Greetings everyone!
I am in SERIOUS need of advice. I dont know if this the result of normal marriage adjustments, cultural barriers, language barriers, or the long distance getting to us. He speaks english perfectly fine but I wonder if he hears it in the same context as I do with the native ear.
I have been married for just under 2 months and my husband and I continually bring up divorce. I need to know if these are common problems couples face in the early stages of marriage. I know marriage is difficult in the beginning because your mentality shifts from "me" to "us"...I just hope this is normal for my marriage.
1) Jealousy
My husband is really particular about who I talk to. He give methe whole "It's my right as a husband..." rant and it is very annoying. I dont meet with other men, I am friends with an older woman and she has an unmarried son in college(he is my age) and my husband feels uncomfortable if I meet my lady friend because her son lives there too. Now I am also aquainted with her son but in a very innocent and formal way. Also, I have online friends who are just that...friends...simple as that. I speak to them once a week or once every two weeks and he hates it! Even if I am online to check my email or the news ect. he assumes I am talking to another man! He always bothers me or stands over my shoulder ect. Now some of those men had feelings for me but I blocked and deleted them from my buddy list and he knows that. It had been so bad that his friend hacked my email accounts to rummage through past emails(I am often too lazy to delete messeges so I had things from 3 years ago in there!). He claims he had nothing to do with the hacking, but the way he is acting is so suspicious. He even claims he is no longer friends with this man now due to the way he disrespected his wife. Is this a normal trend to go through? Does it get better? does it wear off? How can I deal with it?
2)Ignoring or Dictating my feelings [-X
He has the inability to accept my feelings if they contradict how he feels or if they don't fit his agenda...meaning if I say i feel a certain way about something he said then he says "no dont lie...you just feel blah blah blah because you are trying to blah blah blah" or he says things like "you have been planning this for a long time and thats why you have acted this way so you can build this case" WHICH IS NOT TRUE EVER. It feels like I am not allowed to have a voice. By no means to I submit to this treatment so usually I stubbornly turn my back and sit it out...in which case it just goes under the surface. I hate to do it but I wont settle for him being a dictator of my feelings. If I do it now then it will become a pattern for the rest of our marriage. I refuse to be the silent subservient wife![-(
3)My stuff]
He is still overseas because we are waiting on the visa confirmation, so since I started school again I had to come back to the states and my family. We have been using webcam and chat services to communicate until he can be here. I have an apartment with a roommate now and on the webcam he saw a Buddha statue I have on display...he also saw some souveniers on display I bought abroad. HE HATES THEM. He says he wont live in in a house with them. I am not going to compromise things that reflect my personality just because he doesnt like them. I told him they wont be out in a common area for display, I said I'll keep them in my private area like on my bookcase or office. He still refuses. I said "fine if you dont want to live with them then dont move in with me" I am a woman who bases decision STRONGLY on principle. The principle here is that he wants to control me. I am able to compromise, I tried....but I am the kind of person who, when FORCED to do something, will refuse and usually do the opposite. I dont do it with spite, I do it because I do not want this behavior from him to become habitual. If he says "ok i dont care what you do with it... i love u and ill live with you even if all of hell opens up and swallows your house" then chances are i would give it away or put it in a closet. I just want him to stop being so demanding and bossy about everything...friends, decorations, feelings, ect.
ok, I don't believe it is justice to say all of that about him without explaining that he IS an amazing person. He is soooo sensitive and he is so sweet. If you could see how he acts with his mom and sister then you would never imagine that I described the same husband in the above problems. He is sooo supportive of my education and spiritual growth. When I was visiting him abroad, we spent 24 hours a day together EVERYDAY for 3 months and we never got tired of each other...then we got married and I came home 2 weeks later...since then it has been HELL.
IS IT COMMON FOR NEWLYWEDS TO LOOK AT THE OTHER PERSON AND SAY "DID I REALLY MARRY THIS MAN/WOMAN?"
im not saying that i am perfectly innocent, i know i have done my share to contribute.
PLEASE GIVE ME ADVICE
THANKS EVERYONE!!
