monsieur

I have been friendzoned.... I am extremely attracted to this woman. She is a model and absolutely stunningly beautiful (I really love her personality too, don't get me wrong). When we walk down the street together I can see guys with that look of how lucky I am, but they don't realize it is just a 'friends' relationship. I am head over heels for this girl, and even when I fantasize she is the ONLY woman I ever think of for many many months now. I think about her all day every day, she is a good friend in the meantime, but my heart is dying just waiting with the hope that her heart will eventually open for me. I fear that in 5 years I will still be in the same boat, my heart aching daily needing more, but not getting it, but not wanting anything else instead....... Life is so cruel sometimes.

good points Ailec, but many of us wear our hearts on our sleeves, and being in love becomes an obsession no matter what we do, our emotions for love are so strong that when we fall for someone it affects everything

I don't know why it is but women seem to take offence when they find out a guy friend 'likes' them, whereas guys would find it to be a compliment and a good thing. I've seen it many times, the guy wants a deeper connection (I'm not talking sex, just a deeper loving connection) and instead the woman backs away and gives the guy even less of a connection that they shared before.

Drives me crazy.

The more I start to care for a girl friend of mine, the more it becomes natural that I would want to nurture and hold and cuddle her, it just follows naturally.

thanks for the advice, unfortunately doing it the right way often eludes us due to our emotions

all I can see by pulling back would be losing her completely, I know, that is a symptom of what is driving my neediness, it is like a catch22 where being myself and true to my feelings is only going to result in hurting myself and my feelings

The problem is, I've had a number of serious girlfriends in my life, but this girl is so special to me, that is why I overreacted and ended up turning her off with too much neediness and scared her a bit I think. She is the one for me, so I don't even want to think of "the next girl". I can't stop thinking about her 24 hours a day, I just wish I hadn't screwed things up along the way, as repairing something is so much harder than not screwing it up in the first place.

Yeah, I find it really frustrating when a girl I met is really into me at first, but then somehow my insecure personality or something ends up losing her, so I am then left 'scrambling' wondering how I can get her back to the "really into me" stage again.... it seems almost like women have a 'light switch' that they can instantly put you in friendzone or non-boyfriend zone on a whim and it seems so damn hard to turn that switch back the other way when that happens.

How can they go from being so into you at the start to completely repulsed by the idea of intimacy the next week, like they have made you their brother or something.

I dunno, I'm the male equivalent of the type of stuff you say you are feeling..... I wish girls wouldn't put up with guys that treat them bad like that. I would never ever miss calling a girl, or emailing, and I would be watching the phone for her to call all the time if I really cared about her.

Rewarding inattentive guys like that is a part of the big problem. It would make for much better secure relationships if both parties acted like they actually cared and needed the other person. Seems like so many people treat it all like a big game where you have to be the indifferent one and drive the other person crazy.

I'm in the same boat, I am in internal turmoil all day waiting for the next call or whatever. I wish she cared as much as I do.

Say you made so many of the classic mistakes in a new relationship with a girl.... example, being way too insecure, needy, clingy, all that kind of stuff, and it has resulted in being seen as weak and pushed away or into friendzone.... now that I have analyzed it over and over I can see many major mistakes I made that I shouldn't have, which has resulted in the girl not seeing me in the desirable boyfriend light.... how can I repair the mistakes that I made and get back in? I guess it is probably going to be a slow process, but when you are pushed away it is hard to push back in without being pushy (or appearing needy insecure etc.)

Arggh I am so pissed off at myself for ruining things with this girl, I am crushed inside 24 hours a day and I need to win her heart somehow. I'm worried that it will take years and in the end I will be left abused and miserable.

I agree, it makes no sense. They could have the guy that cares so much for them and thinks about them 24 hours a day and waits by the phone to hear from them and really LIVES for them... instead they put you in friendzone and go after someone else that couldn't care less about them.. .then they wonder why they end up cheated on or treated poorly or whatever.

Drives me crazy.

great post pos69sum

you said so much of what I think and go through all the time

it seems like when I try to show a girl that I like her I lose her every time, or get the 'friends' thing, yet I know I am attractive because I get their interest in the first place, but my 'game' is zero, and like you I can't even think of following those 'game' guides, that depresses me too.... I don't want to get into playing games, why can't 2 people just like each other and be straight up about it, women seem to want to be played, I hate it

but if you ask them they say they don't, but then nearly all of them end up with a player at least once in their lives

yeah, that has a lot of truth, all we need are "scraps" to keep us hooked to the idea, the one we "love" could ignore us for days and then one call and we are back in 100% in our minds. I go through anguish almost every day because of my feelings of "love" or need or whatever you want to call it.

I agree with you completely.

Doesn't it suck that it has to be like a game? I hate that. I wish everyone could just be equally in love and not have to play around, I am so weak inside that I am ill equipped for this game.

yeah, some people might say we should develop a thicker skin, but I don't want to develop a thick skin, I want to be loved

right now my heart is in turmoil because I called her and she didn't answer, but she had emailed me earlier today, I go through this every day it seems, she doesn't care about me anywhere close to as much as I care about her, but I don't know how I can change that

The thing that makes it worse too is that I always seem to fall hard for the girl that is a little bit indifferent and doesn't work that hard in the relationship, sometimes doesn't call back or misses a day in emailing or whatever. I told her before that it really hurts me when she misses emailing me or something and she got pissed off at me thinking I was way too sensitive.

I can't help it though, not hearing from her for even half a day puts me into a major depression, but the instant she contacts me I am instantly happy again, my moods put me on a roller coaster ride whenever I am in a relationship or hoping for a relationship.

You know what I mean. Those of us that need constant reassurance. Those of us that watch the phone and jump when it rings hoping it is the one we are needy for. Those of us that when we like someone we can't think about much else but that person. Those of us that have to fight the urge to turn off the one we like by being too persistent or needy. We put ourselves through mental torture all day long.

I guess the best would be if we fell for someone equally needy, but it never seems to happen like that.

I sure hope it is possible. Unfortunately one person usually falls in love before the other, which can create problems. Hopefully the one in love can win the other over with consistent caring and loving thoughts.

I think holding hands is very intimate. Its saying...i'm with this person and i give my body and soul to him or her. I'm kind of old fashioned. I believe two people shouldnt hold hands until they are exclusive.

I was worried about that. Now I am even more intimidated by the concept.

thanks for the thoughtful replies, and I will probably reread your posts a few times as I do alot of thinking all the time anyway

yikes, your post gave me chills, I have to read it again and meditate on it a bit, I'm already pretty full of anxiety every day because of the uncertainty, reading this has made me feel more mixed up than ever, not sure what I'm feeling. feel sad in a way......

thanks, it puts it into perspective that my decision is not based on delusion and that I know I might be damaged by going with my heart, but to go against my heart would be worse, no?

I feel a little awkward when walking beside a girl on a first few dates or something in public, should I walk a little ahead, a little behind, exactly side by side? It would probably feel way more comfortable if we were holding hands, almost like a first step to actually being called boyfriend and girlfriend, but how can I make the move to hold hands without being too forward. And then once you are holding hands, do you keep holding hands for the rest of the walk, or take breaks? How do you go from walking side by side to feeling comfortable holding hands, way before any first kiss or any of that? or is it better to hook elbows?

you are right logically speaking of course, but when it comes to what you feel in your heart logic doesn't become the course of action we take

I am realistic in the fact it might not happen with us, but it actually doesn't bother me at all that I might miss out on other girls as they really don't matter to me like this one does

thanks PRSOV, there is always hope for a happy ending!

no to making a video or doing a photo shoot

if you did do a video, he might watch it too, but it won't stop him from wanting to watch the porn

Sometimes I will blush when accused of something, even if it is not true, but just because of the accusation, and that can make me look like an idiot, or guilty anyway, even if I am innocent.