I met my husband shortly after getting a divorce in 1995. Mike (not his real name) presented himself to be everything my former husband was not..... I had 2 children from a previous relationship. Mike and I had a long distance relationship for approximately 3 years because he traveled a lot with his job.
thru out this time he proposed several times and i declined because i was really afraid to commit to anyone else and was coming out of an abusive marriage and also because i had never dated someone younger than me (by 11 years ).
I vowed that i would not put another man over my kids again because they were mentally and physically abused by my ex.
Mike had never been married before, had no children of his own, and to top it off , his parents did not approve of our relationship. once i was made aware of this i tried to convince him that he needed to move on and find someone closer to his age, someone with whom he could start a family with, as i could no longer have children.
he wouldn t hear of it! we finally decided to move in together around april 1997.....everything was ok , he got along well with my children and they seem ed to like having him around and he seemed to want to prove himself as a good provider which he had me convinced for a while..... he proposed to me again in december of 1999 .....this time i accepted because we were living together and we needed to set the right example for the children ... we were married a year later....had a beautiful wedding, but his family was very upset about it....his mother refused to come . his dad and a few , maybe 5 family members came but because the wedding was some what traditional her absense was noticeable!
he was very upset about that....... afterwards i took out a 2nd mortgage on my home to help him purchase equipment to start a home based music studio which took off really well! that helped him to come off the road and be at home more....... i worked sometimes 7 days a week but we were happy.....at least i thought we were.....we made use of the time we had together because i worked in the day time , him at night.....
we had the usual problems about bills and money ,but nothing more.....we hardly ever really argued about anything.......except for this 1 time in december 2003 when for the umpteenth time he let a client leave owing him a large amount of money, did not tell me about it and when checks started to bounce i questioned him about it and he said ,
well i didn t know how to tell you , but i planned to tell you...when? i was extremely upset and told him to break the studio equipment down and move it out of the house because it had become a financial burden on the both of us.....he proceeded to do as i asked.......but
he moved out also! and moved to another state.!!!....leaving me bogged down in debt!
needless to say i was shocked, devastated and hurt ....could not believe this was happening........he took a job in another state and i didn t hear from him for a few months ....didn t know where he was.....when he did call it was to apologize for leaving and ask my forgiveness, he loved me and still wanted to try to keep our marriage together and stated that he wanted to try to help me with some of the debt he left me in......well i couldn t refuse that....i needed all the help i could get!.... then it finally started to surface.....
he wanted me to sell my home and move there with him.......i refused ... but agreed to go out and visit him a few times ..... i told him that i could not just up and leave like he did.
i had children , a professional career and a home that i had worked very hard to establish and was not interested in "starting over" in a strange place at this point in my life......and with him not being stable in a job i wasn t going to take that chance.....so we were back where we started in the beginning of our relationship.....long distance dating.....i wasnt interested in dating anyone else because i still loved him and we had so much unfinished business between us.....i never got closure on his leaving to begin with!
finally in the spring of '05 he lost his job.....i didn t hear from him for a few months so i didn t know where or what to think about our relationship and decided to file for divorce..... i still loved him but for financial and other reasons i felt it was best that i do so......finally i tried to locate him because he would have to be served....didn t know anyone out there who could give me any information.....his parents would not take my calls as they were angry with me because they thought and still believe that i kicked him out of the house , which is not what happened.....i was finally able to locate him.....he was living in a crack house with a number of other people.....i was surprised and dumbfounded!!!
yes he had a drug and alcohol addiction that i never knew about.....i knew he drank socially but never knew about the drugs.......with everything he had done to me i still purchased a plane ticket to go and see about him ....he had nothing and was pawning all of the equipment that i helped him to accumulate for drugs.......the drug dealer also has the truck i purchased for him before he left me...........i rented a vehicle to help him move what was left of his belongings back to his parents home which was over 2000 miles..... i applied for him to go into a rehab program.....
he was accepted into the program... but 2 weeks before he was scheduled to go in he took a job in Asia and left the country. he has been over there since 10/05 and will return 3/06 ...... he has called several times professing his undying love for me and the kids and claims he still wants us to be together , promises that he is doing everything he can to get / stay clean.....he called me a few days before my birthday to give me the website address for the club where his band is playing and told me to log in and watch the show as he would be dedicating the show to me as a birthday present....whoopie!
......even asked me to marry him again....yes he is a piece of work..... i get an email almost daily professing his undying love , how he is so lonely, there s no one else for him., etc etc.....i start to think mmaybe it could work after all we ve been thru......
i just happen to log in to the clubs website this past sunday morning and lo and behold ...there he is sitting at a table in the club with a woman......... tongue wrestling!!!! and this went on for quite some time ...they really should have gotten a room! right in front of the camera.....no chance for mistaken identity!
and as i watch this i am getting sicker and angrier by the minute!
how could i have been so foolish?! he finally calls the next day after receiving my email regarding the scene that i witnessed and states that he is not involved with that woman! circa...bill clinton....(.no apology) , but if i believe he is having an affair he is sorry that i believe that.....still no apology.....
i ve had enough of all the game playing and proceed to tell him to loose my phone # , email address and everything else , ask him not to contact me anymore , i am fed up!!
i love him but i m just so fed up and just want to be left alone..... i m also deeply deeply hurt, i feel like i ve just been a tool for him to use whenever he needed to....
someone to just pull him out of the jams , then its back on the porch until i m needed again.....i know it sounds crazy but i m just being honest ..i know i need to move on......after witnessing him with this woman i felt like someone had twisted a knife in my heart! plz any advice on how i should deal with this emotional roller coaster that i ve been on for too long!!!!
i am a very religious person and believe strongly in the power of prayer... but it seems like its just not enough right now and i m too embarrassed to talk to my family /friends about this because he has everyone hood winked and bamboozled into thinking he is the best thing since sliced bread! please pray for me......
