allowing me to get these things off my chest, it's been a really tough month for me.

I really appreciate your excellent advice. It's just so hard to put myself first as I always think of others. I now realise I have to end this friendship, I just need to find the strength. She has helped me so much, given me more confidence and self esteem than anyone else so it works both ways. Our friendship was so important to us both but I must end it somehow. I will also have to leave the diet forum, hurting 4 other great friends. It's going to be tough. Thank you so much, I really appreciate everything.

You mean that isn't possible?? I understand what you are saying. I was asking her why she needed me, she has her husband. Her answer was that her husband doesn't give her the confidence I do. Why so I feel used all of a sudden! So I just tell her that we can't be friends anymore?

I understand and I'm sorry. I just want things back to how there were before I visited. But they can never be like that again, she needs to put all that energy into her marriage. It's hard to leave someone after they begged you not to. But it would be best for both of us. I need to get the strength to do this somehow. It was a diet forum. I have been helping her get in shape.

Yes, you are 100% correct. We became so close that I started to always put her before me. Should I tell her that I think we shouldn't have any contact? I really appreciate all this excellent advice. I'm just so confused at the moment.

Her marriage is stronger now. They were having problems for a year or so, but she never told me! When I went there, he realised he was neglecting her and things are so much better for them. But yes, I made things hard for them being there and that really made me feel terrible. I would never have visited if I knew there would be any problems or if I knew they had marriage issues. I think the change in our relationship is what is causing me problems. I went to visit a close friend, not a potential partner. I just can't do that to someone. I have offered to leave and I would do that for her. But she begged me to never leave her as a friend. I was there when she cried, talking about friends that have left her in the past. She told me it would be so much worse if I left. How can I hurt someone that way? I couldn't agree more. But it's so hard

I honestly think she was too innocent to realise what she was doing. I can't see her ever hurting anyone on purpose. I really don't know. I think she is genuinely confused. I can't imagine her ever meaning to hurt anyone, I know her very well. I don't think she is capable of intentionally hurting anyone. That is excellent advice. Why can't I see that? She isn't the person I thought she was, she was so cold to me the last few days I was there. Very heartless in fact. Why is love so blind?

Is it possible to take a step back when she insists on talking almost everyday? That's why I'm so confused. I have encouraged her to talk more about things that are bothering her and tell him when things are wrong. I have also advised him to pay her more attention and listen more. They seem so much closer now and he is much happier, I am really trying but it's so hard. I am trying, I really am. I know I need to move on. I totally understand that. He is a good man. I always advise her to talk to him. When he was feeling jealous, she was upset with him. I advised her to be calm and understanding with him. They are so much happier but when she talks to me about things, I can tell she isn't really happy. She would never leave her husband, it would go against her religeous beliefs. We have never discussed being together, but we have both admitted we have had feeling before about each other. We discussed being in control of our feelings and never letting those feelings take over again. But she realised 2 days before I left that she was having the wrong feelings and changed our whole relationship. I can totally understand that, I just can't handle the change in our relationship, even though I understand why it had to change. I am so torn up inside. She wants to stay best friends and keep the parts of our relationship that suit her. Talking everyday is so hard. It's killing me! I am trying to deal with it but it's so painful. I want our closeness back more than anything, it's so hard when she is so loving one day, then so cold the next day. Thank you all for your kind words. This is such a hard situation. We became very close friends and started to get too close. A sexual relationship was never an option, neither of us would ever let that happen. But I'm hurting so much because I flew round the world to visit my best friend and now things are so different. I haven't told her how I am feeling and I am trying to help her fix the problems in their relationship. I don't want to ruin their marriage, it's just so painful at the moment. Can we stay friends after being so close? Its really hard.

Hi guys, I just can't get over this depression and I was hoping that talking here might help. I met my best friend online about 18 months ago on a health forum. She lives in Idaho and is married, I am single and live in Ireland. We had been talking on the forum for about 6 months when we exchanged email adresses. Since then, we began emailing everyday. We would email all day and became closer and closer. Then about 6 months ago, we started talking on the phone. We became very close friends, telling each other everything, etc. She told me she loved me (as a friend) and thought about me all the time. (I would tell her I loved her too). She also told me she was closer to me than her husband. Again, this was as friends. Her husband was happy that she had a close friend. She (and her husband) invited me to visit the USA and I invited her and her husband to the Ireland. There has never been any suggestion of anything sexual and there is no way either of us would even consider that. I said I would try and visit in August and she was so excited. She was going to take 2 weeks off to spend with me. We couldn't wait to see each other and were planning my visit for months. We couldn't wait to see each other. I visited last month and we had lots of kisses (on the cheek) and cuddles at the airport. It was great!! I met her husband a few hours later and he seemed uncomfortable. A few days later, she told me her husband was unhappy and jealous. I spoke to him and reasurred him we were only friends. There has never been anything sexual in our relationship and there never would be. Things seemed better and we enjoyed the next few days. Then her husband told her he was unhappy she was off work!! So again, our time together was spoilt. I offered to disappear from her life to make things better for her but she would cry and beg me not to leave her. We all were getting along better at the end of the week and we all spent my final weekend together in California. But the day before I left, she told me she felt guilty and she was going to stop emailing me, talk less, etc when I got back. This really hurt and I felt used. When we were together, she started falling for me. That was why she had to change things. Since we got back, we have been different together. She is much less loving, less caring, she has totally changed. Yet she still wants to talk every weekday. Sometimes, her loving side returns and she can't put the phone down, she tells me she misses me so much and loves me. Is this an emotional affair? Does she still love me? I'm really confused. I know I should back off but I promised to never leave her. Should I ask for none contact? I just want our close friendship back. Is that possible?? I just miss her so much.