looser1

I know that im not perfect, and I also know that she is more sensitave than the average person and it takes a lot less to upset and scare her. I am the furthest thing from perfect, were talking about a girl who is afraid of a guy she works with just because he is loud and boistress at work which he has to be. To answear your question I fell for her because she was the opposite of my ex wife who only cared about herself and what she wanted, not because I felt she needed help or rescuing. The fact that she took care of her mom told me she wasnt just about herself like the ex was.

Read the tro and the charges on it and I know why shes upset and afraid and filed the papers. I told her that she needs to stop worrying every time her mom gets angry because in twenty years or so she'll be in her forties and all alone and than what is she gonna do if her mom dies, is she gonna ask them to bury her in the hole with her so that she can stay next to her. I know it was a stupid and hurtfull thing to say and that is why I appologized to her not even two minutes later. Reading it I relize that she hears things but does not fully comprehend them. I had been separated for four months when we started dating and I had put in my divorce papers in January. I told her first thing that i had been married and put in the papers and that i just had to finalize it in six months, she wrote that I lied because I told her two weeks ago that I had gone downtown to the court house and she thinks I just started the divorce. I know relize more than ever that we had a seriouse communication problem. She saw me on Monday at work and started shaking really bad and said she was scared of me and it hurt me so much, I told her that to see her that way was killing me and I felt like dying for causeing her that much pain and hurt and she thought I was gonna kill my self which is not what I had in mind at all, that was my fault for the choice of words and I tried calling her right away when she left to straighten it out but she had gone to the police and told them that I was gonna kill myself. The police came to my house and checked on me and asked me about it and I explained it to them and they said o.k. One of the officers was a female so I thought I was gone but she listened really well and agreed with her partner and thought that I was o.k. They also asked me about the statement and I told them what I said and that I had no intention of ever hurting her or her mom. It wasnt until I called her brother that she filed the papers and now I know Im guilty until proven innocent, I even had to sell all firearms or turn them into the police even though she never says that i thretened her or harmed her which is something that i would and never will do. So now I know that I am also gonna loose my job because her boss is related to a lot of top people in my company and a cop at my location. The way she went about things from sat till mon night reminded me of my ex-wife and how she did things and it did make me mad and I know that I projected the one expierience into the new one and I let my emotions run me for that monday. I still do not sleep all that much because when I do I see her shaking like she was and it tears me apart. I might go see a shrink about all of this but I need to find one that is cheap and confidential so that it cant be used against me when i apply for jobs. I know I probably sound like a monster but this is not true, I know I should have kept my mouth shut on sat. especially since I had been up for over 36 hours strait and had only 4 hours of sleep in 3 days.

Like I said though I would never hit the person unless they came after me with a kitchen knife or a weapon that would cause great bodily harm or death to me. That said I also know that it is not good to yell and scream which I have never done at her (girlfriend), the ex wife a lot of time it was mutual yelling but bless her heart she also didnt yell a lot and I have to give her that credit. My philosophy has allways been its better to break something like a door or remote versus the thing (spouse) that cant be replaced. I am also upfront about this before I start a relationship. As far as mentioning what I have done for her it was not for the intent to make me look like a nice guy but to lay down the groundwork that I was not trying to control, manipulate, or tear her down and make her submisive. When ever we went out I allways asked her what she wanted and thats were we went. A litte background on her is that she has very little money and cant even afford the basic neccesities in life because she goes to school, can only work part time and is getting herself into a lot of credit card debt. When I helped her out I was only thinking that I wanted to help make her life easier. As far as feeling that I wanted to rescue her I had no idea going in how her life really was, we were friends for three years before dating. I see a lot of strength in her to do all that she does but she doesnt see that in her self and I tried to allways point that out to her and encourage her. I allways tried to point out her strong qualities to her and help her build apon them. I did try and tell her that I love her at least three or four times a day. I didnt get upset at her mom but my frustration was with her being beaten down by her mom and her getting depressed and discouraged by her when ever they talked. It hurt me to see her change in attitude when ever that happened. I know that I have lost her and that is sad because I really did care about her and she will allways have a special place in my heart because she is a special person but what attracted me to her was that she is such a sweet person. I know that she is very sensitave and now I found out today how much control her mom has over her. I have allways tried to be aware of the mental abuse that her mom places on her by holding her hostage with her condition and not taking her medicines and making her wait on her hand and foot, but her mom convinced her to file a tro on me today and apply for a domestic violence restraining order on me even though i have never done anything to either of them. I found out that her mom got upset because after our little argument I called her brother and told him it was my fault and that I screwed up and that I was concerened about her and asked him to check on her to make sure she was o.k. because I didnt want to upset her and I wanted to give her a week or two of space to relax and unwind. This upset her mom and she filed today and had me served, now Im in the system over an argument and I know that I am guilty until proven inoccent.

I did tell my exwife that i did make a lot of mistakes maybe even not paying enough attention to her, she did get mad at me because i did get really mad at her one time that she went out before i knew that she was cheating, she went to a street party and said shed be home by 1100 when i hadnt seen or heard from her by midnight and than i saw that there were fights and people getting impaled with things i kept trying to call her and she said i was controlling her but she didnt understand that i was angry because i was concerend about her and that i thought it was pretty bad that she didnt call when late and made me worry all night, she came home at 300 in the morining. i just had a break up with my girlfriend and it became very messy. I told her that if she didnt learn to grow from her mom that in twenty years that she would be old and lonely and what would she do when her mom died, ask to be buried with her so that she could be next to her. as soon as i said it i knew that it was wrong but it was on her voicemail. she thought that i wanted her and her mom to die and that was not at all what i wanted it to be, when we talked that night she started shaking really bad and told me that she was scared of me an i told her that it was killing me to see her like that and that i never wanted to hurt her or make her feel that way, she thought i was going to kill myself ( i wasnt). i left her alone and two days later when things had calmed down i wrote her a letter that i explained that i was at fault and took responsibility for my actions and comments and that i understood why she didnt want to see me anymore. i told her that she has nothing to fear from me that i would never hurt her or her mom all that i asked of her was to one day to please forgive me for my actions and that i hoped that she has a good life and finds all of the success that she wishes for. can i get any comments on this?

I am a white male and i have been doing a lot of reading lately, one of the things that i read was the looser article posted here. I know that I am not perfect but when I read this I realized that I have some of these traits. I did grow up in some very violent homes and neighborhoods. I have also been previously married and now divorced, my wife was taiwanese. I do not attach to a lot of people and I have a lot of aquantices and few friends, this is out of my lack of trust for a lot of people and my friends that I keep are very close and we would do anything to help each other out. I watched my Mom and Stepdads beat the hell out of each other and seen a lot of other couples fight, I even saw a mother beat her 5 year old daughter to death when I was 5 myself. I let my wife go out with her friends from work and school to clubs and bars. She started coming home later and later and I found out that she was cheating but I never did anything to hurt or harm her. We did fight and argue but nothing ever physical, most of the time I would go out and take a walk to calm down and let things cool off. I have allways vowed that I would never hit my wife or girlfriend but if I got mad enough than I would hit a door or wall or something that would have no feelings. I have been going out with a phillipina for the last six months and I have been very supportive of her school and career goals. She is very quiet and shy and I have been trying to encourage her to be more secure and confident in her day to day life. She has a very controlling mother who controls every little move that she makes. We can go out and have a good day and than she calls her mother to let her know that she is coming home and her mother gets mad at her and her mood changes, it really frustrated me and once in awhile i told her she needed to let her mom get angry and let it blow over so that she would relize that not beeing in control was so bad. We had an argument and it became more than it should, I told her that i felt like we are in the third grade and that really upset her. She takes care of her mother who has had two strokes and that is one of the reasons that I fell in love with her because I knew that she was a caring person. According to the article you would have to be perfect to not be considered a looser. For me I can fall in love with some one in about a month or so and I do have a bit of a temper, but that is mostly when Im driving or when I am very tired. I did a lot for her but I never held it over her head or requested that she do a * * * for tat kind of thing. I do have a hard time letting go but I usually take that back to not having much and also for the fact that those that I let close I give my all to. I used to sleep in my car to meet the schedule that her mom would let her out of the house to go out and I helped buy a lot of day to day neccecities that she couldnt afford with out even the slight feeling that I wanted any form of gratitude or repayment but out of love. She is very sheltered and very sensitive so she has said that she is affraid to tell me things but I know that I would never do any thing to hurt or harm her. I know that I am not perfect, she told me she is scared of me because I had to slam on the breaks to avoid an accident and I yelled at the driver in front of me and flipped him off. When I drive I am a different person than when Im not, I am more impatient I want to get to where I am going and not dilly dally. I never once laid a hand on my ex wife even when I caught her cheating and lying. She used to go through my phone, computer, email etc.. but I never did this to her since I trusted her, so my question is does a person who really cares and gives his all but has a small temper but will never do any harm to his loved one really that big of a looser and if so how can he change.