monsieur

I know I have avoided girls that I like alot, just because of the nerves thing. Sometimes if I don't feel like I am at my best as far as mood or feeling confident at all, I will get away from the situation. He may actually be crazy about you and it is making him even more nervous.

I know I have been really really attracted to a girl before and would absolutely never get up the guts to approach her or ask her out if I talked to her.

This reminds me of something, I overheard two older ladies talking about a couple, the ladies were in their late 50s I think, and the one lady says "she is so beatiful, why is she wasting her life with that guy"

It was a very pretty woman that was with an average looking guy with an average job, and they were pretty judgemental that she 'deserved' better just based on her looks.

I know exactly where you are coming from. The signs all point to an impending 'train wreck', yet we merrily follow along on our path. I do the same thing, I stick to a faint hope even when evidence points otherwise, and will probably get hurt in the end. Our hearts are weak when it comes to rejection and weak when it comes to being bold enough to protect ourselves.

yeah, it doesn't help when you read someone's story of a date they had, where they say, "it didn't go very well, there was no chemistry, the conversation was stilted, uncomfortable, and forced"....

great moral though, but sometimes if we are too quick to tell of our love it gets taken the wrong way, sometimes a bit of hesitation is a good thing

actually, I always thought that low self esteem comes out of shyness

anyway, thanks for the points, I am not too sure about the honesty part, I guess it is not a bad idea to admit to shyness, but I have found that being too honest about our insecurities is not a good idea in an early stage of a relationship, no matter how understanding everyone is..... spelling out our faults and weaknesses to a potential partner, while it sounds admirable, seems to turn people off

I want a girl to become my world, and I want so much for me to become her world too. Communication is so important to a relationship, reassurance, everything that goes along with it. What is the point of falling in love with someone if they are going to just be 'part-time'... when I am with a girl I fall completely for her, and think of her all day and want to love her with all my heart and soul. I hope to find women that share the same kind of love, it is heartbreaking to fall for a girl like you describe. I've been there. Starts out great, she responds well, every day that passes we get more connected. My heart has so much love to give, I am hoping for someone deserving.

I know what you are saying, it does cut down on the nerves part of it.

But realistically, I'm just not that flamboyant and engaging conversationalist, in small groups I tend to shrink into the background, one on one I get blank very often and silence ensues. It is unfortunate, because I see that talking is the most important skill necessary to get a fulfilling relationship started, and those that are completely confident, comfortable, and funny are waaayyy ahead.

At my very best I am completely inept on the humor ability, I don't think I can ever get a date to laugh if I even tried.

That pretty much sums up most conversations I am in on a date, it's no wonder that I don't have success with any girl I really want. Is there ever hope for those of us that are just nervous, anxious, and bad conversationalists? I've been like this for decades, and it actually seems to be getting worse not better as I get more defeated and withdrawn. Any rejection at all just about drives me right under for a long long time.

A girl could be totally attracted and crazy about me at first sight and even after a short talk sometimes, but once we date once or twice it is rapidly downhill from there. Friendzone is the best I can achieve with a girl I really want.

My long term relationships in the past were with girls that came on to me hard and I just went with the flow, but anytime I have really wanted and been attracted to a girl, it is always failure.

I'm starting to believe some of us were just meant to be unhappy and unfulfilled in life.

I'm not really concerned about what 'the world' thinks. We live in a very big city and never run accross anyone that knows us when we go on walks. We are both single too, so it is not like we would be offending anyone but maybe ourselves.

I agree with you on the intimate thing.

thanks so much, you are a sweetheart

hosswhispra: you think like I do

obviously if there was absolutely no possible attraction, like if one found the other ugly or unappealing, then it might be repulsive,

but if both are very attractive people, I am thinking that the handholding could be a kind of a catalyst to feel a spark

sort of like an easing in to a concept that might before seem awkward but once in might start to feel more comfortable

So if we were walking along window shopping some evening, would I be a fool to just blurt out 'hey, lets try holding hands just to see what its like, for fun kind of, please, just to try it?'

thanks for the reply, silky.... that is the nice thing about this forum, I can get feedback on something before I do something stupid

so we agree that it should be up to the girl to do something subtle to let the guy know that her feelings are changing, I am confused about the whole subtleness thing, I would assume the girl might hold back a bit too because of awkwardness..... so it is hard to get both to move forward at the same time

complicated issue that is for sure, I always wonder how often I should remind her that I care so much, or that my strong feelings are getting even stronger, would a subtle joking around kind of comment be a good tact? maybe every few months?

Question to the girls, if a guy friend that you had that you were only friends with, but you knew that he wanted more, asked you to hold hands with him while walking down the street 'just to try it', would you? or would you get pissed off at the question? even knowing that he might be hopeful that the hand holding connection might start a tiny little spark somewhere deep in your heart?

stress reaction, I've heard of that before

makes sense, and good to know that having a bit of a 'script' is not a bad thing

so say you get up the guts to do the "Hi, my names monsieur" thing, and she actually smiles at you and says 'hi, I'm Julie'.... what next?.... I have images of sudden brain freeze and silence and no thoughts or words at all popping in my mind, and fear taking over and walking away quickly looking like a dork....

Lunabelle: that is interesting to hear... so if you were into a guy or the guy had a shot with you at the least anyway, is it possible that you would not email or call him for a day or two just because you were feeling down at the time? or anyone else that would like to answer that?

I find it hard to understand because my depression rises and falls based on communication.... if I go a day without at least email or texting from a girl I am thinking about, I get really depressed, but it is instantly cured when I do get an email or something..... it amuses me a bit to think about it, because it works like that so well, it makes my emotions so damn vulnerable though, I am weak

Don't forget that that blood chemistry will change in a few days and the initial response can be totally contrary to her actual feelings.

that is exactly my reasoning though, I don't want to pick the 'bad day' and get the 'initial response ... contrary to her actual feelings'. I want a day when her actual feelings are not being clouded by anxiety or stress or feelings of not wanting intimacy.

If I come pour out my soul I don't want it to be at a time when her mood might be less receptive and take it the wrong way perhaps, just because she is on edge that day.

It's not a case of 'find a day when she is weak and vulnerable and trick her into something she doesn't want'... more just 'find a day where she is feeling good about herself and relationships' and hope to go from there on a good note

I am much better on text or email then on the phone, I get flustered too easily when talking and my mind will actually go completely blank, and silence will ensue and I can't even put a thought together, and then nerves get to me because of it..... with texting and emailing at least I can relax and think about what I want to say and edit and make it perfect to get accross my points so much better. The thought of phone calls mostly scares me.

thanks, and actually I hardly say a word back on the topic to her, she is the one that brings it up and actually goes on a bit about it

thanks for the advice though, I will definitely tread lightly if at all

and I will wait until after her 'pms' time and a little bit longer before making any 'bold moves'

thanks again

ok thanks

actually she makes that part of it easy for me, because she is very open about it, she told me that she is pms-ing the last couple of days and that her period is coming this week... that is what got me thinking of it in the first place

and your post answered something very important, you said just before that you would not be interested in relationships or men or anything.... .so this confirms what I thought.... if I tried a huge move at this point I am likely to fail and ruin everything

thanks lgirl, that is great information

so the TLC part during menstruation, if you are single and a guy you like is there for you at this time, and does something heartwarming, would you feel that there would be a better chance that he would touch your heart at this time? or no difference?

thanks

and carnelian, I don't think it is manipulative at all..... you make it sound like the woman is hopeless to her hormones that if timed right it is foolproof not to fail

well, the reality is, this is so important to me I just want everything to be perfect for the best chance..... .we've all had those kinds of days where if your mood is not perfect you might feel more rude or less friendly etc...... so what is wrong with trying to make sure every possible thing is right for the mood? this is very very important life changing stuff, if I make a move and fail, even if it is just because the day I chose she was in a grumpy mood, then that failure will carry over forever..... conversely, if I make a move on a day that she is in a positive mood and open and friendly feeling inside, and I get 'in' just a little bit more, this can carry over to better things and would be a start to something great