Ok here is my problem and I can't seem to shake it.
My wife and I have been married for over 7 years now, we have a daughter who will be 3 tomorrow. I am 31 and my wife is 27. My wife and I had a good first couple years, until I fell into a self esteem issue. It wasn't just one thing that put me through this, but the primary reason for it was because my wife didn't seem to be satisfied with me or it could've been in my head. Anyways, the problem mostly started when she was online talking at adult chat sites. I mean I didn't mind it at first since it seemed harmless at the time, but what happened was she started to talk to them and spent more time with them more than with me.
She even started saying how so and so was hot and how she fantasized about doing things with other men. I did tell her numerous times I didn't like it at all. That I wished her to stop, but she came back saying it's ok nothing is going to happen and that she's doing it for fun. So she would just basically console me back to that it's ok. It just made me feel really bad, but she never crossed the line for 5 years, but during the last 5 years she kept bringing it up every now and again. She did claim to stop 2 years ago, and I believed her. Now and again she would bring up about her fantasies about having sex with another man...etc..etc....til finally she broke me down last October and I told her to go ahead. (This was a bad mistake because I was at the lowest ever self esteem wise and I felt that to please her I have to let her) I know sounds like a dumb logic....anyways I felt bad that night, but not as bad as I did of what I found out later. Which almost cause us to split.
I find out though she lied, she had kept in touch with two guys. That the guy she saw last night was one of them. It's like she planned this on me, that week was horrible. Numerous fights and yadda yadda yadda...I lost all my trust for her all out the door. Yet she still thinks she did nothing wrong, while this conflict happened my wife would say things like. He turned me on when he did this, and how good looking he was...etc..etc.. Boy that started to make me pissed off on the lack of respect for me. I don't know what happened but I finally blew like a volcano. Something happened and I regained my self respect and self esteem. Well at least I started being a man again, and didn't let her run me over. She seemed shocked at all this....but anyways we decided in the end to stay togehter. But she had to promise not to talk to these guys again.
At the end of November though I found out she lied and she actually chatted with him a couple times between october-november. She stopped she claimed, but I forgave her thinking it would be ok. To give her another chance, but my trust of her was...way past nil! Anyways, she was fine in December but she did it again last Monday. (January 9th 2006). I'm just at a loss on what to do now. I mean should I just finally call it quits? That she is never going to stop and my trust for her is never going to be back? I mean that seems the logical thing to do. She won't seek help or won't want to try a marriage counselor. etc..etc...I'm at the crossroads i think and am ready to take the left turn towards divorce. I just don't know. Please help!
Thanks,
Wkim
PS sorry if it's choppy, just hard to post this from work being interrupted her and there.
