Nathalie1970

Yes, most of the time it is because they need help, but while they get that help, they also try to help others at the same time. It's really a beautiful thing when you think about it.

As we all know, it's easier to give out advice than to take it..lol

I know that I come looking for help and end up trying to help someone else out and it makes me feel better in the long run. Everyone here is looking out for everyone else...

Guys, there is nothing anyone can say or do that will make the pain go away, you just need to feel it and sort through them on a day by day basis.

Be strong and know that you are not alone.

Maybe a better option for Saturday if you want to see the new girl is to go out somewhere public with her- where the temptation of sleeping with her is easier to avoid than if the two of you are snuggled on a couch together in the dark at her house.

 

My code for inviting a guy over for something more in the past was "Come on over and we'll watch a movie." I wonder if she's thinking the same thing.

 

What do you think?

I agree with Hope75, maybe you should go somewhere public. Watching a movie at her house might put temptation right where it shouldn't be.

I think you should heal yourself from within. I think because you feel badly about yourself so you attract people not worthy of you (treat you the way you feel). Your ex bf would have found a way to stay with you no matter what the problem was, if he really wanted to. Your friends and family shouldn't be saying "he gets you", they should be saying what a jerk he was to leave and that you are worth better. I have been to counseling and not one therapist has ever said to me, date more people, they suggest getting over the ex bf somewhat so I can feel better before bringing someone new into my life.

Remember you are worth treating nicely and with respect, there are nice guys out there that will, but you need to know that you are someone special first and foremost.

I know everyone says this but it will get easier. When?? I don't know, but if it's meant to be it will be (yes another cliche). I'm sorry you are hurting right now, but posting your feelings I find helps. So vent away....

should I go watch a dvd with the new girl on saturday?

Yes, I think you should, but I wouldn't sleep with her or anything. Take it slow and be friends until all these feelings for your ex subside. You don't want to be each others rebound person and feel worse if you do work things out with your exes.

Titan, I hate to say it but it looks like she is using you as her fall back guy. She still wants to be friends to ease her guilt over breaking up with you and know that you will be there if things don't work out being single. I say NC, stay friends with the new girl(take it slow) and let her miss you. How can she miss you if she still gets to talk to you and see you???

Someguy11

Getting out of the apt is key, then NC. I have broken NC constantly for the last 2 months, and have beaten myself up on it. Don't worry if you do, there are a lot of great people on this site to help you through it. I am now 4 days NC.

Work is therapy in itself because you are not around her. Good luck with everything and I agree with elektra, post here if you every feel the need to txt msg or email her.

Yippee.......

Keep up the positive attitude, and always remember you are worth it!!!!!!!

I disagree too, DiggityDave.

People on here help other people sort through their feelings and problems, give them advice on what to do or not to do.

I think it was a coincidence, he can't pick his details, but I'm sure he knew at some point he would see me if he was working there. I will try with all my might to break this awful cycle that I seem to be stuck in. He won't be around for me to see, so it will make it easier. Keeping my fingers crossed that I will not see him for awhile, even when he returns.

Curlygirl, I had wondered where you were!!!!

Everybody here is out to support one another, so if one of us screws up no one will judge you, they will give you a shoulder to cry on. (As I have found out) Like Belladonna said, your boyfriend is not worthy of your love and compassion. Be strong and know we will always be here for you.

even if the ex's have no intention to hurt you, hypothetically, don't they still suck?

Yes, they do...

Mark,

I understand what you are going through (Trust me). It is so hard to let go knowing all the feelings are there, but as I have said in my own posts - at some point the heart has to get in line with what the head already knows.

We are all here for you....Chin up

I definitely like the idea of putting the email here on the site rather than sending it to him. I will also keep an eye out for your emails that you might send to your ex.

It's funny, I seem better at giving out good advice than rather than taking it. Go figure....

Yes it does. I drove to work and guess who was doing a detail right outside my office?? The ex bf and he waved. I gave a half a**ed wave back and parked. I came inside and felt sad for the first half hour, but now he is gone and I feel better. He leaves for Maine tomorrow for 4 days. I should be safe from seeing him accidentally around town.

My head knows you're right. It's happened before when we were broken up for 5 months. I tried like heck the first 3 months to get back together (yes sleeping with him, looking after him when he was sick..etc) then found out he had been dating other girls the whole time. It got ugly after that, I went out on about 4 dates with this one guy (the same one he is mad about now) but I wasn't interested in the new guy. The ex bf showed up at my house (2am)and was upset because I had gone out with my girlfriends and said yes to another guy to go out the following weekend. (I really do live in a small town....yuk) Well it ended up with us getting back together that night and he had me call both guys the next day and tell them that I was back with him. Then the next day (after I made the calls) he tells me he wants to take it slow. It was awful and as I read your post I see that it looks like it's all happening again.

He wants me but he doesn't want me and he doesn't want me to be with anyone else.](*,) My heart has to start listening to my head

Yes, the fact that he didn't sleep over hurt me and it is a red flag. Why did he send such a sincere email?? It's all very confusing.....

I don't think you're stupid either Nathalie. I do hope you really mean it to start NC with him though. His response to your letter made me a little wary of him. On top it sounded sincere, but reading between the lines it sounded like he didn't think you were going to stop contact.

 

Regardless, you've gotten your closure, now it's time to truly stop seeing him. Hopefull this time he won't scare the rest of the men in town from wanting to see you. Yes, I do remember you telling us about that. If NC becomes to hard, just remember the negative aspects of him.

 

Good luck to you and stick with NC, really this guy isn't worth your time.

Trust me when I say, I will do everything in my power not to break it this time. I understand why he would think that I wouldn't stick with NC, I keep telling him that I am going to move on then I don't. Hardest thing right now is that my kids just left for florida with their father and I won't have them to distract me. I am going to miss them.

Ray Kay, Thank you for the good thoughts. I think this would all be easier if he didn't feel the same way. It hurts knowing that we both love each other so much but can't be together because of all our problems. I am going to try harder and be stronger this time to follow through with NC

The beauty of the situation and the power of time is that you will reach a point, probably sooner than you think, where you just plain don't care...

I pray that it happens sooner than later.

Well, you got closure and now you can really start the healing process, right? There's nowhere to go now but up...

 

I agree, the first is definitely the hardest, but I can guarantee you almost absolutely that when the dust settles with this situation, you will find a better relationship with a man who will appreciate and share your good heart and ability to love the way you do...plus this experience will help that relationship be better...

My first instinct was to go and date up a storm, it makes me feel better saying I will. I know that it's not the right thing to do, but I can't figure out how to get over him. Will I be strong enough to say no to him if he shows up 6 months from now?? I wish I had a crystal ball that could see into the future, then I wouldn't worry so much about the here and now.....

I HOPE SO MUCH that you get through/over this. Sometimes when I log on it's like, "wow theres someone else out there who wants to puke too?"

 

lol

Really, because when I log on, I think who am I worse than today....lol

Nathalie, you are never stupid, and you're not a disappointment. I've watched you here for a long time and have always admired your strength, courage, insights, and self-awareness. You have a tremendous amount of love for this man, and it's completely understandable that your resolve would soften when you're around him. I'm sorry; I know (from experience) how painful this is. Don't feel weak, and don't feel stupid. Just pick yourself up, brush yourself off, and be glad that you could end this round on a friendly (smile) note. It's been uglier between you guys in the past; this is actually not a terrible way to say goodbye. Hugs to you!

Keenan, As I read your msg, I am crying. Thank you

I have spent the last 2 days feeling like crap, but seeing that you don't think I am a total weakling, I feel better. You are right, it's not a terrible way to say bye

Diggity

Thank you for being so understanding. I had been good with NC (only 10 days), but the minute we are around each other, all the old feelings come back. We both know that we are not good for each other, but it still hurts knowing I am so weak when it comes to him. It would be easier if we hated each other.

Again thank you